My father passed in '05. He was my only father. I was his only daughter. There's a special type of bond there. I am so grateful to have had that for 11 of my years here. I always knew "God" existed. I knew that. It was something that couldn't be shaken from me. And I speak to this "God" still. But I can't accept the teachings of the Bible because I know they are just a compilation of folklore and parables. I don't know where they came from. I think it's just a bunch of people who decided to finally write down the tales of life lessons they were told as children and that have altered from the process of ear to mouth and interpretation transfer. Kinda like a game of "telephone". There's too many factors involved for me to take them to heart. From the translations, to the cherry picked ideas, lack of historical evidence, and interpretations of the billions of people who have been involved in the process of using these scriptures to concoct an actual religion. So do I have faith? That's a great question. Be careful who you ask that to, however. Most "bible thumpers" may go into a fit of laughter or rage and foam at the mouth whilst chucking the bible at you and saying "No, she's going straight to hell!" I constantly ask people the same set of questions: Do I actually have faith? Is there a chance that I am going somewhere important after life? Is there a heaven? Is there is a hell, even? Faith is a belief you have that you can't sway from. It's what you actually know without concrete evidence. See, I'm a concretes kinda gal. That's how I "know" things. I have to see them. Well how can I be that way and also have my faith? I kinda cheated the entire thing, I think. Before I go on to explain that, I'll define what type of faith I have: I believe there's a "God" who created everything and everyone. This God isn't your God or anyone else's God. My God is my own God. I don't know how he got to be or what exactly he's done for me or anyone else, I just know he exists. I believe I'm going somewhere after I expire. I believe he has a place for me to go. Maybe I won't be my same self, which is what I'm currently struggling with accepting, but I'll be somewhat of a "me". I have my faith, but I'm at a point where it is becoming extremely pliable. Aside from that, I don't think someone who is actively practicing religion can have a whole understanding of faith. Religion is the gathering of people who all are attempting to maintain a standardized faith based off centuries and centuries worth of the recorded results of thousands of games of "telephone". That makes it impossible for it to be sane to take any of the writings as facts and apply them to the premise of your faith. In addition to that, you also have preachers who take what they like out of this book, attempt integrate those concepts into an anecdote, and then make it as general and vague as possible, spice the performance of this story up, low-key make it their very own parable (not really interchangeable from the ones in this book), and then use the guilt trip towards the very end to get your money. That seems like the very worst relationship of manipulation and abuse that millions of Americans subject themselves to every single week, even multiple times a week. But back to the fact that I cheated in regards to faith. I saw it, so I believed it. I knew my father was gone via a dream I had before I was told he was gone. I knew the sex, characteristics, intelligence, and demeanor of my unborn child over a month before my gender revealing ultrasound due to my dad telling me (obviously after he had passed) through a dream. I lived because my dad told me to turn the wheel when I crashed my car, allowing me to miss an entire row of trees. Somehow my dad is able to come back after he's died. Yeah, I've had many other dreams about him, sure. But those were my telling moments. I did see it. So I believe it. I believe my God is existing. I believe that energy is never ending. You cause a rift by existing, and your energy never will stop. It has to go somewhere, even after you pass away. I don't believe in religion. I love the morals behind the commandments of the many religions out there. I try to practice the golden rule as much as possible, as well. I don't know if I would call it Christianity, but I feel that could be what it is. Though, no Christian would agree with that label, I'm sure. So it's iffy. But yeah, that's what I am. If I am anything at all, really. Life after my life will be a completely different life, but there will be one. I'm not sure of what variety nor the specifics, but I'm sure I'll figure it out when I get there.
