Goodbye Nick
I know you moved and I know we haven't talked in a while, but if you're reading this that means I'm no longer here. No longer living. Now, before you freak out, please let me explain to you what has been going on since you left. I was diagnosed with cancer seven months ago, lung cancer, the same as my mother. The doctors said we had to attack it with fervor and I would be okay.
What no one pick up until recently was that the chemo was damaging my heart and by the time it was identified, the damage was too extreme. I'm taking pills tonight, with the damage to my heart, it shouldn't take much to end all this pain.
Please don't hate me, I'm so unhappy, I'm so terrified and I've watched myself slip away to a shell of the girl you once knew. Drugs are my best friend, I now see why you struggled with them before, they're great at numbing the pain. I'm a bald freak who's body looks like a skeleton. I'm not the Ronnie you remember. I hate this me.
But maybe it's for the best that you left, you didn't have to see me fade, watch me crumble. Keep the memories of me smiling and dancing like a fool in your heart. Remember when you took me on our best friend date? You are still, to this day, the only boy who has danced with me like that, out of nowhere with no one around. Remember food fights in my kitchen? Or nerf wars against me and Jonah? How about all those nights I stole you away from Christian and we cuddled and laughed and cried and gossiped. Those are some of my favorite memories and I will always keep them close to me.
But now you're gone, and so am I. I love you, always have, always will. Promise me to stay strong, stay beautiful, stay you. You'll always be my Nickle-Nip, my savior, my brother, my bucket-list friend. I've missed you so much, it's kind of like I'm living without air. I thought I was going to die when you left, but knowing that you're happy and living your life with the ones you love kept me going.
You've been there for me through thick and thin, and I've come to the conclusion that when you've dealt with so much hell, more than one should deserve in a lifetime, that means your expiration is near. I want to control when I go, not with a fizzle, but with a bang, am I right? I'm happier now. Safe and smiling down on you, don't be sad, I'm always in your heart.
Don't forget me.
Love you always,
Your sunshine, Ronnie.
P.S. I've never removed your necklace. I'll take it to the grave. Thumb drive with your song enclosed in this letter.
