My dad died yesterday and everything is really weird now. I don't know how to feel, I only feel heavy and sad. I stood by him when he passed.
My boyfriend sais I was really strong and kept everything together, and I mean, that's how I am. But the past few years I've learned how to cry again, and I only cried a few times and in a very small amount at the hospital yesterday, like three tears a few times when we were there. He was ill on the hospital for three weeks, and sure I cried sometimes then, but only when I was at my boyfriends place, and then I didn't know if dad would survive but it looked like it. For three weeks he was almost completely unspeakable and we thought and were told he would make it, but yesterday everything came apart. But I felt it long before, I knew he would die, I've always known somehow.