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Denmark Rent

hamlet: Claudius thought that if I got “a little fresh air,” then my madness would be quelled, so he sent us out to the countryside for a few days.

horatio: we don’t really talk about that week.

[three weeks ago]

—

horatio, whispering: so, it’s six A.M., and I’m just going to start waking everyone up.

—

- *ophelia’s room*

horatio: ophelia? we’re going to have a meeting in ten minutes if you want to join us.

ophelia: twenty minutes.

horatio: well, I was just thinking that-

ophelia: twenty. minutes.

horatio: you got it.

- *hamlet’s room*

horatio: my lord, we’re going to have a meeting in twenty minutes

hamlet: [sits up] am I not dead?

horatio: not that I know of.

hamlet: shit!

- *rosencrantz and guildenstern’s room*

[banging sounds]

horatio: [knocks on door] hey guys?

[banging sounds stop]

rosencrantz [muffled]: ...yeah?

horatio: you wanna come down in like twenty minutes?

guildenstern [muffled]: yeah. okay.

[banging sounds continue]

- *common room*

horatio: so, I wanted to talk about our living situation for a bit. number one, we need to start picking up after our things a little more. Whoever left a uh...body in the hallway...

hamlet: yeah, that’s mine. I’ll get him out of here. [flicks open switchblade]

[EXIT hamlet]

horatio: uh, okay. Secondly, whoever is singing at two A.M. in the morning needs to be mindful that there are people trying to sleep.

ophelia: I like singing. It makes me feel safe.

horatio: that’s cool, but could you sing something other than the psycho theme on repeat?

ophelia: [looks into camera]

horatio: rosencrantz and guildenstern...I have no notes for you.

rosencrantz: sweet! we can do whatever we want!

horatio: no, that’s not what I-

guildenstern: [screams, throws a bottle through the window]

ophelia: I feel very unsafe right now! [sings loudly]

[ENTER hamlet, drenched in blood]

hamlet: what did I miss?

—

horatio: [whispering] so yeah, I think everyone’s getting used to living here pretty well.

[screeching]

horatio: OPHELIA WHAT DID WE JUST TALK ABOUT

—

#hamlet #shakespeare #horatio #r+g #ophelia #denmark rent #script