#r.j.l.

[itsriotmotherfuckers]

Sirius who is so fucking confused when Remus doesn’t hit him. Whose memories of romance are all centred around his parents yelling and hitting, but everyone says marriage means they’re in love, so they must be. Who assumes that blood and broken bones and insults are all as much a part of a relationship as kissing and touching and giggling. Who wonders, one day, when he’s a little high and a little drunk, if Remus really loves him like he says he does if he won’t hurt him. Who gets on his knees and begs Remus to hit him, to hurt him, to make him bleed, because that’s all he knows.

[hellholebrainiac]

My Marauders Era Main Aesthetic HC's

Marauders:

Sirius - Punk Rock / Gothic Greaser

James - Athletic / Blue collar

Remus - Country core

Peter - Soft boy

Emeralds/Skittles/Pantheon

Regulus - Classical Gothic / Ouji Gothic

Evan - City boy

Barty - Grunge

Pandora - Kid core / Cottage core / Color core

Dorcas - Preppy / Athletic

Valkeries

Lily - Academia / Preppy

Mary - Girly Pop

Marlene - Athletic / Sporty

Alice - Academia / Athletic

Molly - Cottage core / Preppy

Grad Gang

Arthur - Cottage core / Comfy core

Fabian - Athletic / Blue collar

Gideon - Athletic / Blue collar

Frank - Cottage core / Blue Collar / Athletic

Ted - Cottage core / Blue collar

Royal Court

Bellatrix - Punk Goth

Rodolphus - Gothic

Rabastian - Gothic

Lucius - Gothic

Snape - Gothic Punk

Narcissa - Gothic Preppy / Gothic Academia

Andromeda - Dark Academia / Preppy

[myeyesarefull]

[thxtlove]

decades

it's one in the morning and I'm trying to decide what to wear tomorrow. Or technically today. I'm thinking that having a baby would be nice. Things would shift from me to the baby and it wouldn't be the worst thing to have something to put all my love into. I'm thinking how much have I changed from an hour ago when I was still nineteen. Did my love waiver, did the world shift just a little bit? I'm twenty at 1:03 am. I think this as I walk out my front door in just a t-shirt and undies with my robe fluttering around my legs. I lay down on the concrete and I look out into the stars. I feel the world spinning under me and the stars lighting up for me even though it only took them a couple million years for them to smile at me. So much has happened and I'm not sure I can handle it, but that was then and this is now. I love him. Unconditionally, unequivocally. It scares me how much. I'd do anything for him but would he do anything for me. That's the question here. The one I don't know or have any answer to. But the stars are here and I'll keep them as they keep me.

[thxtlove]

because I saw you

it hurts more somehow. because talking to others was never as satisfying as talking to you. when I met up with you and I was wearing earrings and had my face on, you told me no matter what I wore I always looked beautiful. no fishing for the compliment. you just stared at me. when I said I was fat, you automatically said no, when I strongly believe that I am. and while it pains me too, I feel good enough to eat when you're around. And that scares me. when I realized that talking to someone else was starting new and that the past years that were spent with you, didn't happen. I only think that with this, whatever it is, and the way you look at me could be what I fear. my whole being wants this to be true but some part of me, it knows that if it is, I could fall all over again.

[thxtlove]

destruction

I smoke because the inevitability of my death is there. I swear when I want when it serves my purpose. And I drink until I blackout because I can. I'm tired of people telling me what's what. I'm tired of it. Don't tell me what to do or how to think or who to love or how to handle things.

[thxtlove]

no such thing as better

everyone has a role. in life we all play the parts that have been given to us. and while those parts vary per situation and person, some of us have to pick up the slack. so those, less strong than I, go down the road they must go. while I endure the crap. the problems of life and the horrible situations that come with it. as life goes on for me, the more horrible the problems become in my life. I handle the psychos and dicks, all while having to find those like me. no gets it. the ones who don't have to deal with these things. there is no such thing as better. I'm just having to be used and thrown away because I can take it. doesn't mean I like it. I wanna belong but not where I have to put up a facade of happiness to impress those around me. doesn't mean I'm always unhappy, I just want to go somewhere and be with those who I know won't use my past against me as if it had anything to do with me.

[thxtlove]

before the next time

remember this, the next guy needs to be caring and smart. Has a job but is not to finicky about money. He’s funny and can make you laugh and doesn’t wig out easy because your family needs you so much. Yeah he might be kinda different but you’re different and you need someone who gets that no matter how hurt you get by others you’ll never give up on people. He should be a person who loves movie marathons and watching new things but can also talk about the plot and how it blew your mind. But also be a person who likes to have adventures. He doesn’t give you shit about your life choices and is fine with you smoking. He does go to school and he’s very good at it. He knows how to manage time and he doesn’t expect you to take care of him. Someone who likes shows and the same kind of music as you. He is someone who is not afraid of his feelings and ready for the future. He understands that if he wants to end things, it can end on good terms. He knows that I don’t like liars and he gets that I’m a busy person and that won’t ever change. He understands that you need chaos in your life and that you can be destructive to others and yourself and someone needs to support you not just you supporting someone else. You self destruct, deal with it. Before someone else has to.