Feb 23, 2015
so the kiruv rabbi i asked about Theology hadn't answered, and i sent the message 20 days ago, so i sent a really apologetic enquiry yesterday, and then just as i was finishing the shiur just now he replied saying he'd call me after 5
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so the kiruv rabbi i asked about Theology hadn't answered, and i sent the message 20 days ago, so i sent a really apologetic enquiry yesterday, and then just as i was finishing the shiur just now he replied saying he'd call me after 5
The thing is, the rabbi sang Eishet Chayil, as rabbis are wont to do, and it was just very difficult to deal with. I was on the edge of tears basically until the end of the main course. One of the madrichot was worried for me (she asked about it, which I brushed off, and offered me a hug. I purposefully took it between netilat yadayim and hamotzi because I felt like if I talked I'd cry). I knew it was going to happen, tried to steel myself, but I don't think I could have stopped feeling it with any sort of preparation.
It's so saturated in jewish-woman-jewish-marriage that I don't even know how to go about making my peace with it. I tried before with the song itself, and it doesn't usually affect me this much, but this week I was already in a bad state, and then his family were literally right there, and, yeah. I did smile for a second when I heard my url (that was part of the reason I picked this, to sort of reclaim it).
I want to talk to people about it, but I'm worried 1. about halachic implications my disclosure might have (I mean, I don't even know? Like it's already been confirmed, can it get worse? I could become like a super-mamzeret? I don't even know) and 2. about oversharing? This is a very personal thing.
But I feel like, like, everyone is so lovely, and they might be able to think of something? Right now, confirmed mamzerim are like, a tiny tiny tiny tiny segment (like i'm not sure we can even be called a segment) of the population, and so there's no sort of accomodation or sensitivity. Because why would there be? Of course every Jew will grow up and get married and have children!
"PLEASE ALSO ENJOY THIS SHABBAT......IF YOU NEED BILTONG POST ON MY WALL >>>>>"
south african aish rabbi just sent our Poland group one of the cutest messages i could have hoped to receive (after inviting us all to next shabbat)
aish as a movement i have such issues with, but aish people are so nice