The silence in the Angora chat has left me with my own thoughts, reflective of yesterday, reflective of myself.
I know the silence is because some rabbits are busy today, and maybe partially because we’re still trying to get over our own shock... I don’t think any of us in Angora were prepared for rabbit 23′s death/disqualification.
Disqualification... I was never really a winner. I tried my best, and failed often, sometimes stretched and encountered luck and won.
Saying that, I’m convinced that we’re all going to lose. I have zero hope of winning. I’m going to die as rabbit 22. ... But to delay that loss, I wonder how I will change. I can already feel anger at a possibility of interaction taken away from me. I feel fear that I’m next... discomfort at the fact that my emotions will build up and cause me to snap at someone only to end up being tortured by my conscience later, and that feral excitement that comes with wondering what’s next, how things will play out, if I can control myself, if I can disappear without regret.
I saw other ‘games’ like this and they seemed like rainbows, memes, and sunshine with a manager who tiredly tries to keep everyone in order. I joined this one because I thought it would be similar, but this one feels... different. Like... more serious, more personal? I mean I’ve had my fair share of laughs from the other rabbit’s stories but it feels rabbits link up more instead of trying to dissociate with the world as much. Maybe this view is relative. Maybe I’m just being purely unobjective because I don’t know what goes behind the scenes. All I know is that I’m stuck within anticipation.
Be careful what you sign up for...
