Sometimes, when im a really focused on something, in the corner of my eyes i see the room i had when i was at the mental hospital. Its weird but i kinda like it.
One time i was over at my grandmas for the night and decided to go out on the balcony to look at the sky. That was the first time i felt like I belonged with the stars.
I unconsciously associated the night sky with my bird Azure, so when i think of the night, all i can see is the stars taking care of him until its my time. I started crying while talking with a friend cuz of it.
Now that i have a hornet plushie, she doesn’t just comfort me mentally but also physically now.
Sometimes, in my new bird Winters face, I can see Azure and i think maybe thats why, the moment i saw Winter i felt so attached and that maybe shes his reincarnation. We did get Winter very young.
I feel like my house is haunted or something cuz weird stuff keeps happening. And at night, im really scared of the dark ironically. So when i step out of my room, in my head i ask the spirits to ‘spare me’ and suddenly my anxiety that im being watched just goes away.
Sad songs or things i feel relate to me make me feel a lot better. Most of them are by Citizen Soldier like Make Hate to Me and Never Good Enough. I also like Let it Burn because it feels like Rica, Icy or one of my ocs are talking to me.
I hate how i miss bad people and want them to have all things good despite being hurt by them. But i have noticed being around them was when my mood was worse and im a little better not being associated with them.
School puts a lot of pressure on me and it makes me think that maybe i am worthless. People say mental health is more important than school but im being pushed to keep going despite barely being able to.
I was reading of mice and men with my mom to answer questions and one was “why was crooks treated differently?” I heard ‘anger’ and said “because he has anger issues?” And i was told it was during the Great Depression so its cuz he was black and the farmhands were racist. I should’ve remembered that but i think its good that the first thing i thought of wasnt ‘cuz hes black’
Also my sister got a marble race thing and wanted me to build what was on the box. There weren’t any instructions so i just had the picture to go off of and finished it. Afterwards my mom said i had great spacing awareness or something. I think it meant i could tell how things fit together or where they go without instructions and i still think about that.