So a few days ago I watched a movie that someone picked from some list (red flag in retrospect lol) and it was just bad, in a empty, boring, sacharine and formulaic way.
But, I tried to look at the positive of such experience:
I thought "Hehe, now I feel better about my own story, because atleast it cant be worse than this!"
Or if it is, atleast I didnt have a hundred million budget and whole theme of writters and producers that should have known better.
It gave me confidence in doing work, cause either I am good enough or others are too stupid to see what is real quality so why care?
Well, thats what I wanted to think.
In reallity doubts started to enter - is the glib condescension I feel about the surface level morals and platitudes, the unconvincing conversions and "changings of worlds", the contrivances and cliches and reheated feel-goodisms valid?
Is it just a way to avoid my own realisation of how my own writting sucks, how it revolves around wish fulfillment, easy solutions and a sophomoric childish view of the world? Am I just exchanging mass apeal for personal theraphy and self affirmation - both as self obssessed as the other, as twins that laugh at each other crooked nose?
In a way it even went deeper than that - was any non-cynical thought as braindead as this movie, or worse, because the movie atleast used it for cheap gain and fame for the author and actors all the same, while I'm too clueless to even play the game?
I would say - I don't know... But nah I do, and yeah I do now better - I atleast now that the movie sucks, that my stuff atleast sucks in a way that is more interesting, as someone who eats a chuppa chupps stick-in first.
And in a way the blade cuts this doubt too - arogance is needed otherwise one just sinks into this shitty sacharine "well maybe you are just as bad" - I rather be worse, not lukewarm like this shit that gets spat out and put on netflix (also why you should allways pirate)
Maybe this is the true porpuse of negativity, of the ranting youtuber who cant even light his own set better than 12 year old lego stop motion animators?
Cause politness is not the full story - iron sharpe s iron - a platitude as true as some even in that shitty movie where - so one needs the doubt as they need the dick, even if this sounds gross, maybe thats why people truely like dysfunctional couples?
So I may be making a soap opera - but even a self parodying telenovella full of jumpcuts and betrayals is more memorable than whatever a soulless movie is, so don't let yourself be soul eaten.
When you met your best friend, you didn't know they were going to be your best friend. When you got that coffee yesterday, you didn't know it was going to be fantastic. When they said it would rain, you didn't know that it would wind up being sunny. There are so many different things you didn't know and could never... and that is the best thing you could ever ask for. Not knowing.
