If it’s not too much, could I ask for the Love and Deepspace boys who accidentally hurt the (if you could gn) reader’s feelings? (They argued and they were wrong but lashed out either way sorta thing?) if not, completely understandable! Tysm!
The Hurts
Loving someone is giving that person the chance to hurt you and trusting that they will never do so.
🌻 Rafayel/Xavier/Zayne x Reader
Tags: gn!reader, hurt/ comfort, angst
A/N: I can't see our LIs to be the type to lash out at their loved ones, so I modify the request a bit. Thank you for requesting, anon-san. Hope you enjoy this story.
Masterlist
Request a fic
𝑹𝒂𝒇𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒍
Loving someone is giving that person the chance to hurt you and trusting that they will never do so.
You had given him so many chances, and what you got in return was being hurt over and over again.
Like sitting on a never-ending roller coaster, that's the feeling when you were with him.
He made you happy, he made you sad. He gave you surprises and he also shattered many of your dreams.
Then, you had enough.
You trudged back home with heavy steps after a difficult mission. Blood drenched your uniform. The blood of Wanderers, and the blood of your comrades. The mission was a complete failure. There were a lot of people injured, and it was completely your fault.
Because you trusted someone who shouldn't have been trusted.
Rafayel was standing on an empty street corner, waiting for you. He knew you would always take the same route home. You were too predictable, that was why he played with you like a toy.
You grit your teeth. You and Rafayel each held one end of the rubber band. But he was always the first to let go.
It hurt, the feeling of being betrayed hurt so much. But you still kept walking. You did not want him to see you miserable like that. You would not give him the opportunity to trample on your feelings and trust anymore.
Rafayel's dark eyes gazed at you. You saw scales sprouting out from his face and neck. That was the day when Lemurians were at their weakest.
Nevertheless, he made the decision to stand here and wait for you to come home. As soon as he had heard the news from his spies, he immediately ran to find you even though he was in his weakest state. You stopped moving when you were just close enough away from him, to look straight into his eyes with full of indignation.
“I will explain everything.” Rafayel spoke up. And he should, but you were sick of it by now.
“That's enough, Rafayel.” You cut him off before he could say anything else. “You've said enough.”
You trusted his intelligence, only to lead your comrades into a trap. He always took advantage of your absolute trust to hurt you and the people you cared about. Especially when there was something related to the Lemurians, he suddenly became a different person. Someone you did not know.
“Your secrets…” You said, “Just keep them to yourself… I think I've had enough of your lies.”
"I did not lie." Rafayel reached out towards you but you backed away. “Everything I told you about that operation was true. I simply…”
“You simply didn't tell me the whole truth.” You said bitterly.
Rafayel withdrew his hand. He appeared so frail that he may pass out at any time at the side of the road. This time, you would not care as much. You would just leave him be.
“You showed concern for me, then you left me alone. You helped me, then pushed me into a trap... What is real, Rafayel? What is the truth that ever comes out of your mouth?”
Rafayel was silent, staring at you with pain. What an excellent performance. You almost believed him, one more time.
“What are you going to do, then? You could kill me with just one blow right now.”
“Don't challenge me.” You threatened with a glare. You hurried past Rafayel, wanting nothing more than to get home and clean off all the blood on your body and calm yourself down. Yet, despite his extreme weakness, he still has the ability to draw you in. Your eyes met his sadness. In an instant, it seemed as though you had descended to the ocean's lowest point.
“You asked me what was true.” He said, his voice shaking. “You may not believe anything else I say… But this, this alone is the truth… I will never, ever let anyone hurt you… I will never lose you again…”
𝑿𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒓
You stood in front of Xavier's house waiting impatiently. As soon as the door opened, you immediately rushed inside without even saying hello.
“Is there anything wrong?” Xavier asked gently, but his innocent look made you even more angry.
“You crossed me out of that mission, didn’t you?” You replied in anger. There were several rolled-up reports in your palm, ready to be torn apart. You aimed it in his direction. “This was originally the mission assigned to me! Why did you request to do it on your own?”
Xavier saw the problem as soon as he glanced at those papers. He tried to explain:
“That mission is too dangerous. I can't let you do it by yourself.”
“Then would it be better if you went alone?”
You gave Xavier a glance. He was trying to calm you down, but every step he took closer you moved further away. You were upset because he decided to enter a risky area without you, maybe endangering his life, and you were unaware of it until everything had been taken care of. Even with you by his side, he carried the weight of everything by himself. You did not want that, because you felt compelled to share everything with him.
"I'm sorry." Xavier was honest with you. “I should have asked you first. I decided on my own because I thought it was the best thing for you.”
“What's best for me?” You retorted. “Do you even know what is good for me? To participate in my own mission, to decide to do things as I wish, or to fight by your side!”
Only silence covered the room. You collapsed into his couch, burrowing your face into your hands. You hated this feeling of helplessness. He took away your right to make decisions, your right to accompany him on this dangerous mission. The thought that he did not need you was so painful.
“You don't believe in me…” You spoke up after a long while. When you looked up, you saw that Xavier was still standing there, looking regretful and helpless because he was unable to touch you at the time. “I thought we were a team. If we're a team, we won't hide missions from each other, we won't sneak around alone behind the other person's back..."
“I'm really sorry. That mission is much more dangerous than area N109. I can't let you risk it.”
“That means if you had to choose again, you would still do the same and hide it from me, right?”
Xavier remained silent, but you already knew the answer.
You did not know what hurt more; Xavier hiding that mission from you, or he not trusting you could complete it?
You got to your feet, looked at Xavier, and proceeded to the door.
"I truly put in a lot of training to be in a team with you. But maybe that's not enough. If you think you can do it all by yourself then so be it, I don't see the need to stay here anymore.”
"Don't." Xavier seized your hand fast to hold you there. “Don't say such things…”
You drew away from him fiercely. Xavier let out a cry and embraced his left chest at that very time.
It appeared like he was hurt. You scowled and extended a hand to touch him.
“Are you injured?”
Xavier tried to smile, but his face gradually turned pale. He took that opportunity to pull you back and wrap an arm around your waist to keep you in place.
“It's only a little cut.”
“How can it be small when you look so painful?”
Xavier struggled to breathe. He replied:
"I'm sorry. Maybe it's true that I couldn't do that task alone. You were right. We are a team, I need you.”
You feel pleased, but still very angry with Xavier. It was because he chose to go alone that he got injured like that.
“From now on, I will definitely not hide anything from you anymore. So… don't leave me alone, okay?”
You were silent for a while, but wrapped your arms around Xavier to hug him. “I have to check your wound first.”
𝒁𝒂𝒚𝒏𝒆
The more you care for someone else, the deeper the wound they cause you.
It had been a month since you could contact him. Just like that, he disappeared, again.
You were frightened. Just like when you were a child, suddenly one day, the friend who used to make snow seals for you disappeared without a trace. No one could hear about him. He had also covertly assigned your monthly health check to another physician without you knowing until you got to the hospital. The last time you had heard about him was when Dr. Greyson told you he were rushing off to the Arctic on urgent business.
How funny it was to learn that from someone other than him. No farewells, no assurances not to worry. And for an entire month, he was absent. Although you didn't have the authority to make him tell you his schedules, at least you wanted to know how long he was going to be gone and whether or not the mission was risky.
You grew more afraid and then angered as you considered him going missing once more. How could he do this to you, after everything you had been through together? Yet he dared to show his face to your house on a rainy night.
When he saw that you were covering yourself from the rain with your jacket, he moved forward to shield you. But you dashed over to the porch. You just looked at him from a distance, but near enough to see that he was alright. After that, you entered and slammed the door in his face.
Not a word was said to each other. He did not even call your name or send a text message. He stood in the pouring rain for a long, long time. You couldn't care less. That night you went to sleep fitfully, and when you woke up the next morning, your auntie neighbor told you that he had just departed a short while after your room's light went out.
You did not try to contact him again. This cold war was initiated by him, so let it be. It was now a week after his return, and you had to go to the hospital for a check-up before an important mission. When you saw the name of the physician assigned to you was Zayne, you requested for another.
Dr. Greyson found you in the waiting area. He asked about your refusal to let Zayne examine your health. Honestly, you could not find any reason to answer that wasn't too personal. So you just sat in silence.
“The first thing Zayne did when he got back was to read your files. He wanted to make sure you were fine while he was gone.”
Dr. Greyson said. You lowered your head and looked down at your clasped hands, experiencing a range of conflicting feelings.
“I don't know what happened between you two, and maybe it's none of my business, but Zayne is a friend, and I need to butt in just this once…”
You looked up at Dr. Greyson.
“Zayne went to the Arctic to seek assistance from his teacher. Things got worse as it became more and more difficult for him to control his Evol. I caught him injuring himself with his Evol. He made the decision to suffer alone until things got in control in order to protect others.”
You were shocked. Zayne had been suffering because of his Evol for the past month without you knowing, while you were blaming him for leaving you.
"Perhaps he refrained from telling you out of concern that you would worry and accompany him there."
The rest of the conversation drifted away. Then you stood up, tried to hold back your tears as you walked to Zayne's office. He sat behind the computer screen, looking up at you with mixed emotions in his eyes, although his face still remained calm.
You entered slowly, noted the scars on his hands. There were fresh cuts that were not yet healed. He must have been very hurt and lonely. What must you do to make him open up to you? What must you do so that you can share the burden with him?
“You… What's wrong?”
As soon as Zayne spoke, you hid your tears by walking towards him in a haste and pulled him into your embrace.
“Please don't go without a word... I won't be able to bear it if you disappear again..."
