Jul 10, 2024
You hate the texture of peanuts
False!
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You hate the texture of peanuts
False!
Ugh 2.0 since apparently no one else seems to be asking 👀👀👀
Oh Rai. You're the perfect person to ask. It is my jouzai (possibly jouchuuzai I haven't decided yet)
FWB but they catch feelings but they're awful and refuse to admit it and make it everyone else's problem. Essentially is the premise
The game
There is a young boy on a swing set at night. You’ll see him occasionally when the streetlights are on and you have nowhere else to go. He doesn’t cause trouble alone, doesn’t say a word. It looks like he’s waiting for someone that will never come.
If you listen close enough you’ll hear his eyes screaming for someone to pull him out of the swings, but you can’t be too sure. His hands grip the chains so tightly they’re even paler under the lamps nearby. He never looks at you. He knows you’re there.
If you sit next to the kid he won’t reply, he only swings. He won’t stop unless you tell him to. The boy’s hair is russet, eyes a greyish brown. You could have sworn they wouldn’t be as dull if that person came. Where are his parents anyway?
He mutters something, a hand dropping from the swing’s chains and adjusting the choker around his neck. It almost looks too tight on him, but your voice won’t let you tell him to take it off. Street clothes that don’t look too worn cover his shoulders, his hands bandaged around the knuckles carelessly. You want to fix them. You know he won’t let you.
“What’s your name?” He looks at you as if you walked in on him dressing. The boy says nothing. He looks at you, not even a hint of a smile. You remember smiling when you were his age right? How old is he?
“You should get somewhere safe before they find you.” That’s the first time you hear his voice. Maybe the only time. You cannot save this boy. Perhaps this is what hurts the most. He will always be out of arms reach.
“Okay.” You come back to the park tomorrow. The boy is gone, but you can feel a pair of eyes watching you from behind. Maybe if you sit on the swing set he’ll come and tell you that’s his spot.
The boy never returns to that playground and you start to doubt he was ever there. It must have been the exhaustion. But every now and then you pass by and the swing creaks and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find him again. Only if he wants you to though.
Oh okay
If you were to ask Chuuya Nakahara what it felt like to be alive he’d say he couldn’t truly tell you. Well really, he’d pause and then scoff. He’d say, “where’s you get that question from? Feeling alive is like…it’s different for everyone.” Truth is, Chuuya wouldn’t think he knew the answer.
“You’re so annoyingly, irritatingly, abhorrently human. Do you know that? It’s fascinating and infuriating.”
“Okay thesaurus.” They were leaning against the railing of Chuuya’s balcony overlooking Yokohama. The blessed chill of the wind passed through his hair, his veins. Veins that for all he knew was wire, his skin the cable.
“I’m serious. You’re awful.” Chuuya was well aware Dazai did not develop the ability to express his feelings normally. This did not make it any less forgivable.
“You’re worse. Didn’t they call you “demon prodigy” or something? Edgy.” This earned a quiet snort from Dazai, they didn’t like that title too much either.
“King of Sheep.”
“I’m not a king.” The reply came out before he could bite his tongue, the taste of that memory resurfacing. When he first ran into the enigma that was Dazai. The scrawny bandaged teen boy that was dazai. The boy who let him be a boy too.
“…You’re not a sheep either.”
“What am I then?”
“Insufferable.” Chuuya playfully shoved them, holding tight onto his cigarette. They laughed and shoved him back.
“Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
“I have, and I look fabulous, thank you very much.~ And you? Or are you too short to see yourself in one?” It totally was a coincidence how Chuuya heard a loud, gratifying smack on Dazai’s arm.
“Oi, or I’ll push you off.~”
“Ahh! As long as you go down with me.” Dazai smirked, pressing a slight peck to Chuuya’s jaw. As if he could get away with it.
“You sound like you want me to let go.” This is how they talked. In between the lines, hidden code, secret words said silently and in looks. It always made sense with them. Everything except Dazai made sense.
“Well you don’t want my ability to kill you, do you? Someone so human and mortal can’t afford to die early. Besides, if you fall your body will be so tiny the cops won’t be able to find you.” There it was. The confirmation, and from the last person Chuuya wanted to hear it from too. But then again, what you need is not always what you want. He learned this the hard way.
So naturally, Chuuya had to throw Dazai off just as much. Point blank. Before they could add anything else he pulled them down by their bolo tie and kissed their eyes. To make them see themselves better. Their ears to hear how stupid they sound. Their mouth so they won’t degrade themselves as much.
“Who said I’m letting go?”
RAI THAT ENDING??? I AM DECEASED. ON THE GROUND IN COLD BLOOD AND TEARS
They would misinterpret you as the character who’s too relaxed to take anything very seriously (at best) and too obsessed with a character in a wannabe way (at worst)
Then again anything can happen
It's so funny cuz irl i am never relaxed or calm cuz Anxiety(tm) but people often tell me that I'm such a calm and relaxing person to be around. Like cool wish that affected me and not just those around me xD
Ask game
Dazai’s best friend was control.
He learned this lesson very early, that if he could not control he would have nothing. Whether it was people, himself, his self destructive tendencies. And the world was greedy, they would take and keep taking. So he learned to control what they took. He controlled what they saw.
Control meant safety. It meant isolation. It meant locking himself in his bathroom for hours and refusing to leave until he could keep a smile while his sink dripped pink. It meant not flinching when Chuuya would hit him, not breaking his gaze with the business end of a pistol. It meant having to win a drinking game to get a second chance, and even then he pretended.
Control meant he would carve a place deep within his ribs where no one would reach, where all of his monstrosity could mix with his bile and the tears he swallowed. Control meant holding back the ocean with hands the size of a fifteen year old. Control meant not admitting why you blew up your lover’s car after running away because the one person who you didn’t need to control the first time around died. Control meant holing yourself up spending hours playing god to bring that friend back. It was addictive.
And oh did Dazai love addictive things.
He watched his coworkers laughing, smiling at ice cream and allowing themselves to be angry. They had no control. If Dazai was fifteen he would have said these people were aimless and weak. It was a very common misconception that Mori, himself, or his parents had raised a boy like him. If he had been raised by anything human, he would not have carved such a deep cave. But rather, control carved a space for itself.
Naturally, there were two types of people. Those who would respect his need for control, veiled as chaos, and others who were willing to break him in half to release what he had sheltered and let fester so deeply. Half rot, half man. Half man, half dog. Half dog, half devil.
Unfortunately, Jouno was one of these people. Who loved to touch Dazai’s palm and call him a religion. Who loved to dismantle every part of his sense of control until Jouno was the control. Until he would carve out dazai’s heart with his teeth, and Dazai would let him. That was control.
There was Jouno, who was so much like him- a mirror, a reflection that he would always see in his minds eye- a man so much like Dazai that trying to say his own name made him nauseous. And there was only one thing Jouno loved more than taking control: breaking it.
Screaming into my pillow and kicking the couch
Kunikida was never one to turn down a good cup of tea. Especially when a certain devil in human shape wouldn’t stop placing all their paperwork onto him. And when that same devil had the audacity to lounge on the couch with the newspaper.
“Dazai…” But when he went to check, they were asleep. Actually asleep. And Kunikida couldn’t help but pause. Typically dazai faked sleep to avoid work, the tell tale signs being peeking when he thought Kunikida didn’t notice and giggling ‘in their sleep’. But this was different. This felt different.
He didn’t want to risk waking them up, a lot had gone on with dealing with Fyodor and the port mafia and some other minor gangs causing trouble. And Dazai had been pulling strings for them left and right, though sometimes he suspected it was just to have an excuse to see Chuuya. As long as they did work though.
“…God you’re such a pain.” He muttered, grabbing a warm blanket and placing it over the stretched out detective. Their face was so…calm. It was almost eerie, and Kunikida was tempted to just keep watching. But he had work to do.
“mm-“ they shifted in their sleep, startling him out of their thoughts. But they only accepted the warmth of the blanket. It was winter anyway, cold outside seeping to the inside even if the walls were thick and windows closed. Ranpo sidled up beside him with a quiet smirk, barely glancing at Dazai’s sleeping figure.
“They’re not sleeping. I know they’re awake.” But Ranpo whispered anyway.
“then why are you being so quiet?” He whispered back, tempted to believe the detective who always could understand Dazai’s antics wordlessly.
“Because it’s funny. Let him have it. He’s getting better.” Kunikida sighed, but kept quiet as Ranpo searched the break room for hidden candy. Kunikida watched as he left without another word, and he started to leave Dazai alone after.
On the way out, he could have sworn he saw a little smug smile on their face. Nothing new, maybe his imagination.
“Kunikida-kun.~” The familiar voice called out, they were already sitting upwards and swinging their legs.
“hah…yes Dazai?” It would probably be another stupid pick up line for trying to place the blanket. He almost felt proud for predicting Dazai’s thoughts. “You could use the blanket.” But the other merely grinned wider.
“Hm? Oh, not that. You forgot your tea!~”
Kuni is so soft I'm gonna pinch his cheeks
“Breathe for me.”
“…Chuuya.”
“Breathe for me.”
“Chuuya- Chuuya where are you going? Chuuya-“
“Hey. Look at me, count to ten.”
“Chuuya don‘t go.”
“Just keep counting to ten. Again and again. I’ll
be back before nine.”
“The number or 9 am?”
“The number. Listen, listen it’s okay.”
“Chuuya I’m-“
“I know.” “Wait don’t-“
—-
“Mori-San fixed me up nice and quick. Though it still hurts like a bitch. Hey did you ever get to him too? I bet she could do something about your wound too.”
“You know I don’t like going there.”
“right.”
“…I told you not to go. We had a plan. We had a plan you knew the plan. I knew the plan. All you had to do was wait behind the boxes for two more seconds and it would be over. You weren’t supposed to move.”
“That’s not what you said.”
“That’s exactly what I said.”
“you said not to leave you. It’s not the same.”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re insufferable.”
—
“Please pick up- Oi where are you dumbass? I’m at the rendezvous point.”
“Well I’m already at the location. What’s taking you so long?”
“We’re supposed to plan it out first!”
“Pffft- Hahaha! You don’t- you don’t actually believe that do you? Did you find that on some corporate website slug? You know the plan. I know you do. Come on.”
“That’s what they all told us to do that’s what I did with-“
“With the sheep? You’re not there anymore. Get yourself together.”
“…bastard.”
—
“You know what we’re doing this time right? No stupid websites?”
“You’re still not over that? Fine, yeah. Come on what are you waiting for we don’t have all day.”
“We do.”
“The hell you you mean ‘we do’?”
“Mori just said we had to do it today. He never said when.”
“…You’re going to blow off this mission and stroll off to the port or something? Leave me to do it alone?”
“Yeah, call it delayed hazing in the port mafia.”
“It’s been at least a year.”
“I said delayed. Keep up.”
—
“I can’t believe that worked. I cannot believe that worked. I hate knowing you! I hate your stupid plans how do you just pull these out of your ass?”
“Awwwww is chibi jealous?”
“Of you? Don’t flatter yourself.”
“What, you really thought I would just blow off the mission like that? I would never hear the end of it from Mori.”
“I thought you didn’t care about what he said.”
“I don’t. He can burn for all I care…I do care about the peace and quiet he could give me. No pain. No Chuuya.”
“What a tempting offer.”
“I know!”
“um… excuse me? Sirs? Please stop causing a scene. You’re um…very loud.”
“Who are you?”
“The shop keeper.”
“Sorry, we’ll keep it down- why’d you lead us to a- a pet store???”
“So I can get dog food. Keep up Chuuya.”
Ohmygod they're terrible