#rain hunter

[simicidal]

I still have no talent.

Tumblr is going to shit, but I’ll still be here bc it owns my soul.

[ramiel-novak]

Oh the point is you're not supposed to be perfect and striving for perfection is an impossible task. Ah. I see now. I kept missing out on the finite moments trying to change them rather than just be in them. How suddenly we all change because one of us decides to change direction- the momentum flips and we know it's okay to go against the grain, as hard and exhausting as it is.

[ramiel-novak]

Y'all aren't ready for my anthro tiger girl OC

[ramiel-novak]

Funny how writers are celebrated for their creativity until they talk about it with a psychiatrist then we're punished and sedated for having an imagination. I can tell the difference between my creative writing and between my memories and though the line is blurry, there's so much truth behind the writing that it is dismissive to cast someone out.

I will rise again, victorious from the ashes, as a Phoenix does, and burn bright in the sky so that all that see can have Hope for a better future. We all deserve safety, comfort, shelter from the weather of the World.

I may not be famous or popular, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the peace and quiet and that I can share my thoughts and feelings without being heavily scrutinized by bad faith actors. I'm proud to be from a rural community that looks out for each other and values hard work over theft and supposed community outreach programs that demand you give up your personal beliefs to conform. A cult is a cult and I am done with being part of the secrets and the shame.

Happy birthday to Swing, who despite what happened and the pain of the flashbacks, is so strong and resilient. Happy birthday Swing, you are the collective name that brought me peace knowing it isn't Just Me in my mind. I have DID /and/ I am spiritually plural as well.

[ramiel-novak]

A little fatigued today but doing okay otherwise. Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. I lost my stepdad almost 10 years ago. It's been me trying to cope with this emptiness he left when he passed.

My birthday plans tomorrow? I have no idea but I just want to go ride horses for a bit. I want to feel freedom and not be paranoid about the constant looming poverty and potentially losing my housing again with my family. I'm doing my best and that's all I can.

[ramiel-novak]

Okay the Homestuck update was really good-- thank you James and Co. I got a lot of insight on my own failings to respect myself enough to let go of the things that I can't change in life. Like Vriska, I needed to grow up. She also happens to be my Patron troll so that's an interesting parallel. I'm doing relatively okay now but it's been hard to pull myself out of the hell scapes I put myself into trying to uncover so many mysteries.

I found so much peace working for my Dad and being mundane again. I found balance and rest and recuperation after my travels this summer and many hospitalizations. I'm grateful to all who supported me while I was unstable and made little to no sense. There's this sober grounded self that's capable of understanding that when and where are appropriate filters before sharing certain information, and with whom. Discretion is key and it's something I have a deficit in on occasion and I'm proud to say I'm learning to think more deeply before sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. It's okay to have internal reflection and I love journaling in many ways that don't involve my blog.

I will be updating shortly on my personal site as I have some music written while we were in VA. I hope you enjoy the music and it is something that resonates. I love creating as my way of releasing the constant ruminating I have internally. It is imperative that we all continue to do inventory of ourselves and how we interact with not only others but how we are when we feel we are alone. I miss my stepdad but he doesn't feel the need to hover as much now I'm not in crisis. He's special to me and I know I will be okay with him gone. -Rain Hunter

[ramiel-novak]

My Cherokee 3 certificate of completion arrived today!! 🥰✌️

[ramiel-novak]

Anyways I'm 2-spirit and for me it is a cultural thing, and it ties into my plurality. I do identify with the narrative of having more than one soul. I do feel like there's an effeminate man and a masculine woman inside me, sometimes at odds and other times embracing. My connection to the astral plane is very strong and I regularly communicate with my ancestors in my dreams and during rituals. I do have spirit guides that often come in the form of animals guiding me. I'm often ashamed to talk about this stuff in fear people will accuse me of faking my native ancestry. I know myself more than some random person on the internet knows me. Sorry, but you can't erase my history just because I don't align with what you think an Indigenous person should look like.