When we enter a relationship, Mother Nature provides a bunch of brain chemicals that help us bond, fall in love and eventually propagate the species. During the first six to 18 months of a new relationship, there’s an increase in levels of dopamine, testosterone, PEA and norepinephrine. Some of these chemicals are kissin’ cousins of amphetamines, so we can find our hearts racing when we think of our partners and even become flush and perspire. We find ourselves able to stay up all hours of the night and get anxious when we don’t get a partner “fix.”
Over time, these addictive brain chemicals slowly reduce and our “normal” selves emerge to once again think about friends, family and jobs and not just focus on our partner. This is a new stage in a relationship. For many couples, when they feel the butterflies flitting away, they assume love has flitted away as well.
Many people try to find (and keep) a relationship that will stay in the chemical-high stage forever. These folks are identified by the fact that they move from relationship to relationship every year or so and never seem to hang around long enough to discover what the next stage has to offer. This is an unfortunate way to live. Let’s consider an alternative.
The post-butterfly stage of a relationship provides stability, respect, contentment and trust, which add up to long-term commitment and a lifelong relationship. But just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up excitement and passion. The good news – it is possible to get those brain chemicals flowing again. The bad news – it requires work.
Regardless of how long you’ve been together, if you feel the butterflies flying away, give your relationship an honest assessment. Before you cut and run and go in search of new and prettier butterflies ask yourself this: Is the love really gone – or is your relationship simply at a crossroads? Don’t abandon a solid relationship because Mother Nature is playing chemistry games with your heart and head. Consider your options and choose wisely.
