#ramblingpoet

[ramblingpoet]

Sick sick sweet

The bile in my belly has a sweet taste

A sharp scent of decay that is sweet upon first taste but quickly turns acidic as it rolls across your tongue and suddenly you’re reminded of an animals body left to rot in the sun

warm, bloated and expanding,

gases leaving the lungs begin to rip through the sinew and gore permeating the air with the scent of death that brings bile to the back of your throat

Talking to you is similiar to this taste.

As the words drip like honey from my lips your reply envokes in me a response so strong that the words die in my throat

Any thought of moving on or over you is quickly squished as my heart begins to ache and that familiar acidic bite begins creeping back up my throat

I swallow the bile

I swallow the words

I try to swallow my feelings for you hoping they’ll die in my gut

[ramblingpoet]

The sickness has taken over,

spread its rot into my veins

Poisoned every single thought before

My mind could even thunk —

The nausea rolls deep within me

Sending bile to each nerve cell

No saltine cracker nor ginger ale

Will calm the beast within me wails

I don’t want to be around others

Though I’ve never felt quite so alone

The walls are quite

The fridge may hum

In my mind a cacophony of sounds

The sickness has taken over

And I fear it’s here to stay

[ramblingpoet]

I think

I’m falling In love again

I hope I scream

I sigh i scheme

I think I am

Finally free

[ramblingpoet]

The night was warm

And the air smelt of dead things

Of decay and sulfur and your laugh

I heard bells

Alarms in the distance

Ringing ringing

Calling me back

[ramblingpoet]

Within my dreams I’m free to be a me that’s not my self

And each morning is getting harder

To return to the life left

[ramblingpoet]

I dreamt of you again.

Of your smile your laugh your face

In the waking hours it’s getter harder to remember the exact colors of your eyes

To remember the way that you taste

The exact way your lips quirked and settled on your face

My heart it aches it aches

You have become a symbol

More ghost then man

For the amount of time you haunt me

And coming running through my head

Your Tendrils sinking into each facet of my life

Tethered to these thoughts of you. Do you still think of me too? Of course not.

Because a ghost cannot feel

They cannot regret

Because what we had is gone and dead

And I’m left picking up the pieces

This puzzle is one I don’t believe

I have the power to put back together

And I understand why people want to move back to Chernobyl

Homes overgrown with leaves and green

Weeds pushing up through cracked concrete

A city of ghosts and silence and abandoned buildings

I get why people would move back to a ruined city

And risk the radiation

The cancer of the bone

Underneath the devastation

The place still feels like home

[ramblingpoet]

Sometimes a title comes first

Sometimes I think time passes slowly

Like Molasses dripping from spoon to a cup

My days a monotonous sluggish crawl

Each hour a snail on the sidewalk in the sun

Going through the motions until the snail and I are one

Other times it feels like I finally wake up

Suddenly surprised by how my life’s been

Wasn’t it just yesterday I had been 7 or 10?

What’s my age again? 24? 25?

I’m pretty sure most of the blogs I follow on tumblr are no longer Alive

When was the last time I wrote poetry?

Can I still even create the same imagery?

Spinning words like threads

An insidious spider web

Of rhymes and rhythms I hear in my head

Is it lost? A gift that’s been with me so long? Can you ever lose what was all that made you who you are?

I stare at the page and my cursor blinks on

Just words on some paper

Just your fucking life line

Just the only thing that ever helped you survive

So I sit and i think and I wonder And sigh

And just like the snail

I slowly forge on

[ramblingpoet]

Die young

I use to wish that I would die young

Not purposefully but in some freak accident

Leave the world before truly making a physical mark

My family will cry and my friends will all wonder

How fate could be so cruel a true tragic blunder

And they would converse and reminisce on the past

And speculate the future that would never elapse

All while my body was cut and dissected

My soul long ago left the shell it inhibited

“She could have done this” “she would have done that”

My future no longer filling me with dread

Expectations and dreams burning to ash

The instant my body gets put in a bag

No chance of disappointing my family or self

After all I wouldn’t need a future if dead

No more second guessing if my choices were right

If the path I was on would lead to the light

No worries no fears no “what if’s” or “what may”

Just the end of a slightly short existence

And Sometimes, oh sometimes I still wish for it