I always wondered why I could never get a hold of my emotions. I always tried to understand why I did the things I did. Do you ever do that? Do you ever want to really know how you came to a decision? How did the means justify the end? Funny, I always followed thru these kinds of things. I always try to get to the root- but, it doesn't always happen that way does it? Who knew I'd be here now? Who knew I have to silently wish that I wasn't here- that I wish I was closer to the people who understood me for me? Sure, these people have to understand me- but there, in another place, I am accepted not tolerated. In some other place, I am loved for the things I am able to do- I don't want a praise with a price. I feel so little here, so useless. Yes, I felt the same in some other place, maybe. But- in some other place, I could go where no1 would find me. A sweet escape. A short and meanigful bliss. Even if it were with a person or few, it was fresh air in the midst of a tight spot. Oh how I wish I could be in a place where I could breathe again. How I long to sit quiet and allow the whole world to fade out. Oh, how wonderful it would be if you understood what it is like to have such kinds of wants and needs. Oh if only. Only if.