The Moment of Truth: Wild Mountain Debrief
Well everyone,
I'm alive. I survive perhaps one of the scariest situations I have experienced thus far in my young life.
*Disclaimer: I'm going to give you guys a play-by-play or maybe an extending elaboration of thoughts is a better way of saying it; either way this is going to be lengthy. I would apologize but I need to vent. E cares to a certain extent. Creativity would scoff at the whole thing saying "I had nothing to worry about in the first place and then *insert loving phrase that is incredibly sweet here*. Alexis has no clue about anything. Laila lives in Jordan, 8 hour difference. Caitlin just got home from Northwestern. Elena is working and going through some things, and honestly I like venting on here because I don't feel guilty afterwards.*
Ok Onward!
The night prior to Wild Mountain I was what they would call a mess. I've never been so thankful for Tucker. I also learned that it is very possible to annoy your own dog. I was asking E all the dos and don'ts of meeting the extended family. E of course was cracking up. "Excuse me for teasing you but I never get a chance to make fun of you, we both know this is a rare" (Which is true, the last time was when I was like 7, I think, I got smacked with a yoga ball) After that, it was Tucker's turn to experience his mother at her worst. Around 10pm, I started trying on different outfits. Looking back, it was ridiculous. I GOOGLED best outfits to wear when meeting extended family and for road trips to compare and find a happy medium. After about a good 30 minutes of asking Tucker various questions like, "What does this say about my self esteem? Does it look like I'm trying too hard? Is this shirt too bright, because I feel as though I can be seen from space?" I decided on my Of Mice and Men T-Shirt with some Aero sweats but they were cool enough to look like fashionable pants. I figured the Of Mice and Men shirt would show that I have a brain, and an eye for an American classic. No makeup so to seem a little more transparent and sociable . The ashy navy blue sweats with them pulled up at the knee to convey a chill nature without being lazy. (I'm actually incredibly embarrassed now) After the clothing debacle, I cuddled up with Tucker feeling much more successful. I get a text from Lucas basically saying his dad likes me and think is that when I say something, Lucas could have said the same thing. Any normal human beings would have found solace in that comment. That somehow stressed me out even more. I chuckled to myself and scream in my pillow. Where the hell had this Jae come from? I've never cared what people really thought about me, men especially. I guess, I've never had to worry about people not liking me. Realizing all of this, I did what I do best in tricky situations: I talked it out with Tucker. I mean I really talked it out. I verbalized every thought in my head. After about 3 hours, Tucker fell asleep. I woke him up and decided to take him on a walk. (I know this was a very bad decision but I had to get out that house and just breathe. That took about 30 minutes because he was scared. When we got back I kept going now I was doing my pre- Papa Sean ritual. Thinking of jokes, discussions, and small talk that may interest him . Here I was planning jokes. The one thing I tell everyone is that you can count on me for random, funny, fresh commentary, and here I was planning the shit! Finally, after having 10 jokes lined up, 3 possible discussion topics, and the highlights from ESPN and CNN memorized. I went to sleep. It was about 6:00am I think .
So I woke up very peaceful for only having 3 or so hours of sleep, I turned on some "Your Body Is A Wonderland instrumental" by John Mayer, ready to smile and stretch and take Tucker is used the bathroom. All of a sudden E calls. I pick up because he usually does not call so early. The conversation is short with him saying he would be in my neighborhood and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. It was then I remember that it was Thursday and that meant I was suppose to be spending the day with Creativity and his family for his brother's birthday. I started freaking out on the phone thinking I wasn't ready.(At this time it's about 9:00 am, they're suppose to be here 10:00-10:30am-ish) E chuckles and tells me to calm down. His exact words were "Are they human? Oh, ok it's impossible for humans not to like you" That made me smile but I hurried to get off the phone. I did chores quick because mom usually pulls that before I go anywhere. I go to get Tucker together and see that he has no food left. I beg my mom to take me to the store so I don't feel like an unfit mother. I buy him some food and treats because I felt bad for leaving for the day again. When I got back I packed everything and made sure I was ready. Oh and Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" was on repeat. I'm not sure why that one exactly, it was particularly depressing, the music I imagine if one were walking to their death.(Well the first five minutes of it at least, cause you know it's like 15 minutes and after five minutes the tone changes drastically) Anyway, by the end of it I'm like, "Yeah, let's do this!!!!!"
They pull up in the car and I just watch for a moment. I contemplate saying I was sick and on the way to the hospital, for what, I have no clue, but I consider it. As I soon as I saw Lucas get out of the car, my feet moved. That scared the shit out of me. It was involuntary, my initial reaction was to go run to him but I looked at the car again and slowed down. I honestly felt bad about my feeling towards his father. I really wanted to like this guy. He and Creativity are so much alike. Their mannerisms are identical. I didn't understand the disconnect with me between the two.
I have never been wary or hesitant in the three or so years of knowing Lucas. I was the one who initiated contact in 8th grade, 9th grade my head was a million miles away(probably in Italy or Canada--Lucas would probably prefer Canada due to the ridiculous laws regarding rape in Italy), but I still made sure to say hello sporadically, 10th grade he just outright shut me down on a couple of a occasions and I finally just left it alone. (Well until 4th quarter, Media Arts. I was not taking no for an answer. We were going to be friends, dammit!)
And it wasn't like Momma S and I had braided each others hair and sang "Kumbaya" or "Makidada". I mean, our birthdays are a day apart so maybe that got me some brownie points unbeknownst to me. I'm not sure what it was exactly with Papa S. I have an inkling, it's because he's literally the only person I cannot read. His comments give nothing away unless he wants them to. He's what I would imagine Michael Weston from Burn Notice would be as a Dad.
I'm just blabbering now.
I can't pinpoint my discomfort with Papa S. I knew it was something that would change with time. I'd do a mental "Doh!" and wish I had an invisibility cloak every time I said something around him.
See! I'm already getting sidetracked. Hogan would be appalled -_-
So we pack in the car, I'm at more ease when I see Zeke and Dante. We exchange pleasantries, and we're off. Papa S cracks some joke, I can't remember for the life of me what it was, but everybody erupts in laughter. So he drives, we ride. It's incredibly normal, but I've never been in this situation. My nerves come back. Of course everything I thought of the night before is forgotten. The ride to his grandma's was so very nerve wracking. I could barely look Lucas in the eyes. I was being ridiculous. I knew this. I still couldn't shake the anxiety.
Luckily, we arrived at Grandma Bunny's house. I already loved this woman just because everyone called her Bunny. It was also here I met his Aunt Kim and Uncle Jason and Grandpa Cowboy. Everybody made me feel welcomed. I probably looked like I felt out of place but I was just being super observant. After spending some months with these people I knew they weren't ordinary. My family would never do anything like this, or even interact the way they were. They were all so loving and comfortable with each other. Baby Leo was the star of the show as to be expected. I'll be honest, I felt a pang of jealousy or I think it was. It wasn't a "I hate them for having this!", it was more so, "Whoa, this exists? It looks nice. I don't wanna be presumptuous and say I'll have it someday, but it's been nice to experience in this short time."
We all left from Grandma's to the our final destination. Sherri decided to ride in the car with Kim and Jason. I was a lot more at ease the second stretch of the trip. I even initiated conversation with Papa S, yes it was only a simple question. It was if he and his ex wife frequented Apple Orchards in the fall with their sons. I think that was as big as when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. I did a mental fist pump.
So we arrived! The place looked awesome! We go up to pay. We got everything situationed at our picnic table. As we're walking I see these group of boys, obviously teenagers or early twenties. I cringed internally. "This was gonna be awkward." I imagined I confused them. What does me, a black bigger built girl with gauges, look like with this white relatively short and skinny family. I myself have no problem with this. Julie is white and about 5'10 and E is also white but about 5'7. Zoey is a tiny pixie with bleach blonde hair. I was used to the stares. I just couldn't imagine what his family was thinking. Maybe they misinterpreted my actions when the group of guys were around. I wanted to straight up kiss Lucas so the universal sign for taken could go in effect. But that wouldn't have looked the best... I just stayed close to whoever I was with.
As the day progressed it was great! I was getting comfortable with everyone. We all had fun together. At one point Lucas and I somehow got on the topic of it being our two week anniversary. If you know me well enough, you will know that when I propose something funny, it's usually just for the sake of the joke. so I tell him, "Since it's our two week anniversary, and it's a milestone and all, I think it's appropriate to make a toast with juice boxes when we get back to the table." We laughed and I thought that was the end of it. We walk up to the Big Country slide and see his parents. He then tells his parents what I just said. Momma S shakes her head yes. I wanted to disappear. I try to do some damage control and say, "But it's Zeke's birthday, our two week anniversary is minute in comparison; that's one of the reasons I dislike my birthday." Papa S then says, "Well ya know you only have a two week anniversary once." We all laugh and get ready for the adventure. Luckily we did not toast with juice boxes. Papa S and I talked simply and sporadically throughout the day. He even teased me! I felt so very accomplished in that moment. I could breathe a little easier after that. The rest of the day was exceptional!
On the way home we were all relatively quiet. Lucas was acting as if I'd disappear. We were packed in the car like before so closeness wasn't a problem just by default. Even with knowing this, he held me tighter. I didn't complain one bit. I teased him a little for it. We just enjoyed each other's presence most of the ride. With Summer comes construction, so we ended up getting stuck on 694. I panic because I have no clue how to get home myself and I feel bad. Papa S cracks a joke saying, "Well if I knew your middle name I would know another way to get you home." He saves the day and ends up getting off the highway. He drives for a little bit then I start to recognize the area and am able to direct them to my house. Lucas walks me to the door and leaves.
As I reflected on the day I was proud of myself. I went through the whole day without a major fail or panic attack. I made my 'stance in the group' as Lucas put it. Zeke seemed to have fun. They seemed to enjoy my presence. Dante was happy with all the eye candy. Most of all, I WASN'T AFRAID OF PAPA S ANYMORE!!
I went to sleep knowing E would laugh after I retold everything to him, and chuckling to myself how normal I could be.