An Absolutely Real Conversation Between Jan Heine and Mike Kone
Jan Heine: Hey Mike Kone of Boulder Bicycles, did I ever tell you about the time when I was well into a short 300K morning jaunt feeling particularly peckish?
Mike Kone: I don't think you ever did take time out from editing Bicycle Quarterly to tell me that story, Jan.
Jan: Well, as I said, I was well into a short 300K morning jaunt straight up Mount Ginourmous here in the beautiful Northwest and I as feeling particularly peckish. I was fortunate enough to find a pharmacy in the Swiss-themed Washington town of La Chaux-de-Fonds-en-Mont-Ginourmous that carried Le Sustinance Magnifique which, as you know, is the French equivalent of Ensure. So I picked up two bouteilles.
Mike: I'll bet with the help of "cyclistes petite aide" you were able to make quick work of the remaining morning ride.
Jan: It was either the bouteilles or the tacos. It was a tough ride, even for a morning 300K jaunt. Some of the roads were particularly rough.
Mike: Without your wide 650b tires and low-trail geometry frame, I don't know how you would have done it!
Jan: That's right! If my 650b Hetre tires had not soaked up the bumps like they did, I'm sure I would have been down at least half a taco to suspension losses.
Mike: And I can't imagine the disaster if you had attempted such a feat with a slanted top tube.
Jan: Not so fast, Mike. If you remember our double blind tests, we found that a sloped top tube can be particularly efficient, but only at night. The horizontal top tube only maintained its advantage during the day.
Mike: Of course, I had completely forgotten about issue 23b! WIth that new information about top tube angles relative to sunlight, we had a particularly tough time recommending the proper equipment for summertime tours above the Arctic Circle.
Jan: Well good luck with that. Did you end up building that 650b fat bike frame you were talking about?
Mike: Jan, how can you forget the triple blind testing that your colleague, Mark Vande Kamp did with our replica of the classic mid-40s French Azuesiette style tourer? Especially given the surprising results at how well suited that style of frame was to modern Arctic touring?
Jan: Of course, the Azuesiette with its lovely patina and all those custom proprietary parts! Monsieur Azuesiette was a postal worker, sick of the snowy Parisian streets who retired to the North of France. There, he quickly mastered the art of frame building at his fat tire bike shop.
Mike: Of course it was all due to the popularity of time trials in the 40s. I can't believe how many innovations they brought out!