#ranmei

[regicidal-optimism]

we must imagine our favorite characters tired and currently I'm thinking about shi mei after having upsetting manipulative sex with mo ran. mo ran has fallen asleep already and shi mei's exhausted but he's taking longer partly bc he always takes a while to fall asleep but mostly bc he's having a hell of a time calming down. mo ran's arm is draped over his waist and he hates it. and when he wakes up in the morning— mo ran already awake but holding still to let him keep sleeping— he's not sure how to feel about the fact that he'd managed to sleep like this at all.

[regicidal-optimism]

but like I'm right. what if I volunteered to be your weapon and neither of us knew yet what that meant. what if I trapped us both in a relationship in order to use you even though it repulsed and terrified me. what if you encouraged all my most self-destructive tendencies and you did it with the sweetest smile in the world. what if you thought I was too pure to hurt and you didn't even realize it was a threat. what if I adored you and you didn't want me to but when you were in the pits of grief the first thing you thought was "can I get him to tell me he loves me" anyway. what if I couldn't stand touching you but I couldn't stop either. what if I loved you and had no idea how little I knew you. what if I hated you and had no idea how little I knew you. what if a piece of your soul lived in me and shaped me forever. what if your love was a cell I was trapped in and I locked the door. and our shizun was a tree.

[hollow-burst]

Vacation in summer, I guessing.

[anch-witch]

[sylphisms]