#rantdiary

[consistently-fit]

I AM BACK <3! 

HEYYY.  Been a darn long time since I wrote anything on here, but a little birdie came and stopped by to stalk on my profile so I remembered that I actually had Tumblr! At first I was so mad, never felt so much anger in my life honestly. I felt like deleting my profile on here but after <3 talked me out of it and I realized I would be losing so many memories, I kept it, and I will be using it more regularly just to keep some people entertained as digging up the past isn’t so smart right...? Well it is as I have nothing to hide, but I don’t like twisting of stories, everything is in black and white and should be kept like that :). 

I have to say, this journey hasn’t been easy at all. I know who I am as a person, I know that I am kind, well mannered, and groomed myself well as a unique individual but get people who always want to see the worst in me. My account shared many emotional messages, losing my aunt and my grandpa being sick etc, and I get such sick individuals who show lack of remorse throughout looking at my page. 

Anyways I wont make this about them, as it never is. I could say more, write more, but I won’t :). Got to keep smiling and keep a positive attitude but be aware of certain individuals x. 

I created this profile long time ago to create my own little world where I can post about fitness, be motivated about life my career, studies etc. Its where I felt like I wasn’t judged and can post whatever. 

Anywho, whatever rejection <3 and I get will only make us stronger and be much closer. 

[consistently-fit]

own what you are and don’t answer to nobody.

That’s the most attractive thing you can be. 

I myself need a reminder about this. I am different, I am not your “average” 21 year old that goes out, parties, drinks smoke etc. I have my own different taste in music for example and what I do is different than most people. I am not used to being around people and I tend to be kind, not being able to communicate proper with people and that’s just one of my weaknesses. I am who I am though and I am comfortable with it. 

Sometimes people say something that makes me feel like an outcast, as if I am not “cool enough” and it does get to me won’t lie, but at then end of the day I don’t ever wanna change who I am. I am different, I am me, and the best thing to do is freaken own it and accept it. 

Own up to listening to “white music” more. Own up to not being a social bunny. Own up to not feeling comfortable with swearing. Own up to being different. Own up to not wanting to do what is expected of me just because it’s the “norm”. Own up to who I am as an individual, because this is me and I will never change. It is what it is. 

[consistently-fit]

RANT !!

Cousins from dad's side are coming over. Am I happy? Heck no! I don't get people who just invite themselves over and can't even notice that they're not welcomed 😳.

Me, I'm just used to my own personal space, so having people you're not close with come and crash in your room makes me upset and full on annoyed. This week I was planning on starting fresh, start a 12 week challenge and give my all, and now look what happened #grrrr . I'll just spend as many time in my room and be studying for my "upcoming test"

Well I do have one anyways, so yeah.

Still mad though.

[consistently-fit]

Frustrated

It been almost 3 weeks since I've been back at college and I still don't have my text books. Last year I didn't have a problem with this because the college included the text books in out fees, so the books arrived on time and actually a lot fast. Now the books we get to order them ourselves. I have tests in 2 weeks time, I haven't started studying nor making notes. I just feel as if for me to study properly and make notes, I need my books! I've sent the guys an e-mail and tomorrow morning or on Tuesday, I shall give them a call. At first I didn't mind but now things are getting real and I cannot fall behind with studying.

[consistently-fit]

Rant !

Since yesterday I’ve been crying and being hella stressed. ×I can’t get a lift club to my college(there’s only a few kids in my erea who go that college, because it’s quiet far) ×I feel like such a burden since my college is expensive and dad is obviously comparing my fees to my sister’s university fees, which are a whole cheaper.

I feel like the black sheep of the family right now. I don’t want to be an annoyance to anyone and if I could - I’d start working as of now. I’d even drop out of college and work in banking as the minimum requirements are if u done with high school. Anyways I do want to start living my life and be out of this place, but it seems like it’s going to be a long journey. I really do HATE feeling like an annoyance to people. And to top it off, my mom doesn’t work so I have to get everything from my dad, who has a lot on his plate as he has to pay for a lot of school and college fees. I hate this. I hate being a burden.