"Rants in the dark" by Emily Writes
I got gifted this book today and it's already struck a few chords. Including that I'm pretty sure we share the same brain.
On page 22 she talks about wanting to give up but not. Theres the sentence "To your baby you're home and the nicest, snuggliest home there is".
Story time: My mother passed when I was 3. Since then whenever the question on a form comes up "home town" or someone asks "where are you from" LAYERS and YEARS of internal philosophy unfold on this.
Being part New Zealans Maori (I would consider myself full but being pale skinned this is frowned on a lot) heritage and family are very important. whakawhanaungatanga (fuck-a-fa-known-a-tongue-a) is the proper term.
So where I come from is a big question for me. I never been able to answer. Yes I lived in that town but that's not home. Yes I grew up here..mostly..but its not home. This book has answered this question. The fibres of my brain mashed a part by trauma have stitched back together with a lovely crispy sound.
My mother was my first home. She always will be the most homiest home I ever had. The cliche home is where the heart is. In my 26 years I'm yet to find a love as unconditional.
I cannot confidently say where I come from because my home has gone.