#rantymcrantpants

[justanunderwaterthing]

I just really need to vent right now.

So my husband and I work for my parents. I’ve been here for 18 years. In that time I have gotten maybe 3 or 4 raises. I didn’t take a vacation of ANY kind for 5 years straight after my kids were born. My son was literally 6 years old before he went on any kind of vacation or trip away from home. And then it was for 4 days spread across a weekend so we wouldn’t have to miss too much work and leave my parents alone. I haven’t a week straight off of work in 18 years. I’ve had to listen to them fight. I’ve had to have them take out their frustrations on me. After the recession in 2008 it was so fucking stressful around here I was having panic attacks several times a week while trying to keep it together for my husband, my parents, and my kids. My dad was so cruel to me that at least once a month I’d go home and cry myself to sleep because he made me feel like I was literal trash. I was fucking suicidal for YEARS for fucks sake and all they cared about was how I was crabby at work!!! I mean it was straight up shitty here for a long fucking time and while it’s much better (mostly because I’ve worked really hard to detach myself from their shit) it’s still stressful. And I still worry about them and their well being. They are constantly bitching about how tired and over worked they are, and they are getting older and they ARE my parents and well, I worry. I try to mitigate it for them as much as they will let me.

For example, we didn’t take any time off last summer because my dad gave us such a hard time about it we felt too guilty to do it. So again, going on 2 years now with nothing off of work except Christmas and sick days (which, believe me, require me to be super ill in order to be able to stay home, like not able to move ill). Another example, my kid’s birthday is tomorrow and while one of us is ALWAYS here until close at 9PM (so my mom doesn’t have to stay and my dad won’t be alone) tomorrow, understandably, we both want to go home at around 7 so we can celebrate a little with our kid. And we were worried about saying so because we didn’t want to burden them.

And you know what I fucking found out tonight? My brother and my sister in law asked my 67 year old mother to watch their 4 hellion children (ages 2, 4, 7, and 9) for 3 days and 2 nights (Sun, Mon, and Tues) so they can go out of town by themselves. WHAT THE FUCK. And of course she’s going to do it! And they fucking know she will say yes. They should know better than to even ask. I mean what the actual fuck. I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve asked my mom to watch my kids so my husband and I could have even one night alone. I would never in a million fucking years have thought of asking her (or anyone) to do that. Guess what? when you’re a parent of small children you JUST DON’T GET TO DO THAT. I am just beyond pissed right now. And honestly I know I shouldn’t be because it’s really  none of my business (except for the two work days where we’ll be short a person but hey) but I am just...livid. It just feels so unfair I can’t take it.

I guess the moral of the story is get yours and fuck every one else, eh kids?

[justanunderwaterthing]

I have the cramps and they’re making me a little sick to my stomach. I’d love to be curled up in a ball under the covers but that ain’t gonna happen so, too bad for me. suck it up, self! so instead, a rant.

i’ve been feeling really pretty darn good lately. i’ve been working really hard around my house to try to take care of things that i’ve previously let slide due to a combination of stress, anxiety, depression, being broke, and having small children in the house (no comment on how the first four relate to the last one). the thing is i feel like i’m doing it alone, and i’m going to have to do it alone. all of it. because my husband will literally not start a god damn thing. he’ll let things go until they rot to pieces before he decides to do anything about a situation. i mean, i’ve been with him for 20 years so i know and accept this about him, but i feel like he’s not even being supportive of the work i’m doing? like last night i was musing about what my next steps should be because there are several things that need to happen next and i’m not exactly sure of what order i want to tackle them in. and he sort of....yelled at me? about how curtains and shelves and furniture don’t matter and what he wants is a certain piece of furniture cleaned out and another one moved and i just thought...what the fuck dude? i’ve done literally everything so far. EVERYTHING. he’s put some bags in the car and driven them to goodwill and that’s literally fucking it. i’ve done all the planning, all the cleaning, all the moving. part of me is just resigned to the fact that i will have to do all of it alone, but this is more than i expected. i thought i’d at least get support, or enthusiasm, not like, anger that i was talking about what to do next. i don’t even feel like i’m interested in asking him to go furniture shopping at this point. i’ll just do the whole fucking thing myself and he can sit on his ass and nap. maybe he’ll be willing to come to the store when i need his signature for financing. it sucks to be in a partnership that doesn’t feel like one.

i’m frustrated to say the least. you know what though? i’m hanging on to my desire to improve things and i’m going to work through the frustration with as little anger as possible. because it’s important for me. he can come along or not. it’s up to him. i’m not dragging him along or waiting on him to make a move anymore.

[justanunderwaterthing]

As a brief follow up to my earlier work post...

This afternoon there was a lady here looking for sheet music for a specific song and she had like...food all over her face and paint all over her hands and the whole thing was just kinda strange. While someone else was helping her a couple came in with their obnoxious 2 year old who proceeded to run right over to the guitars and start shrieking “GUITAR GUITAR GUITAR” over and over and over while strumming and grabbing every guitar he could get his grubby little hands on. So, I’m helping this couple while simultaneously trying to stop the toddler from breaking anything and all of a sudden there’s this huge crashing sound and everyone is like WTF?! We look over and food-face lady has walked directly into a window instead of going out the door. Like non-stop, no hesitation, right into the huge potted plants we keep in front of the window (she knocked one over), smack right into the window. She fell flat on her ass. There was a giant forehead print on the window. When she got up she reassured us she wouldn’t sue us (? for what?) and then left. After she left the couple I was helping proceeded to rip into the lady for being dumb enough to walk into the window (while their kid continued to run around the store shrieking GUITARRRRRRRRR).

[justanunderwaterthing]

We’re just wrapping up our busiest time of the year at work. I like this time of year because it’s pretty intense, there’s always something to do and (usually) friendly people to help. But now at the tail end it starts getting weird and the people start getting angrier and stupider. For example: they come in looking for a book that their kid was supposed to have 2 weeks ago. First they’re pissed off that they have to buy the book (don’t the schools provide the book? I can’t believe it! I can’t believe they’re forcing you to take band!) and then when they have no idea what it’s called and they ask me and I find it for them they look at their dumb 11 year old and say “Is this the book? Are you sure? Are you sure it’s the right book?” and dumb 11 year old grunts “uh-huh” and then they ask me “Are you sure?” and I smile and answer with a friendly “Yes! It sure is!” while inside I’m screaming “I’ve sold approximately 350 of these goddamn books in the last two weeks, not to mention the literal thousands I’ve sold over the last 15 years YES I’M SURE”. (Also by the way, no kid in our district is forced to take band. They have a choice between band/orchestra and choir, and it’s only for one year.) These are often the same parents who bitch at their kid the entire time they’re in the store about how much money said kid is costing them. The book is literally 11 dollars. Most of these parents haven’t even rented or bought a quality instrument for their kid (which is why they still don’t have the book). They’ve either dragged some gross instrument out of their basement or attic that’s been sitting for 20 years and is barely playable and filthy, or they’ve borrowed one from a neighbor (even grosser because now it’s someone else’s spit that has been sitting inside the horn and growing mold and bacteria for the last 20 years that your kid is now going to breathe in every time they take a breath while playing), or they’ve bought some shitty $100 clarinet or whatever on amazon because they have ZERO common sense and can’t figure out why all the music stores charge so much more for instruments (we must just be ripping them off, but not them, because they are SUPER CLEVER and found a great deal).

Long story short all of this is fairly normal and not that big of a deal. But every time it happens it’s a ting drop in the bucket of my customer service limit. I reached my breaking point Tuesday when a guy walked in the store and walked up to the counter and mumbled “hey do you haamfmiaslkjfdia”. I said, I’m sorry, what was that? And he pulled up his sleeve to show me his BLOODY BICEP and asked me if I had a tissue or a paper towel so he could clean it up. ?????????????????????????????? DUDE WHAT? I pointed him to the bathroom and then I actually had to leave. I went home and took some tums and some advil and sat in the dark for 20 minutes. I’m still not over it. My mom reached her breaking point this weekend when someone pissed in the trash can in the bathroom. YAY RETAIL.

[justanunderwaterthing]

I am so fucking hot and crabby and i can barely stand looking at myself i’m so disgusting. fuuuuck i hate myself so hard right now. my house is a mess. i’m a mess. it’s 8 billion degrees. and i’m a fat fucking lazy ass piece of shit. hur-fucking-ray yay i love summer

[justanunderwaterthing]

i think working in retail for so long has absolutely ruined my patience with people. my son’s friend left her purse at his birthday party yesterday. the party ended 24 hours ago--not a word from anyone about the missing purse. just now the mom texted me and asked if we had it. i said we did and that my son could bring it to school tomorrow. welllll, that wasn’t good enough. she asked if she could come and get it tonight. and i’m thinking...well, no. i really don’t want you to, maybe that wasn’t clear? but i’m a nice person so i say, sure. no problem. my husband is going out right now to do some grilling, here’s our address, he’ll have it outside. and she texts back great! i’ll be there in 30-40 mintues, after i finish cooking. like...BITCH hello? if he’s grilling right now that means we’ll be eating dinner in 30-40 minutes. so i kindly tell her that and ask again if her daughter can just wait until tomorrow. she writes back “it has her phone” and i’m like. okay. fine. she tells me to just leave it on the porch. pffffffffffffft right. so when someone takes it your dumb, rich ass can blame me? i don’t think so. 

i mean what is wrong with people? i have to put up with shit like this at work but why the fuck do i have to do it in my private life? if the situation was reversed i’d either a) tell my kid too bad you have to wait until tomorrow, if it was that important you should have asked me eariler b) inconvenience myself by pausing my dinner cooking, or c) ask my husband to go get it? like what’s wrong with him? but no. she decides to do what she wants and fuck everyone else. i’m so sick of rude ass bitches i swear to god.

[lunamanar]

i'm curious about those 'uncharitable thoughts' you mentioned in your squall manifesto, haha.

You’ll have to forgive me if my answer is kind of ranty and herpderp because I have been awake for a very long time and am now too tired to sleep. But.

Basically I am generally frustrated with Ellone being the catch-all for all the BAD in FFVIII. Her parents die, her adoptive mom dies, her adoptive dad doesn’t come back for her in time for her and her baby brother to be shipped off to an orphanage, where they live for just long enough to be heedlessly separated and then she spends the next… *counts* 12-ish years of her life living on a boat where she’s under guard 24/7 because all sorts of evil sorceresses are after her and that means she doesn’t get to have a life and is stuck babysitting and hiding the entire time. No fucking wonder she wanted to change the past. 

Her only real use in the narrative is as a tool for other people or a captive princess. Which is just such a damn shame because she was clearly a precocious little bugger as a small kid and had enough of a mind of her own as an adult to actually try and change things. Even if she didn’t succeed/decided it wasn’t actually what she wanted, I feel like she deserves more credit and screen time than she’s given. 

There were a ton of other reasons Squall might’ve gone to Esthar besides “use my long lost sister to save the love who replaced her.” It’s justifiable (given all the reasons mentioned in the essay), but it’s not necessary. Maybe Odine could’ve provided an attractive option. Maybe Esthar’s hospitals are better because, y’know, space age technology. Maybe it just seemed like a safe place to hide. 

But no, they had to have Ellone provide the perfect excuse to go seek her out as a solution to Rinoa’s plight. Like good fucking god hasn’t everyone asked enough of the woman?

…Anyway, yeah. That’s “uncharitable.”