Prompt- “The lizard and I will kill things for you.”
Prompt- “Nobody wants me. Not even myself.”
Warnings- Feelings of uselessness, Feelings of being unloved, Crying, overall just depression themes
‘Would anyone miss me if I disappeared?Would anybody even care if I was gone?’ That's all that kept playing in your head. Were you really that useless? Why would everyone keep you around if you weren’t wanted? Well, no, you may be needed? No you aren’t, you’re not needed, so why do they let you stay?
You’d stopped crying about it hours ago, but the thoughts still plagued your mind. You lounged on the couch next to Leo watching Space Heroes. The Tv drones on and on, and you can’t pay any attention because of the noise in your head.
Your head layed on the blue masked turtle's shoulder. Trying to find comfort in the small act of affection. Leo’s arm draped over your shoulder lazily. You wished the normally calm scene made you feel better. You wish it made you feel wanted.
The four turtles you’d taken so much pride in being allowed to date. The four men you absolutely adored with all of your heart. A part of you knew that there was a reason you were here. A part of you was aware of how much you were truly loved. However, a bigger, louder part of you screamed that you were unwanted, unloved. You wished you could shut it up. Your partners always showered you with love and you were so angry with yourself. Weren’t they giving you enough? How selfish can you be?
You shifted away from him. Your mind was working you up. Tears you’d been able to push back coming to the forefront now. You excuse yourself quietly and run off to the bathroom where you knew you could take a few seconds to break down. Shutting the door, you slid down to the ground.
Tears poured down your face. You silently cry on the floor and try so hard to calm yourself down. A guilty feeling rises in your chest. They invited you over and all you’re doing is crying in their bathroom pathetically. You hated yourself. You felt terrible and you wanted these feelings to just go away.
A knock sounded through the small room. You quickly wiped your face of all your tears.
“Yes?” You answer, but your voice sounds broken.
“Oh, hi! It’s Mikey hehe if you can’t tell! Leo said you ran out and asked me to check on you!” Mikey yells through the door.
You stand up and open the door with the realest smile you can muster.
“I’m okay, I just needed a breather for a second…” You tell him.
“Well the bathroom’s a terrible place to chill!” Mikey says with a large smile. “C’mon babe it’s much better in my room.” He slings his arm over you before pausing. “Wait a second…” He looks at you closely. “Were you crying in there?”
Your heart skips for a second. “No, no I’m fine Mikey!” You defend quickly.
A look of shock and sadness covers his face. “You were! You were crying! That’s no good c’mon!” Mikey shouts picking you up and running to the main area.
You shout at him. Trying to convince him you’re fine and to put you down. Nothing seemed to phase him as he called all the others to come over.
Mikey finally plopped you on the couch and fell into your side trying to cuddle you close. Raph and Casey walk in looking confused and panicked from Mikey's yelling. Donnie comes in soon as well looking a bit upset at being pulled from his work. You just sat there red faced at the situation. Look what you’ve caused.
“Mikey what the heck?! Why were you yelling?” Raph asks angrily.
“Exactly what happened?” Donnie questions the orange mask wearer too.
“It’s them!” Mikey says. “They were cringing in the bathroom!” He says pouting.
“Is that true?” Leo asks you worriedly.
“I’m fine I just needed a second, it's really not that big a deal.” You say avoiding the eyes on you.
“Listen as dramatic as Mikey can be,” Raph says. “You crying isn’t just fine. What happened?” He asks you coming over to where you and Mikey were sat on the couch.
“Nothing,” You defend. “I’m fine. I swear!” You say holding your hands up.
“Hey, it’s okay to tell us. We’re here for you no matter what.” Donnie says also making his way over to you.
“I’m okay! I’m just having a hard time… I’ll be okay.” You say trying to smile sincerely.
“Darling…” Leo says, reaching for your hand.
“Please don’t.” You say. “I already feel guilty enough. You weren’t even supposed to notice and I screwed that up.”
“Dude, we’re your friends. Well I’m your friend, they’re your boyfriends, but point is we’re supposed to be the people you lean on for support.” Casey speaks up for the first time.
“I just-” You sigh. “I just haven’t been feeling right I guess.”
“Like what you’re feeling sick or…” Raph trails confused.
“Happy… I haven’t really felt happy. And I know, a part of me knows that my mind is just playing tricks on me, but I feel like I’m not good enough for anything… I feel so… so drained and unwanted and I know it’s not true, but I can’t help but think that nobody wants me. Not even myself.” You rant.
Tears fall freely down your face. The men sit in silence for a few seconds all absorbing the information you’ve given.
“I’m so sorry.” You cry out. “It’s not your problem to fix and I don’t want you to think you’re not enough. I love you all so much. Even you Casey, platonically. And I just don’t want you to feel bad just because you have such big hearts and just because I’m sad doesn’t mean you need to be too and, and-”
“Ok, ok. Breathe, honey.” Donnie interrupts you. “Deep breath in.” You follow as he breathes in. “And out…”
“You don’t have to feel bad for being upset.” Leo tells you.
“Yeah!” Mikey agrees. “We love you so much!”
“Everyone gets sad… Maybe it’s different for all of us, but you don’t have to do it alone.” Raph says sweetly.
“See you even got Raphael being soft.” Leo teases.
You can’t help but give a tearful chuckle as Raph defends angrily.
“You’re always there when we’re sad. Why wouldn’t we be there for you?” Mikey asks rubbing his hands over your back.
“I don’t know… Because there isn’t a real reason for mine.” You tell him shyly.
“Of course there is a reason.” Donnie starts. “You told us before you had depression, meaning you have a chemical imbalance in your brain.”
He’s cut off from speaking anymore by Raph. “See, doll, there is a reason, and even if there wasn’t you’re allowed to feel down sometimes.
“You’re too nice to me.” You said a new set of tears trailing your face.
“Listen, dude, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when I say the lizards and I would kill for you. That’s how much we care.” Casey says to you confidently.
“What lizards?” Raph asks Casey quickly.
“Dude, are stupid? I was talking about you guys.” Casey claims, annoyed.
A smile raises across your face and you let out a small laugh.
“Casey. We aren’t lizards.” Leo tells him calmly.
Mikey bursts into laughter at Casey’s confused face.
“Wait. You’re really not lizards?” Casey asks, shocked. “But aren’t you guys reptiles or something?”
“Just because we’re reptiles doesn’t mean we’re lizards. Yes we have more in common then we do with other underwater creatures but that doesn’t make us lizards.” Donnie scolds.
Donnie continues on. Casey begins to argue with him on what the four brothers were considered to be. Mikey laughs loudly at the two and Raph just looks on smirking at their idiocy. Leo leans over rolling his eyes and wraps his arm around you like it had been earlier. You continue to giggle quietly, feeling slightly better than you did earlier.
“Despite how stupid they are,” Leo says smiling. “We all are here for you.” He finishes kissing your temple.
