No love
Hcs on being fwb with the 07!turtles (separately) except they're in love and you're not
Tags: 2007!tmnt x reader, friends with benefits, angst for days, reader is stupidly avoidant, gn!reader, unrequited love, guilttt, no mention of fwb activities but ykwim, not proofread
Raph
Agreeing to be more than friends but less than lovers with Raph is filled with angst. Why wouldn’t it be? Raph is on the possessive side and has an inclination towards keeping you for himself. However, the whole agreement is made before Raph gets too attached. Because of his responsibilities, lack of want of something that would tie him down when he’s busy, and inability to keep consistent contact with a significant other, the two of you agree that what you have is strictly just for the benefits and not something that needs constant maintenance. This way, Raph is more comfortable being half in and half out with his commitment at all times and you, with your equally bad commitment issues, can rest assured that you won’t need to deal with a clingy boyfriend 24/7 and only get the good sides of a relationship.
Raph is likely to start a fwb contract, be completely fine with it for the first couple months, then start to feel the nasty feelings of regret and jealousy creep in around month 5. He lasts longer than you’d think before his feelings catch up. You come to him when you want attention and physical comfort and things you can’t get from a normal friend and he starts to dislike the thought of you being close to anyone else.
He’s confusing, definitely sends a tonnn of mixed signals and gets frustrated when he can’t deal with his own feelings. Never texted you much at the start, but now he sends ‘where are you’s and ‘goodnight, thinking about you’s like a drunk ex and gets bitter and ashamed when you chastise him for not sticking to the rules you agreed to (one of them being not to text like a couple because it grosses you out).
Raph finally understands with time that he needs to sort his shit out and with that comes the understanding that he doesn’t want to be just friends with benefits with you anymore. He’s super intense at the start, but it peters out into longing stares and wistful hugs when you come over.
Little does poor Raph know, you can tell that he’s getting weirdly clingy with you and you don’t like it. You’ve always been the avoidant type, you have trouble with maintaining a moderate level of attachment to someone. There’s always the feeling of latent disgust when it comes to situations where you have to be vulnerable, but you’ve learned over time that you can control your feelings and that distance is the best way to keep things neutral on your end. Avoidance sparks up quick if you’re not careful. Raph’s clinginess makes you want to avoid him, and you very slowly start to ignore his texts and keep the more-than-friendly interactions to a minimum.
Raph lets his actual emotions slip one night on your fire escape…
“Sweetheart, listen,” Raph began before you cut him off.
“Look, I was serious when I told you not to show up. I’ve got shit to do, and my roommate’s home and you just can’t be here right now. I don’t have time for this.”
Raph ducked under the half-open window, shell knocking against the frame as he stepped into your room. You look up at him reluctantly. His face was shadowed, the rim of his shell caught the moonlight and left him with a soft white outline. His soft gaze was on your face. A hint of sadness flickered in his eyes and you wanted to avoid this altogether. “You don’t get it. I just wanna talk. No funny business, just a conversation. You can give me that, right?” Raph sounded almost pleading, but not quite. You ducked your head to break eye contact after a second.
“I already told you,” you started quietly, “I don’t have time.”
Raph frowned, taking another step closer and reaching out to touch your face. Your hand immediately flew up to hold his wrist. The two of you were held in suspense. “You been avoidin’ me.”
“No I haven’t.” You responded defensively. Raph stroked his thumb over your cheek and you pushed his hand away.
“See? You’re avoidin’ me right now. You won’t look me in the face. What, you don’t like what you see? You don’t want this anymore?”
You went to protest, but Raph cut you off. His voice got slightly more heated. “You’ve been doin’ this for weeks. Look at me, why won’t you just-“
“Raph, I need you to leave. We’ll talk later. Please don’t do this right now.”
“I can’t. You won’t respond to my fuckin’ texts.” The red turtle huffed, frowning and looking down as his tone got more frustrated. “You’ve been leavin’ me on read. What’s with that, huh? I just wanted to see you. I seem to recall us agreeing that’s allowed, right?”
“I’ll text later, okay? I will. Why do you have to push it? God.”
“Because I love you.” The sound of a passing car was all that filled the air as Raph looked at you with intent. Your eyebrows pinched together. You felt nauseous. You hadn’t wanted it to come to this. Raph had naively hoped his words you tug somewhere in your heart and get you to feel the same way about him, and he was wrong. Your fatal flaw was once you’d distanced yourself, you couldn’t undo it.
“Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”
Raph sighed. “Why not.” His voice was gravelly, and he took another step forward. You took a step back, looking at him with an expression he couldn’t place, but made his stomach churn uncomfortably. His worst fear had been seeing that look on your face. You steeled your expression, and the only words that left your mouth made Raph regret ever coming over. You didn’t want to hurt him, but you couldn’t give him false hope, either.
“We should end this.”
Raph sucked in a sharp breath. His expression fell and a look of bitter acceptance rolled over it. Without a word, he backed away to the fire escape and left with a single, dejected look back.
Leo
The most likely to get caught up in a fwb situation. His responsibilities as the leader give him little time to put effort into a relationship. But also, Leo’s a coward. He runs and hides from his problems and in a relationship he feels like he’d be no different. However, Leo is also very respectful and doesn’t want to lead anyone on, which leads him to the person he trusts the most when it comes to stuff like this: you. Leo is kind of annoying to decide rules for your arrangement with, because he will butt in and change stuff up and give you minimal opportunities to put your own rules down.
Leo is hot. Sometimes his attitude adds to his appeal. You and Leo find it easy to be friends with benefits, way easier than you expect and it goes on for around a year before your dynamic starts to change. Leo is probably the one that can hold out the longest before catching feelings. Instead of a gradual realisation, Leo is smacked in the face with the fact that he loves you and couldn’t imagine his life without you in it.
You’re unintentionally the best partner he could think of; you support him as a leader, you prefer your own time alone but when you’re with him you fill a hole in his heart with your actions, overall you’re ever present without suffocating him. Leo grows to love this about you and feels like if it’s with you, he could make a relationship work. You, on the other hand, are acting as you usually would with a friend (outside of your private hangouts obvi).
Leo misconstrues everything you do. He takes your affection to be reciprocating his own feelings and doesn’t stop to think that it’s just part of your arrangement as more-than-friends. Once he realises he likes you like that, he feels entitled to your time. He gets pent up and bitter over his own feelings and agonises for a long time over every little action you do. Leo makes the mistake of thinking the feeling’s mutual after he realises he likes you and that’s what undoes your arrangement.
You somehow fixed Leo’s avoidant issues, but what about yours? Things are completely fine until Leo starts getting sappy outside your designated hangout time. Leo is a little corny and wants to be all soft and sweet with you all the time, which throws you off really fast. What’re you meant to feel when he calls you ‘love’ all casual-like in front of his brothers before a mission? You pull away insanely quick. For a while you think you can handle it, that Leo will come to his senses, but it just gets worse with time.
Eventually, you both end up arguing…
You weren’t prepared for Leo to say what he did when he called you down to the lair. You were in the dojo with the doors locked. His brothers were asleep. It was late, and you’d only come down because Leo had begged over text, which was unusual for him even with his behaviour lately. Leo was all over you, hands set on your waist and hot breath mingling with yours as he sat with you. You leaned into the palm of his hand instinctively. He’d been normal so far. It looked like all he’d wanted was someone to be close to tonight. It was one of those rare nights off, the few times Leo was left with his own thoughts and couldn’t channel his energy into meditation or training. Everything was fine until he moved to kiss your cheek. You frowned. Then, your temple. He kissed the tip of your nose, between your eyes, and then over your closed eyelids.
“You’re pretty, know that?”
You didn’t say anything, ducking your gaze as he caressed the nape of your neck and kissed your forehead. He exhaled shakily, nudging your cheek with his snout.
“God, I love you.”
You froze the second you heard the words slip. You internally cursed. Any relief you’d felt at his previous actions dissipated. You had been fooled for a second into thinking everything was fine, that the normal, cocky, teasing Leo had been back, but then he turned into this. His softness scared you. You didn’t know how to handle it. Discomfort shot through you, crawling up your spine and jerking you away from the leader in blue. Leo looked at you in confusion.
“What’d you say?”
Leo’s eyes flickered over your face, brow furrowed.
“I love you. Is that not-“
“Leo, tell me you’re fucking with me.”
“I’m not, I’m being… serious… is there something wrong?” Leo shifted in an attempt to get closer and you backed away again, shuffling until your back hit the wall.
“You do know what we agreed on, right?”
Leo’s gaze suddenly went a little more steely and he seemed to understand what was happening. He looked conflicted, like he couldn’t quite reconcile with what was going on. “Yeah. But you’ve been giving me these signs.”
“No, I haven’t.” You looked at him with a look of what Leo could only describe as fear, like you were afraid you’d accidentally led him on. You had a good heart and had never wanted anything like this to happen, and mentally kicked yourself for not ending your arrangement the second you caught onto Leo’s odd behaviour.
“You’re telling me, what, that it was all in my head?”
“If that’s how you understand it.”
Leo stared at you, a serious, solemn look cast over his features. He bowed his head and you sighed. You needed to leave.
Mikey
Surprisingly least likely to enter a friends with benefits contract. He’s very upfront with his emotions so you’re more likely to actually wind up in a relationship with Mikey than any other kind of dynamic. He’s more boyfriend material than fwb material. However, if he gets caught up in the moment, he might find himself in the most gut wrenching, messed up, emotional situationship of all time. This sweet guy ends up in a more than friends but less than lovers position with you when he crashed at your place after working all day and woke up to you trying to pull the blanket that had fallen off the couch back over him. He ends up being too awkward to mention anything about your relationship after you both establish a fwb situation.
Mikey doesn’t necessarily like confrontation, which is why him not saying anything drags on for a month longer than he wanted it to. He realises he likes you more than he should 4 months in, and spends a month trying to figure out the best way to bring it up without messing up the dynamic you have.
You care about Mikey with your whole heart, and getting into the agreement was a spur of the moment thing after he’d pulled you in to kiss him that night on your couch. You always get caught up in the adrenaline rush you get with Mikey, but you know full well your feelings aren’t romantic. Mikey is funny and makes you smile, but you don’t think about anything more. Your obliviousness is what becomes you guys’ downfall.
Mikey tries to devise all kinds of plans on how to bring it up, and Leo has walked in on the orange turtle pacing back and forth muttering to himself about it before. Mikey doesn’t want you to abandon your friendship entirely and is stuck in a sort of decision paralysis about it.
You only notice Mikey’s change in attitude towards you when he starts acting sheepish. He tries hard to act normal, but that ends up being what gives him away. You don’t recognise that he’s being weird with you because he likes you, but when he starts casually bringing up hypothetical situations and spending more time actually lost in thought when he’s with you instead of being as carefree as he usually is, you start to suspect something.
You try to convince yourself it’s nothing and that Mikey’s just done something and is scared to tell you in case you get mad (which isn’t far off) but that leads you nowhere. Mikey’s sudden awkwardness makes you feel awkward and you begin to distance yourself before you know it. You’re a contradictory person, and showing affection was fine till now because you didn’t believe there was anything between you. The second stuff starts to get for reals, you flee.
You hang out with him in the van one evening and Mikey finally cracks…
You lounged on the passenger seat of the van, leaning against the door with your back against the window and your eyes on Mikey. Mikey was in the same position, leaning against the driver-side door and looking right back at you. You’d seen that almost bashful, playful expression a thousand times and it lessened the feeling of unease that had been churning in your stomach for a while.
“What?”
“I’m just lookin’. Got a problem?”
You snort, shaking your head as Mikey’s foot nudges your knee. “Nope. What’re we doing, though? I’m assuming you had an agenda for after you drove us back.”
The two of you had been on a late night drive. Snacks, movie in the back of the van and music on the radio. Mikey had parked down the usual alley by your apartment once the evening was over, window wipers swaying back and forth on the van’s window to swipe away the pouring rain. In retrospect, that should’ve been an indicator that thing’s weren’t going to go the way Mikey wanted. Pathetic fallacy or something.
“Uhhh, about that.” Mikey shrugged. “I have no clue, dude. Actually... Oh, ooh, I just remembered, I forgot to ask how your interview went! Yeah, let’s go with that.” He waved his hand with a flourish, indicating you should speak. You grinned, leaning an elbow against the dashboard as you launched into the story. You’d messaged Mikey a week ago about the interview and the orange turtle had somehow remembered. That, if anything, should've been a bigger indicator. You got more energetic as you explained all the details the fancy office building had, the ridiculous number of plants the interviewer had in her office, and the annoying forms you had to fill. Mikey exhaled, worry leaving his mind as he watched you talk and sketch out shapes in the air with your hands. The awkwardness left his mind completely. He had a loving look in his eyes as he looked at you. When you took a second to laugh at the absurdity of your interview and how you were better off applying somewhere else, Mikey sighed dreamily.
“I love you.”
It felt like all your blood was drained out of your body. Your stomach twisted violently and you dropped your gaze.
“Are you serious?”
Mikey seemed to realise what he’d said, and considered backtracking, but knew it was all or nothing now. “I- well- yeah. I mean it. I like you. Like-like you. Love you. It’s whatever.”
“No, it isn’t. This wasn’t meant to-“ You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in confusion and frustration. You hoped this would never happen. You refused to look up, not wanting to see Mikey’s expression slowly but surely turn into one of anxiety. His smile had dropped. You felt discomfort and guilt flush through your system.
“What?”
“I can’t, Mikey. We can’t. I’m gonna go, ‘kay? I’m gonna go.” With that you turned and pulled on the door handle, shouldering your bag and slamming the door shut behind you. Mikey was left to watch your figure turn into a blur in the rain, heart shattered.
Donnie
He has no idea how he got into this situation, but he’s taking it. As the mediator of his brothers, Donnie is very in tune with his emotions so you wouldn’t expect him to get swayed that quickly. Statistically, he knows that fwb arrangements usually end with one or both parties falling for the other and all kinds of drama that he is nottt about to deal with, but one look at your face and he can’t help himself.
Falls for you embarrassingly quick. It’s ridiculous how quickly he realises he’s in love with you (though that may be because he’s not as emotionally constipated as his brothers). It takes this fella 2 months to figure his shit out and he does a better job of hiding it from you at the start.
Donnie is Donnie though, and he can only handle so much without letting something slip. He starts feeling guilty and then shy and awkward and a number of other feelings he’s not prepared for. He can’t calculate the outcome if he does confess to you and he’s straight up terrified of variables he can’t control. If he thinks there’s even a minute chance of this messing up your friendship or starting drama among the team he won’t confess. But he’s emotionally mature enough to know that he can’t avoid his troubles and give up forever; he does try to throw himself into work for a while, but to no avail.
You also start to figure it out when Donnie figures his own feelings out. You didn’t notice a thing at first and you had no problem being touchy and affectionate with him, but the second his gaze got a little too soft and he got a little too touchy in front of the others you knew something was up.
You don’t want to distance yourself, but Donnie of all people feeling something for you freaks you out because you don’t want this to go wrong. You don’t like him the way you suspect he likes you and you had gone into this on the assumption that Donnie would be more proficient with controlling his own emotions. Clearly not. You have to lie to yourself and tell yourself you’re just imagining things for you to be able to keep up your arrangement.
Donnie stalks your every move. He knows he’s being weird and acting out, and the fact that he’s monitoring you tells him his feelings are deeper than he’d suspected, but he can’t stop himself. He assesses your typing speed, the frequency of emojis you use in each text thread, how dilated your pupils get when you’re alone with him, your heartbeat when you both hang out, the inflection in your voice, how often you contact him first and anything else he can, all to try to get the best possible assessment of whether you like him back or not.
You’re in the lab with him when he finally confirms your fears…
You sat in Donnie’s lap, back flush with his plastron as you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. The purple turtle had pulled you onto his lap the second he locked the lab door and had you alone. His forearm was strapped around your middle. He wasn’t usually so decisive with his actions, but tonight it looked like he was stressed and decided he needed the physical contact. You heard his heavy sigh and turned your head as best you could.
“Don? Need help?”
Donnie hummed lowly as though considering your offer, before nodding. He kissed the junction where your shoulder met your neck and you shivered at the unexpected contact. He let you slip off his lap, standing up himself to stretch his legs and sort through his schematics. He handed you a screwdriver and dragged over a stool for you to sit on. He sat back down on his own chair, facing you and holding the piece of tech he was working on between his knees to hold it steady. You sat down on the stool, facing him expectantly.
“I just need you to unscrew that screw there. My hands keep bumping the opening. I think yours should be able to reach...”
“Gotcha. This one?”
“Yeah. It’s fiddly.”
Donnie watched your face morph into one of intense focus as you found the minuscule screw Donnie had been referring to and the way your other hand brushed his as you stabilised yourself and angled the screwdriver. Your lashes cast shadows on your cheeks and he found himself lost in the moment. He didn’t mean to whisper his feelings the way he did, but regardless, as he looked at you, he couldn’t stop himself.
“I love you.”
You paused. Your hand knocked the sharp corner of the opening in the machine Donnie was holding still and you hissed, retracting your hand and dropping the screwdriver with a clatter to the floor. Your hand stung and you suddenly felt sick. “What’re you saying? Fuck, Donnie, don’t do this to me right now.”
Donnie immediately tried to backtrack. “I- I wasn’t- I didn’t mean to say that. Well, I did, I do mean it, but I wasn’t planning on telling you like that. Is your hand hurt? I’m sorry, let me see, please.“
You pulled your hand away from his outstretched one and abruptly stood up. Donnie faltered. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. You gave him a look that squeezed the muscle of his heart and dropped it down into his stomach.
“Are you insane? We agreed no feelings. No feelings, Donnie! What happened to ‘I don’t like you like that’?”
Donnie stared at you. He was starting to grasp the gravity of the error he’d just made. Your tone was full of stress, it was evident you were freaking out over his words. You had been under the impression you could trust him not to pull anything like this when you agreed on being friends with benefits, but it looked like that wasn’t happening. You hated hurting feelings. With one last look at Donnie and a shake of your head, you turned and marched out of the lab.
A/N Lil angst to get you through the week. The 15-something-k Bay Donnie fic is so close to being done and I'm lowkey procrastinating everything else while I finish that one but here's this! Taglist: @symbiosae
