Rapture of the deep
The very awareness of there being a difference is mind piercingly painful. Everyone doesn’t understand that memories and shit that I’m missing doesn’t just come back over an allotted amount of time I literally have been going over every scenario since becoming coherent to remember small little things. Stimulation of my surrounding environment sucks too. I just feel like I definitely don’t fit in now and not even for just being weird, I’m broken. The inability to notice such things in real time verses due to familiarity of repetition hurts too. I’m only a month out and I wish I could just stop dead in my tracks and scream at the top of my lungs, all the time. I’m in pain constantly and so are my loved ones. Legitimately feel hopeless and helpless in every shape, way, and form. All this emotional bullshit is getting old too. There are definitely parts of me that wish I never woke back up in the hospital a month ago.
