#raqi writing

[raqi-marr]

do you ever wonder how do straights manage to have a child "by accident"? like, presuming we're in any phase of history where it is understood that a man needs to ejaculate into a woman's vagina to get her pregnant, then, have they not considered just... not doing that? like, you'd think it'd be pretty easy to just not do that, right?

and before you go "nooooooo muh sex drive you can't expect people to just not fuck", that is not what i am saying. here is a brief list of alternative ways you can make penis ejaculate without vaginal involvement:

thighs

ass

hand (#1 most accessible)

armpit

mouth (also very popular!!!)

whenever i think about this im lead to conclude that straight people must just kind of be phenomenally stupid. like, how do you end up with more kids than you know how to feed. literally just put your dick somewhere other than her pussy. it's that fucking simple. you don't even need to not "have sex" you just need to have a definition of sex that is inclusive of things other than piv. how are straight people like this

[raqi-marr]

i have an idea that i'm still workshopping. if you are like me trying to run a household efficiently, the biggest hurdle i run into (genuinely, more than money in some cases!) is a lack of expertise. money can solve most of one's problems it's true, but the reason i'm *not* broke is that, one of the skills i've spent the most time honing is getting shit for free. piracy was the starting point for that, stealing rocks from peoples' gardens was the natural escalation, and importing @anzu-marr-first-floret to be my unpaid maid was my greatest work yet

but, i simply do not know, for example, how to do plastering. the walls in the Marr family house are uh... yeah hold on let me get a picture

yeah its not great.

now the thing with plastering is that, it's mostly a mechanical skill i think; like i mean, you look up how to do it, read some guides watch some tutorials, but then you're gonna fuck up the first like 100 times you do it because it has a steep dexterity curve. *that* kind of skill is actually not the sort of thing that's a huge problem; i'm planning on making anzu practise in the garage first because who cares if the walls there turn out a bit shitty, then once she's done that we can tackle the actual in-house walls

but something that is very high on the list that i don't know how to do and don't think i could very easily just google is how to actually *make* estrogen. at least for me, one of my most desired goals is to be able to produce HRT for the polycule fully without the need for outside suppliers, except presumably for whatever the base reagents are. the problem with this is, i have exactly zero education in chemistry and so i do not think i could google effectively enough to learn the entire process for making HRT from raws to the lab to vials (im still wondering as i write this how estrogen raws are actually produced, why does china and south america have so many of them??)

anyway my point is, there are a distinct number of kinda like, skilled expertise things like this and as one person, you are never gonna know all of them. i have gone quite far out of my way to try and make friends with people who know shit about, for example, chemistry so as to solve problems like this (that friendship didn't last long enough for me to ask them the secrets of E raws unfortunately), but again, professional chemists are hard to find in the wild

the idea i referenced in paragraph 1 is: i have been thinking for a while about the idea of creating a discord that i would use exclusively for the purpose of putting out requests for help with stuff. let me give an example:

i have vagueposted recently about the civil war that i won with my parents, in which the spoils of victory included one entire garage. this is what it looked like when i got it

and, most importantly, this is what a solid 90% of the tools and other items in said garage looked like when i sorted through them:

it was not good, people.

so i had to throw virtually everything in the garage out, and then buy replacements for it. thing is, i didn't know what a solid 9/10ths of that shit was or what it did. i didn't replace any of the stuff that i didn't know what it was or thought that i wouldn't need it, but even for the stuff i *did* know what it was, i am not a DIY person. i kinda just went on reddit and looked for recommendations on shit like mitre saws for example when deciding which one to get (the original family mitre saw still worked but my father got to take it away as part of the peace deal) and as a result, i have no idea beyond the opinions of redditors if A) i would have been better off with a different type of saw, B) the saw i got was actually a good one, C) if i would have been fine with a cheaper one

i spent about £2,500 on tools all in all refurbing the garage, and honestly, i would not be surprised if i only really needed to spend like half of that. so in a hypothetical alternate timeline where the Marr Dynasty Server:tm: existed, i would have done an @ everyone ping going "my loyal advisors. we have successfully unseated the previous dynasty. now what the fuck do i buy to replace this piece of shit (and also what is this, this, this, this, and this other piece of shit)"

i am not sure if the time is quite yet right to create such a server; in large part because, i have no idea if anyone would actually join it. like, i've never heard of anyone else running something like this: i think it's something that could plausibly also be orchestrated just through tumblr posts? the main issue would be that they're not great for going into depth though, so like, if i wanted to update my post with more details i'd have to keep reblogging it and i think that would get cumbersome. that's the main reason i do think some form of server would be necessary to host all the discussions

but yeah i just, i don't know: is this a thing people would be interested in? does the idea of a server that exists purely for sharing expertise at the request of some random tumblr poster sound appealing?

would you participate in this sort of a server?

yes, to share shit

yes, but primarily just to lurk in case there's something of use to me

no, just doesn't sound interesting

no, but because i don't feel like i'd have anything to share

Voting ended onJun 23

(fuck this gay ass website for not letting me put a second poll into this post)

in theory, i do think that there would be a *lot* of good in having some sort of broadly-trans knowledge sharing discord. the issue of vetting information seems obvious, but honestly, i feel like it can be handwaved with the assumption that trans people have a lot more implied kinship than cissies or straights do, so we're only going to accidentally mislead each other rather than purposefully

but yeah, imagining potential scope expansions for the project is very premature given i have no idea if anyone is interested in this concept at all. Send Post

[raqi-marr]

its very funny to me that there is no way to not sound like a shithead when trying to say to people the equivalent of "ok sex is very good, but have you considered empire building?"

its like. if you have that grand strategy game brain you are just Like This. youre just like this. there is no point in apologising for it, but you also can't really not be like that either. what i mean is that, i personally think that romance is great and most definitely the main thing life has going for it (im ace so idgaf about sex, but presuming one was not then, yeah whatever), but you see, i have lived to acquire two partners and relatively happy lives with them. and what they don't tell you in the 19023825 tumblr yearning posts is that, when you *do* finally get swept up by an affini or get your very own hound to handle, the story doesn't actually end there. you have to continue living and Do Things with that person

and horrifyingly, even for the most sapphic among us, making out can only constitute like 1/8th or so of your time awake, probably (admittedly maybe more if you don't have a chronic fatigue condition, i would not know.) so for as good as having bitches is, it does not give you a big flashing victory screen saying "You Won At Life", y'know? that's kinda what i'm saying here

so once you have your partner(s), you gotta figure out something more to do. and i think that's naturally the point where my brain starts going "chat we gotta found a dynasty. we need to find a way to make succession systems work without actual biological reproduction. can you imagine some sort of transgender elective monarchy. it'd be so good" idgaf about monarchies to be clear i am no monarchist; what i'm talking about is The Logistics, The Planning, The Scheming. all us trans mfs got adhd, we crave the Big Stimulation:tm:, and i swear to you this: there is nothing more stimulating than trying to figure out how to (metaphorically) conquer the world

anyway, somebody else already said it better:

in conclusion, i am not asking you not to thirstpost about hot transgender women, i am simply asking you to expand your horizons; to remember that sex is not the end point of relationships. what im saying is: where the fuck are my hornyposts about two bitches sitting down trying to figure out an efficient way to maintain stores of their DIY'ed HRT in spite of dwindling availability and increased hurdles to obtaining cryptos required to make the purchases. and if you really want they can suck each other off while discussing it sure whatever but you see what im getting at right

the end point of relationships is not sex, it is kingdom making

[raqi-marr]

ok, so, like: i am in a (by this website's standards) unusual position of being a tgirl with an actual family, and like, a life. i don't have a job, but i do have Shit To Do, in a way that i think a solid 95% of terminally online tgirl Posters do not. i say this not as an insult but as a point of comparison: when i started this blog in october '24, i had no life and so was principally interested - like most other tgirls on here - in Posting and engaging in esoteric discourse

but, because i am the head of a 5~ person polycule now (the tilde is to indicate that it is complicated), even without a job, i am just way too busy to commit the kind of time to Posting that i could two years ago. like, here's an example of the kind of shit i am occupied with nowadays:

my sweetheart @anzu-marr-first-floret is still in the process of doing up her room. she comes to me every couple of days and asks if she can get some new crafting material off of amazon or etsy, and i'm like sure sweetheart, let's look together.

beyond just buying her the shit, i have to keep an eye on her projects and make sure she isn't using her table as a step ladder or attempting to DIY a clothes rack out of an unused shower rail which is hanging precariously above her £1,000 hand-me-down laptop

for annabelle, i must make sure that the Kitten Subjugator is up-to-date at all times

i have to communicate with anna's metamour on a fairly frequent basis because we are planning moving together within the next 4~ years and that's going to involve Mortgages and Visas and A Lot Of Fucking Money

my house has two gardens and they will revert into wilderness if not kept in check (they are not grass lawns they are basically bird reserves, but that requires *not* letting them revert into just, whatever the fuck grows naturally)

i just finished a civil war with my parents for control of the garage so that i can turn it into a workshop so that we can harry enfield doin up the house

there is so fucking much medication to make sure we never run out of

i could keep going for so long here, but you get the point.

basically, what this has me wondering is like: what is the kinda "generational trajectory" for tgirls? my do you plan to die quiz revealed that around 40% of tgirls have no real plan and very little hope for the future, while 35%~ were kinda making it, and only around 17.5% actually had anything good going on for them.

i think that, when you are in your twenties and maybe early thirties, it is kinda manageable to be a washed out tgirl with no idea what you are doing with your life just yet. i have a suspicion, though, that that rapidly stops working by your mid thirties and probably doesn't work at all by the time you turn 40; just based on the fact that, i don't see the kinda "directionless" queers all over this site ever putting ages above around mid 30s in their bio, and most are in their 20s.

my current theory is that, for people in as difficult of an intersection as us (autistic trans lesbian probably disabled), there are kind of only really two outcomes life trajectory-wise: you either are thriving and in some sort of at-the-very-least stable arrangement by the time you turn 40, or you're dead.

this differs from people outside of this demographic in the sense that, it is just much easier for anyone not in it to kinda potter their way through life and just, i dunno, work some middle management position at tesco until you're 50. this kinda "cruise through life" option is simply not available for tgirls

ive been thinking a lot about this lately. my suspicion is that, within a decade, most of the current Posters in trans tumblr spaces will either be dead or have evolved into family mfs like me; or some other kind of poly alternative

i suspect that, for the trans people who do actually survive, it is plausible there will be some similarities to the way that the OG youtubers and streamers - im talking about ones like markiplier, pewdiepie, and hasan (for his great accomplishment of being a twitch streamer and managing to get *banned from a country*, which implies you got noticed by its fucking government) - who used to be just random internet people are now like, capital-P People. markiplier has his own fucking movie; that is the sort of thing that just, would not have been imaginable 10 years ago

im referring specifically to the phenomenon of "funny internet people" kinda evolving into people with actual power/authority/resources/influence after enough time passes. its obviously going to be much harder for tgirls given that the world hates us, and i do not think we will ever get Tgirl Markiplier; but what i do suspect will happen instead is, most plausibly, we could feasibly get a generation of pretty adept tgirl criminals. like, if there is anything that i think people who survive and eke out a life in this demographic are going to get really fucking good at, it's breaking the law.

i think in 20 years, a staggering portion of drug dealers and manufacturers are going to be trans girls (there is no shortage of tgirls with chemistry degrees.) like half the world's famous hackers are already tgirls, they have that portion of the criminal market cornered. it seems very likely to me that, given enough time, we will get really sophisticated shit like underground mutual aid networks and HRT cooking/distribution services established? tgirl organised crime, basically, but probably everyone is fucking everyone else and it's less leaky (tgirls hate cops a lot more than straights ever did)

i do not think the current culture of tumblr trans spaces can survive. i do not think we can possibly be discoursing about "is human domestication guide evil and imperialist" 20 years from now: anyone who had nothing better to do that is gonna have died, and the ones who survived will have more important things to do than focus on that. the issue of leftist purity testing culture is gonna solve itself because so many of us will have gotten culled, i suspect, that the remainder will know better than to waste time like that

in case anyone is wondering "why would tgirls specifically get good at crimes"; most aspects of our lives either are already illegal or are getting illegalised. openly trans presentation? illegal in turkey, going that way in some places. HRT? unavailable in all sorts of places, may eventually start being actually illegal. recreational drugs? illegal in most places. gay sex? illegal in a fair few places, or culturally punishable. gay marriage? lol. immigration? yeah good luck doing that as a tgirl. getting a job? the same. sex work? either dubiously legal or fully illegal; and yet it's probably the #1 source of income for trans girls

its so fuckin funny to conclude this way, but i think as time advances, we will become a demographic increasingly associated with criminal expertise and both a willingness and ability to exist outside of the bounds of the law. and honestly, for as miserable as that is and how horrific the circumstances that lead to it, it is pretty fucking dope

[raqi-marr]

im genuinely asking, what the fuck is going on with ikea

so what feels like 98% of the human population is getting their furniture there, right. once upon a time that made sense: pretty much every piece of furniture in my house except like 2 that are from charity shops came from ikea. my bunk bed, which is like 15 years old now, came from ikea and that thing is borderline indestructible. notably, all of the stuff im talking about was also made of real wood: not plyboard or the weird shitty stuff they paint to make look like real wood but you can just tell it's thin and crappy if you ever see an unpainted section

i was just talking to my mother about how modern ikea furniture is so shit compared to the stuff we have, and she thought they must still sell our stuff. i went to check their catalogue and they don't. not one piece of the 'actual wood' stuff we have is still sold on there. instead, you can pay £550 for a bland white set of 8 drawers that don't even have handles, or £300 for an unpainted bedside table that *might* be made of real wood

of course they still have the Gets The Job Done options; you can get the white 6 drawer thing made out of plywood for £99. but like. its so fucking ugly though. and also it will not last through any amount of abuse and will just degrade over any intense usage because it isnt real wood, its plyboard

my main question is: why do they not even sell real wood shit any more???

[raqi-marr]

fuckin around with a new hypnokink setting based on "what if capitalism threw all of its money at developing realistic mind control methods". this is just the intro paragraph

The year is 2126. Rather than improving itself, capitalism has doubled down upon its worst excesses. Atrocious working conditions, which once threatened to spark a worldwide revolution that could have perhaps toppled the system, have been rendered non-problematic through the development of advanced employee management systems; referred to generally as Individual Control Mechanisms (ICMs for short.) ICMs are employed at all levels of industry and commerce, from the desks of retail workers and small business owners all the way up to megacorps and government institutions. The purpose of ICMs are simple: to change a human being to suit their environment.

The development of ICMs began in around the year 2040, when the company Exodium Biotech made a breakthrough development that allowed the creation of concentrated neuroplasticity compounds. At first, these compounds were marketed for use in therapy as a replacement for psilocybin-assisted therapy, and proved to be highly successful. It was not long however until companies realised that the ability to directly influence human's brains had a much wider range of applications. Neuroplasticity compounds were quickly banned for use in food, drinks, and medicine without disclosure, but scandals continued to crop up for decades to come of fast food companies slipping them into their meals to make their customers more suggestible to advertising.

This was only the beginning, however. Seeing the possibility in neuroplasticity compounds, companies began performing extensive research into other ways to more precisely manipulate and control humans. Exodium Biotech once again lead the way in the field with their second revolutionary development, which came in the form of an enhanced SSRI-type anti-anxiety and antidepressant medication several orders of magnitude more powerful than leading alternatives at the time. This medication, which eventually came to be known as 'Cloud', proved immensely effective in reducing discontentment among retail workers and those with factory-line jobs. This solidified to companies worldwide that the most profitable way to reduce complaints was not to change their environments, but to change the people working in them.

In the following decades, further improvements were made in the adjacent field of light & sound machines, as well as external cranial electrostimulation. Combined, these lead to the creation of so-called "Relaxation Masks" which, when worn for 30-minute-long sessions routinely throughout the week, were proven to substantially reduce the symptoms of depression, and could be utilised in-the-moment to treat anxiety attacks. The holy grail of ICMs came in 2089 when Neuralink produced a brain-chip capable of directly modulating human stress responses; able to stimulate the part of the brain that produced serotonin to counteract high levels of cortisol in the bloodstream when they were detected.

In spite of numerous warnings from ethics watchdogs, ICMs became more and more popular as time progressed, and attempts to legislate against them were consistently defeated by the determined attempts of company lobbying. In many cases, it was revealed after-the-fact that said companies covertly utilised ICMs to influence politicians, but this proved difficult to prosecute on account of the lack of any laws criminalising such behaviour; and this too would eventually become commonplace within the political landscape of the 22nd century.

As ICMs continued to spiral out of control, workplace protections regarding the length of workdays and the amenities required to be made available to employees sequentially began being removed, as they were deemed by corporations to be "no longer required" now that there were alternate means of guaranteeing worker satisfaction. In the present day, a mere 40 hour work-week is now considered part-time; as many individuals will sell off their body to be used as a remotely-piloted factory automaton at nights while their brains sleep. To cope with these ever-worsening conditions, companies have begun offering reduced-price neurological surgeries to their employees, to allow for bespoke reward-incentive rewiring keyed to the nature of the work they are performing. Workers in the hospitality industry, for example, can have new connections established in their brain to promote dopamine release when they perceive themselves as having done well at satisfying a client. Side-effects, including but not limited to the opposite occurring should they perceive themselves as having disappointed one, are rarely mentioned in brochures for such procedures.

A new saying has been born to refer to this state of affairs: "In this world, it's control or be controlled."

------------------------------------------------

this was very inspired by the lancer core rulebook opening. anyway yeah this is just an extremely extremely early concept thing i whipped up in 20 minutes of writing: the follow-up is probably gonna be about how people who aren't completely pacified by ICMs go about living in this world

[raqi-marr]

at last, i return. the powers that be attempted to silence me by causing simultaneous disk failure in both my SSD and my hard drive. somehow. i seriously have no idea how the fuck that is even possible-

but regardless, they failed. i am here. i have survived, with my files intact, and i have now moved to a stronger and more powerful operating system, which will hopefully not fucking do this again

[raqi-marr]

NO what the FUCK i was in the process of vetting this guy who i was fairly sure was a scammer on etsy, if he was a real person i was gonna ask him to make me a box, but his storefront is fucking GONE now. i dont mean "X is not currently selling on etsy" i mean his store is straight up fucking 404ing this guy no longer EXISTS

i think i may have given him a crisis of conscience by being too nice to him and giving him advice on how not to look like a scammer and he maybe decided he couldn't continue trying to scam me :(