#rar2014

[nadaworld]

RIP Chester we had the chance to portrait you and we fell in love #chesterbennigton #rar2014

[soundtheblackdrums]

Can't handle the awesome :')

\m/

[kayatee]

Volume up and everyone else on mute for the next 53m09s. Enjoy #klangkarussell !

[esmay-e]

She Doesn’t Fear the Reaper

Rock am Ring had great ups and downs. The first day was pretty cool, watching Falling in Reverse and Pennywise. The atmosphere was great, my man and I were having a great time and it all felt like I’ve Got Rhythm, as sang by Ella Fitzgerald. That was, until The Offspring entered the stage. Now I do not mean to offend anyone, but they look and play like a bunch of indolent, ignorant baboons. Unfortunately, the crowd went wild and everyone at the bars (including me) got hell. I'm pretty used to being pushed around, but not to the point where I got muscle spasms and had to be helped putting on my sweater. Luckily, my man knew this was wrong-o and I got dragged out of the crowd, straight to the first aid, where I was having a pretty bad seizure. I had to be sent away to the hospital by ambulance, but in the end, I chose to watch Iron Maiden from backstage. Best. Seizure. Ever.

The Friday wasn’t all that, but Saturday, I went through the same hellfire again. Having great fun in the sun at Powerman 5000 and hitting on the cute lead singer, I almost collapsed and had to go see the paramedics again. I was completely exhausted, but was also dying to see Linkin Park that night. It’s a funny choice of words I purposely use right now, because when I asked what could cause the seizures, I was not only told that it may have been photosensitive epilepsy, but also that it could be caused by a brain tumor. Striking detail: cancer runs my family like chicken pox in a kindergarten. Once again, after almost drowning, almost dashing off a cliff, almost chocking due to allergies and a coin down my throat, almost being ejected through the car window and almost freezing to death, the Grim Reaper was knocking on my door again, asking me for one other play date. You bet that I was miserable that night, but at least I was with misery’s favorite company: Chester Bennington. Though they played a solid show, it wasn’t as fun as always, worrying about that it might’ve been my last. Still, it felt great to spend it with the right people. It felt like the guys were there to comfort me.

Sunday was my day, just don’t ask me why. The weather was great, the atmosphere was relaxed and the last night had gotten me a boost like I was a brand new Jigsaw survivor. Crazy Town turned out to be a hilarious disappointment and I couldn’t help myself ironically fangirling all over them. Their new music is fine, but their show was hilarious. I guess I'm too old for that shit after all. Afterwards, we got to have a snack and a drink, before returning to the bars. I dared giving up my spot in the front, so yeah, that was enough said. Quicksand would play during Avenged Sevenfold and Metallica, of which I do not like the first and the second’s light show would be too much for me to handle. We got up to the front during Against Me! and my dear Lord, that lead singer… she’s an eye-catcher for sure! My man saw her for a dude, but the turned out to be a transgender person. It didn’t bother me when I found out, quite the contrary: we had flirted a little, but that wasn’t spoiled by the fact that she was born with a penis. In my eyes, that makes her even more special; more desirable. What a beauty queen…

Enough about them, for I'm getting closer to the clue of my story and like I promised, it’s going to have a happy ending. And for the damn homophobes among you guys: it does not feature that hot lady singer, unfortunately, haha. Just kidding. I had never seen Quicksand before, but since I'm a huge Deftones fan, I got interested via Sergio Vega, their bass player. He was originally with Quicksand, but as far as I knew, they must’ve broken up before Sergio started playing when Chi had his car accident. (R.I.P., dear brother. You are missed.) Anyways, I expected them to have roadies, but the members came up and did their own roadie work themselves. As if it was meant to be, Sergio came on stage right before me, gave me a quick glance and smiled: ‘Hey, I know you!’ He went on about seeing me after gigs and I was delighted about finally getting recognized, being noticed.

There is something I owe him my sincerest gratitude for, besides giving me such wonderful times with Deftones and now also Quicksand. It was the coldest weekend in February, as Deftones were doing a gig in Paris’ working ladies’ district and I didn’t read the minus before the ’10 degrees Celsius’. I dressed up to impress Chino, which means: perfectly enough fabric to keep me warm during a hot summer. Those two shows, a lot happened, but I turned out to change plans and go for Sergio instead. Two days and two stone cold nights, I had been out in the freezing snow, waiting for him to come out. Yes, I am crazy and known for taking fandom quite seriously. In the end, he showed up when my legs had turned blue ages ago and not only my stomach was feeling warm and tingly. The poor man must’ve thought I was drunk, because the hypothermia got me so bad. He saved my life by simply showing up and sharing his warmth, which I told him after the show, as he had gotten the little angel I bought him in town. For this, I must give all credit to both my partner and drummer Alan, also the festival security and the helpful photographer, who helped me getting there. Thank you so much, everyone, because this was the best festival experience I have ever had.

Now I told Sergio about the paramedics’ suspicion of photosensitive epilepsy and he turned out to actually suffer from it. I hate to say it, but I still think our health issues have brought us closer together. I do not know whether it’s mutual, but I see him as my friend right now. To me, that’s a very special title, also since it’s been four years since I've had someone to call a friend. Friendship is a lot like love: you have no clue why you like someone and sure, you cannot describe the feeling either, but you do hope that the other person at least knows that you feel this way. I'm not a poet and nor do I know enough fancy words to elaborate about this theme, but all I can say is that I am happy being remembered and that I would love to do things friends do with him, if he feels the same about me. And if not: why ruin the joy I found in this tiny moment? The day before, I had faced death, but the next, a wish came true. I’ve been through a swamp of shit lately, but it’s always nice to know that someone’s got something to cheer you up. Like tickets to Linkin Park at the Ziggo Dome, or the hope for a Deftones tour for their new album. Whatever happens to you, moments like these are the sugar in your bowl of cereal.

And after all, I turned out to be physically fine; it was certainly nothing neurological and I have recovered quite well. I got to stay in school and plan for the future, possibly live together with my partner and look out for a couple of awesome tours. Sure, I'm still dredging my way through that swamp of shit, but when you know the stench of raw sewage, roses will smell even better.

  -Esmay

[deep-abidinglove]

can we please talk about mike shinoda