how did i forget about this what the fuck
”you have no clue what i endure, what i must suffer through. my flippancy and folly is not to be trifled with, they mask me with a sheet that cannot be removed by anyone. i have been seated on this thorny throne for far too long, promised a joy that never came, instead given a twisted peace and deep rooted pain. the silence that is so graciously offered to me, in kind regards and intent, only brings me a terrible panic that trembles through my bones and causes an unnoticeable rupture of a carefully crafted facade of perfection and indifference. i have spent the past six years memorising the manners and ways of those around me, hoping to one day blend in without the nagging feeling of displacement, i am unsure how i will ever return to some semblance of normalcy. that twisted peace only came twice, that terrible day and the day i almost died. i lie in my sorrow and soak in the tears that flow freely in the dark of the night, the taste of pill and the smell of salt forever stain my senses, leaving me desperate for an end that will not present itself to me.”
