Aug 23, 2025
Mayor Gutz announces and approves the new Raw Town National Anthem
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Mayor Gutz announces and approves the new Raw Town National Anthem
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RAW FICTION: STORIES FROM THE EDGES OF RAWTOWN
“This Is Just How Warzi Is”
Warzi doesn’t sleep.
Not because she’s a night owl. Not because she’s anxious. She just refuses to do what the universe expects.
And sleep is one of those things.
She lives in Grime Heights, on l Floor 3½.
There is no Floor 3½.
Which is exactly why she lives there.
Perfect.
Warzi’s flat is a combination of:
Unwashed sketchbooks
A kettle that hisses in French
A black cat named Glue
Glue only likes three things:
Tuna, strangers who don’t try to pet him, and licking condensation off lightbulbs.
They are soulmates.
Warzi’s day starts at 5PM.
She brews tea using a method she insists is “politically correct.”
She then watches the sunset and tells it to “do better next time.”
Glue sits on the windowsill judging all of Rawtown.
Warzi joins him.
She doesn’t go to work because no one has ever successfully hired her.
Instead, she goes “walking.”
When Heather asked her what that meant, Warzi replied:
“I pick a mood and follow it until it turns into a destination.”
Heather, being Heather, tried to plot this on a map once. The map caught fire.
Warzi's hobbies include:
• Drawing things no one asked for
• Rearranging the street furniture in Stitch District
• Writing fake Authority memos and leaving them in vending machines
• Staring at lamp posts like they owe her money
Everyone in Grime Heights has a theory about her.
“She’s a lost philosopher.”
“She’s undercover but doesn’t know it.”
“She’s actually four raccoons in a hoodie.”
None are correct.
Even Warzi doesn’t know the truth, and she thinks that’s hilarious.
Her weirdest friendship is with Heather.
They bonded over mutual distrust in everything.
Heather is precise, technical, controlled. Warzi once sent her a drawing of a toaster having an existential crisis.
Heather framed it.
They sometimes meet at RTL Station 9½ — another place that "doesn’t exist."
They sit on a bench and discuss politics using metaphors involving soup.
RTBSTV EXCLUSIVE: SABRINA EXPLAINS THE MASK MOMENT AND MELTS RAWTOWN'S HEARTS
Interview by: JAY-JAY, RTBSTV’s overly-emotional backstage reporter who may or may not have cried into a churro.
JAY-JAY: Sabrina. You just headlined the festival, and I’m sorry but... what the hell happened during “Everyone Here Is Hiding”? The entire crowd put on masks. Like, thousands. Instantly. Was that planned?
SABRINA (smiling, eyes soft like a lullaby): “Oh wow… that moment… it wasn’t really planned. I just… asked them to. And they did. I think everyone understood what that song meant without me needing to explain it.”
JAY-JAY (still emotionally unravelling): It was so eerie and beautiful! Everyone in masks, even the mayor’s statue had one on. What did it mean?
SABRINA : “It’s about how we all wear masks sometimes—emotional ones, social ones… ones to hide pain or to survive the day. But when everyone puts on a mask together, suddenly… no one’s hiding anymore. You’re all just… seen. Safely.”
JAY-JAY (visibly trying not to burst into tears again): That’s… that’s deeper than anything I’ve heard since the noodle metaphor from your Tiny Glitch concert.
SABRINA (laughs): “Oh! Yes, ‘you are the noodle, the world is the soup.’ Still true.”
JAY-JAY: Final question: What’s your message to everyone who wore those masks tonight?
SABRINA (smiling like a sunrise): “Thank you for trusting me. Take your mask off when you’re ready. But keep your soul wild underneath it.
The Crowgut menace that is infecting the town is becoming big news, but who is behind the influx of this substance?
she once got banned from the RTL for walking too hard
she winked at a security camera and it exploded.
her hobbies include:
kissing people mid-heist
monologuing while graffiti dries
being the reason your boyfriend starts writing poetry again
she might be a curse. she might be a vibe.
either way: you’ve been warned.
Walter watches on as the citizens start to become barcoded as the Rule 7a comes into effect.
Tay's new job as a newsreader isn't all fun and games.
Heather hack's the barcode database.
Mayor Gutz is defiant that Rule 7A (no name or identity) will stand.
Reports of a giant gull and a music festival is coming to town.
#rawtown
Surprise #PITTSBURGH we're coming home for a little fun with the best friends in @stringmachinemusic #steelers #penguins #pirates #yinz #theburgh #rawtown #music #mighty #live #houseshow #diy #hometown
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