My January Jubilation (@masseffectholidaycheer) gift for @ray-beams! Slightly late but still completed. Read it here on AO3 or here on tumblr! Happy February.
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Jane Shepard woke up, a hand flopping over to the other side of the bed. No one there. She yawned, blinking her eyes a few times to clear her vision. It was weird to not be wearing glasses. Years after her genetic engineering and she still didn’t like that she could see clearly first thing in the morning.
She rolled herself out of bed, pulled on a nice robe and pajama pants combo, and wandered out into the common space of her and Samantha’s apartment. It was modest, which she had wanted for too long now. A sense of normalcy amidst the craziness her life had become.
“Shepard. Didn’t want to wake you. Rest very important during recovery period.”
Jane jerked her head to the side and saw Mordin, cradling what was likely decaffeinated tea, sitting on a couch across from Sam. “Oh. Didn’t think you were stopping by until one.”
Sam stood up and walked over to her girlfriend’s side, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Jane?”
“Yes dear?”
“It’s two thirty.”
“Ah. Thanks.” Jane gave Samantha a quick kiss on the cheek before stealing her spot on the couch. “Coffee?”
“Got a pot warming up. I’ll leave you two to catch up.” Samantha made her way to the kitchen, probably to do a menial task or two in the meantime to allow Jane and Mordin to talk. The two of them did like their private conversations.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Mordin.” Jane settled herself into the couch, suddenly hyper-aware of the robe she was wrapped in. It felt very silly that she hadn’t gotten dressed.
“Sleeping long hours common reaction to intensive reconstruction. Completely normal. Should stop in number of days.” Mordin set his cup down on the coffee table, then stood up from his seat.
“You know you can call me Jane now, right?” Jane propped one of her elbows up on the back of the couch. “No Commander crew dynamic anymore. Just two enactors of genocide having coffee.”
“If that was meant to offend, silly way to do so. Never meant for Shepard to be impersonal. Always been formal, never impersonal.” The salarian began to pace, as he was wont to do. Frankly, Jane was surprised he’d even been sitting still to presumably talk with Sam. “Both did what we had to do. Best option with available information at the time. No fault in doing what we do best.”
“It’s hard to think about that. What if eventually I realize I was wrong?”
“I did. Can’t go back and fix what’s been done. Tried.”
Jane laughed. “If anyone could pull it off, it’d be you, Mordin.” She hard swallowed, looking towards the window on the opposite side of the room. “Does it get easier?”
“Unclear question.” Mordin stopped his pacing to stand stock still for a moment, bulbous eyes fixed on Jane. “Does what get easier?”
“Dealing with the consequences of our actions. I mean, I condemned an entire field of science to starting from scratch. Probably killed a lot of people in the process. No, I know I killed a lot of people in the process. And now I have to get up and be a person in the galaxy.”
“No.”
Jane looked at Mordin, a starstruck expression on her face.
Mordin gave a short shrug of his shoulders. “Feeling never goes away. It shouldn’t. Focus more on the future. Do better today than we did yesterday.”
“That’s awful optimistic of you. Are you sure you haven’t been replaced by an evil clone?”
“Only you warrant such extreme copying.”
Jane rolled her eyes. Sometimes she had to reflect on the fact that her life was so crazy, it was impossible to even joke about without someone ribbing back that it had actually happened. “You were so upset about everything with the Genophage, and I did that on another level.”
“Not about us. Not about you. About the people we are going to help. Not about you or me, or how we feel about it.” Mordin finally stopped moving to sit down across from Jane again. “About making a difference after we’re gone.”
“Yeah.” Jane ran her fingers through her hair, scratching at her scalp along the way. “Making it better. I hope I actually made it better instead of making it worse.”
“I think you did. The whole team does.” Mordin made it sound as such a matter of fact, such a simple thing that everyone knew. Jane was struggling when people said those things to her, but she wasn’t going to argue the point. Mordin was a much better arguer than her.
“What do you suggest we do? To do better?”
“Get up again. Do something good. Protect people.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Hard to give advice to savior of the galaxy, Shepard. Figure it out.”
“You’ve got an attitude problem, you know that, Solus?”
“Not a problem. Keeps you guessing.”
Jane laughed, got up from her seat, and stepped forward. “Can I get a hug before sending you on your way?”
“Just this once.” The salarian stood up and let Jane put her arms around him, and put his own around her too.
Jane held the hug for what was probably a little too long for a salarian perception of time. She finally released him, rolling a part of her shoulder that was digging a little too hard into his suit. Despite how squishy salarians could be, their tech was the opposite.
“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” Jane walked with Mordin towards the door.
“As long as you are wearing pants next time I visit. Fair trade.” Mordin gave her the salarian equivalent of a cocky smile, or at least that’s what she thought it was. All this time around aliens, and she still didn’t quite know how to read their facial expressions.
“See you, Mordin.” Samantha waved from behind Jane, who whirled around, taken aback by her girlfriend’s sudden appearance. “Heard the going away party, and decided to butt in.” She passed off the cup of coffee in her hands to Jane’s hands, who quickly brought the hot bean juice to her lips.
Mordin gave them both a last wave and the door closed behind him, the automatic lock visibly switching into place.
“Did you know you are the most amazing woman in the world?” Jane slumped against Sam’s side, making a raspberry as she exhaled air.
“Oh, so there’s some other world with women more amazing than me? Maybe I should’ve shipped you off there instead of coming home.” The words were spoken with an air of comedy, clearly lacking any real offense. “I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m the one on dishes. Maybe I’ll just leave out all your favorite cups to get all dirty, and gross, and,”
“Alright, alright, I get the idea. Don’t lay onto me until I’ve had my coffee.” She lifted the cup as if to demonstrate, and sipped from it again. “Okay, begin the shaming.”
“I think you’ve had enough for one day.” Sam put her arm around Jane’s shoulder. “Let’s work on that sleep schedule though, eh?”
“Over my dead body.”
“Too soon.”
“For the first time or the second?”
“Exactly.”
