I care more about attention from my friends over strangers. I wished my friends was as supportive like I am towards them. I hate my mindset, I hate how attention starved I am when it comes to my friends, I hate when I start forming negative thoughts about them when clearly I’m the issue
I start thinking: “oh they probably don’t bother talking about how cool my outfit is because they’re jealous they’re not as cool as me!” I start thinking about how I’m better so it shouldn’t matter if my friends ignore me, I hate it. I love my friends but I hate when I don’t feel loved enough. I start to think that they secretly hate me, I start to think that they’re just jealous of me. I have such a self-centered mindset and I hate it, it’s one of the trait I hate the most in human and myself
this is why I’m so vulnerable towards manipulators, constant compliments and reassurances even if temporary would make me easily attached and stay. I just want to feel loved, not ignored