Nov 9, 2017
First ...my English is still bad Nothing changed And second Relationship goals~~~
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First ...my English is still bad Nothing changed And second Relationship goals~~~
Maybe I will finish it Well yeah Some Rayvin stuff~
Sleep Alone (Part 5)
Oh Jesus the amount of schoolwork I'm getting is just awful. Well, here's what I managed to write in the few moments I had of freedom. Sorry that it's late (and bad)!
Part: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5
Pairing: Ray/Gavin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ray struggles to cope with his increasing romantic feelings for Gavin.
WC: 1,717
“Gavin! So glad for you to join us!”
If there was any time that Ray wanted to shout cruel obscenities to Michael, even with the massive sympathy he received today, it was now.
“Ray, you seem all better!” Gavin sat down next to Michael. “I really missed you today.”
“I did too.”
Michael took out his phone. Ray continued to stare at Michael. He knew he was going to try and leave any moment now.
“Lindsay just texted me. Wants me to head to her place ASAP.” Michael stood up, avoiding any eye contact with Ray. “Sorry guys, I’m off.”
“Oh, it’s fine.” Gavin smiled. “Bye, Michael!”
Ray stood silent.
“Busy guy huh?” Ray nodded. “So, what happened to you today?”
“I don’t really know,” Ray said. “Woke up with a massive stomachache. But, I’m all better now.”
“Good. I woke up with a hangover from last night. We have to stop drinking so much and start doing something else. Like play Monopoly.”
Ray laughed. “To be honest, I don’t even remember anything from last night. How about – How about you?”
“Not really anything. But I wish I did. I don’t know, I just feel like something happened between you and me.” Gavin paused. “Something bad.”
“It probably wasn’t bad since we’re still talking to each other.” Ray shrugged.
“You’re right.” Gavin smiled. “Do you want to go for a walk in the park? It’s really pretty tonight, and I just want to rant to you about something that’s been going on for a while.”
“Sure.”
The weather forecast predicted cold weather for tonight. As Ray stepped outside into the dark street, while a sole streetlight hung above their heads, he felt a warm atmosphere around him. The park was two blocks away, illuminated with lights strapped onto multiple tree branches. Across the street laid a run-down block, fragmented concrete sidewalks and all. This wasn’t the safest place to be wandering around at night, Ray figured. But at least he had another opportunity to get away from home. Anything was better than sleeping alone again.
“Last night I had a dream,” Gavin began. “And it felt so vivid. I could honestly convince myself that it had happened, in real life, at one point or another.”
“What dream?”
Gavin chuckled. “I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just say it involved you.”
Ray nodded in silence.
“Okay, you know that I only date women, right? So, last night…I sort of dreamed that I kissed you.” Gavin paused and bit his lip. Ray continued to look forwards, wondering which path to go next. “Awkward, isn’t it? I got freaked out; it was so surprising to me.”
“Yeah. Awkward.”
“Do you ever get dreams like that? Like you and some other person having some moment of intimacy, so surprising that you wake up confused out of your bloody mind?”
“Not really.”
“Do you ever feel like you could possibly have repressed feelings for someone, such that you yourself cannot subconsciously control yourself to hinder these thoughts?” Gavin asked. “I’m sorry; I actually researched some things on the Internet this morning about it all. It makes you wonder what actually goes through your mind when you’re not in control of your tongue.”
Ray didn’t respond.
“I guess not.” The two grew silent.
Ray put his head down as they walked, watching as his two small feet strut across the concrete floor. Something about this silence wasn’t right. Gavin had never been this silent, had never run out of ideas to talk about, or had never attempted to fit a joke in between. The slim British kid was feeling a certain way about Ray tonight, but couldn’t point it out. The longer the silence went on, the sweatier Ray’s palms grew. And then it hit him.
Gavin lifted one arm and stopped Ray in his tracks.
“Ray, I remember every single detail of what happened last night.”
--
The wind ceased to flow through his dirty blonde hair. Everything seemed to stop. The crickets, the leaves shuffling through the concrete floor, the flickering lights above. They all stood still. At least that’s what Ray felt. His heart had never felt his heart grow as heavy as it did now. He knows. And no he’s going to tell him off, he just knew it. His friendship with Gavin wasn’t going to survive for sure. And what about Michael? What will he say? And Geoff? The embarrassment he’s going to have when he walks into work the next morning. If his parents found out, they would disown him. Everyone would. He should have never joined Roosterteeth. He should have stayed in New York City, where he once belonged. Ray’s lips trembled. It was amazing how the amount of thoughts that could pass through someone’s head in a brief second. That’s all it was. Just one second. One second for Ray to completely break down. One second to feel his head drop, feel tears seep through the corners of his dark brown eyes. One second to feel a single hand raise his head to meet Gavin’s green eyes, just in time to feel a pair of thin lips press against his.
“I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.” Ray could hear Gavin’s voice tremble as he continued to kiss the frozen man. “I should have never said anything as hurtful as I did to someone like you.”
Ray didn’t say anything. He could only focus on the warmth of Gavin’s breath. How badly Ray wanted to feel his tongue slide against Gavin’s, how badly Ray wanted to explore Gavin’s mouth, how badly Ray wanted to touch and feel all of Gavin. He never imagined feeling this way about anyone in a long time. Ray wasn’t fighting back.
“I thought about you when I got home,” Gavin said. “And I felt just horrible about how I just threw away your confession. You meant it. I realized that. And I realized that I feel the same way. I love you, Ray Narvaez Jr. I love you.”
The walk back home didn’t take long. Time seemed to stay still.
--
Gavin laughed his usual laugh, but it wasn’t until tonight that Ray had noticed the little squeaks he would make afterwards. It was one of many of the things Ray got used to.
Ray sat up on his bed that night. That night he first got to taste Gavin’s lips. That night they both walked back home to his apartment, in the growing cold, and both sat quietly on the couch. Neither had any idea of what to say to each other. Everything just happened so quickly. Ray had already forgotten that brief moment…when he thought he would lose it all. His friendship with Gavin, his job, or even his dignity. That brief moment, washed away by one kiss after another. Gavin moved onto Ray again, taking off his green jacket as the two began to kiss again. Ray felt Gavin’s warmth radiating from his small chest, radiating as the two began to lie down on the couch. It wasn’t a comfortable couch, but anything will do for now. Are they going to have sex? Ray felt sweat come from his palms. He wasn’t sure if he was ready. Not tonight. Gavin would understand, right? All Ray needed right now was someone to wake up to the next morning. Someone who could spend the night just sleeping and cuddling, giving warm kisses as Ray touched and felt the curves of his back. He was a sap when he came to love. Gavin wouldn’t mind, right?
It was midnight by the time Gavin arrived at his apartment again. They’ve got to be a secret. Just for now.
Gavin sat up on Ray’s bed, holding an empty glass.
“Pass me some more wine, please. I’m getting parched again.”
“We have to do something else than just drink tonight in my shitty apartment,” Ray said.
“What? We just opened this bottle like 2 minutes ago. We’re good.” Gavin pinched Ray’s cheeks. “Don’t get mad.”
“I’m not,” Ray laughed. “I think this is great. Just me and you.”
“Just like the other two nights. Except we’re just spending it here.” Gavin poured himself half a glass. “Let’s see. We spent the first night catching up on Game of Thrones. The next night was a dinner at that really cool coffee shop. And now we’re here. Sounds good.”
“Yeah.”
“So, about Jordan. Like I said, he gets really boring sometimes. I mean-”
“He’s not boring, Gavin.” Ray poured himself a glass. “He’s just really passive with others outside of work.”
“Boring.” Gavin whispered.
“Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, Gavin Free.” Ray drank his wine and lied on his bed. Gavin did the same. The two lied next to each other in silence, both searching for a new topic to discuss. Ray didn’t mind the silence.
“I’m surprised that we haven’t.”
Ray raised an eyebrow. “Haven’t what?”
Gavin turned to face Ray.
“Are you kidding me?”
Gavin laughed. “No, actually. I’m not.” He scratched his forehead and turned to face the ceiling again. “I mean…hm. I actually think it’s kind of odd that we haven’t done it. I usually sleep with most of the women I date.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Gavin smiled. “Haven’t you done that with the people you date and stuff?”
“Not really.”
“Ray,” Gavin got closer to Ray’s face. “Have you ever had a guy friend like me? You know, the kind who you allow to kiss all the time?”
“No,” Ray responded. “I haven’t. You’re actually the first. I mean, I have never thought of doing these kinds of things with guy, feeling this type of way.”
“Me neither. It’s crazy what twists life can give us. I think we still should…you know.” Ray rolled his eyes, feeling his thick-rimmed glasses slide down his nose. “I just think it would be…fun!”
“Fun?”
“Nice!”
“Nice?”
“Okay, not nice. I think it would be good or sexy…” Gavin sat up. “Yes, I think it would be fun.” The two men grew silent. “Hm, let me just stretch over you and grab this w-”
“Get off of me!” Ray laughed, feeling as Gavin’s warmth began to press against his chest. “Gavin, get off! Gavin, please! Gavin, Gavin, Gavin…”
Sleep Alone (Part 3)
Well, at least I managed to get the next part done a bit more quickly. I still have no idea how many parts this should be. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!
Part: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5
Pairing: Ray/Gavin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ray struggles to cope with his increasing romantic feelings for Gavin. The situation grows such that it eventually tests the duo's friendship.
WC: 1,501
“Gavin, I want you to cum inside my ass.”
Ray entered his bathroom, while the streams of alcohol were still warm in his head. He turned to the mirror, eyes darting left and right. Never in his life had he felt such confusion over something so minimal. It was just a hand on your shoulder. He was comforting you.
An image of the dream flashed in his head, almost like a video still. Another still appeared. Then another. The stills were rewinding. Stop. Play. Gavin face’s stood above his head this time. A warm hand brushed against the fibers of Ray’s facial hair. Ray’s chest felt warm, as if another beating heart was next to his. And that smile. Two thin lips, filled with a juicy red color. Closer to Ray’s lips as he had ever thought possible. “I love you. I want to prove it. Tonight.”
Ray zipped his pants down, watching his size continued to grow.
“Just this one time,” he whispered. The dim bathroom lights flickered. “I’m not going to think about him anymore again.”
He sat on the toilet as his cheeks continued to redden, while the silence of his apartment no longer seemed to bother him.
--
The next morning was quiet. Walking into the office, Ray hoped to avoid making eye contact with Gavin as long as possible. He wasn’t there yet when he arrived. Michael sat at his desk alone, scrolling through Reddit.
“Morning,” Michael grunted.
Ray nodded. He sat down at his desk. A few moments passed, spent by staring at the figurines sprawled along the wooden surface.
“Say Ray,” Michael coughed. “You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to Gavin last night, right?”
“No.”
“I tried calling him this morning…didn’t pick up. Weird, isn’t it? We were supposed to grab some breakfast together today.” Ray nodded again. “How did your date go? Do I have to punch him for shitting on your life?”
“You mean the lunch thing? It was okay.” Ray put on his headphones. “It was okay.”
Gavin stumbled into the office, a bottle of seltzer trembling in his hand. “Morning chaps. Hey, Ray! What happened last night?”
Ray gulped. “What do you mean?”
“Did you get home safe last night? We drank a lot! I don’t even remember a bloody thing!” Gavin laughed.
“You guys hung out last night?” Michael turned to Ray.
“Yeah, we did.” Ray took off his headphones. “I took a cab home. Nothing big. I was just tired.”
“You could have just stayed for the night. I don’t mind sleeping in the same bed with you. X-Ray and Vav, right?”
“Sure.”
Gavin walked out of the room. “You forgot to mention your other date, Ray.” Michael snuffed. “What happened there?”
“We just played some games and…drank.”
“How much?”
“I think we finished a bottle.”
“A bottle!? Jesus, Ray. Were you planning to rape him in his sleep?” Ray shook his head. “Is there something wrong with you?”
“I’m fine.” Ray said. “I’m completely fine.”
Michael stared at Ray for a complete second before looking back at his monitor.
Ray took out his phone, realizing he hadn’t touched it since two nights ago. There stood part of his unsent message to Gavin. Quickly pressing backspace, he turned off his screen and went back to work.
--
“Hey Gavin,” Ray began. Michael had gone off to lunch with Lindsay. Gavin was sitting alone, watching the new trailer for Sherlock. Gavin’s eyes were still dull from a minor headache, but still illuminating a bright hazel color. Ray paused and smiled, waiting for Gavin to finish watching. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m doing alright,” Gavin smiled. “Geez, we must have drunk a lot. I mean, you know how drunk I can get when I even drink a simple beer, right? I honestly do not remember a single thing.”
“Yeah.”
“What did you want to talk about?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to come over so we could watch some Netflix or something.” Ray let out a small laugh. “I don’t really have anything else to do tonight, so...”
Gavin thought for a moment. “Sure, I’d love to. What are we watching?”
“Anything you want.”
“I’ll think about it as we actually get to you house. Thanks mate!” Ray nodded.
As the night quickly approached, Ray led Gavin to his run down car. It wasn’t exactly run down. The brake light might flicker ever so often, and the left side might have a huge dent, but the car was still operational. Ray really couldn’t afford any repairs, anyway.
Once the car ride was over, the two headed upstairs. The elevator was broken. Gavin plopped himself on Ray’s couch, while Ray quickly turned on his TV. Ray sat at the other end of the couch. “Sit closer,” Gavin giggled. “I don’t bite.”
“What are we watching then?”
Gavin shrugged. “I’m actually in the mood for some terrible shows. Oh! I got it! Have you ever watched Toddlers & Tiaras? Oh Jesus, that show is horrible.”
“No, never heard of it.”
“It is just the worst. I bloody love it.” Gavin switched on the Pilot episode and turned back to Ray. “Sorry, just a little guilty pleasure.”
Ray said nothing.
“Say, do you have any beer? I might have had a hangover today, but I’m really in the mood for some ale.”
“I do, actually. Just restocked yesterday. Just one for you?”
“Or two, would be great.”
Ray set four ice cold beers on the table, while the show began to start. Without warning, Ray felt Gavin’s head lean on his left shoulder. Ray couldn’t help but smile in response. The two leaned back and watched in silence. X-Ray and Vav, right?
--
“There was a time…when I was so over Austin. I was this close to repacking my stuff up. I had already researched the next flight back to New York. I was…over it, you know? I left my family, I left my lifelong friends, and to start all over again…it was too much for me.” Ray set down his beer on the table, attempting to control his trembling voice. The clock behind him read 11:48. Three hours and 8 beers since they had entered Ray’s home. “Then I met you, Gavin. That was when everything around me just started to feel homelier. I felt welcome in this work environment. I was happy to go to work! I really was.”
Gavin sat back, pulling on the collar of his blue shirt.
“But there’s been a lot of confusion within myself these past few months. And then I realized, these confusions…they’ve been with me my entire life. Confusion about my future. Confusion about my lifelong goals. Confusion about if I’m going to die happy. Am I going to sit there on my dying bed, happy with the things I did in my lifetime? The decisions I made? The people I chose to stick by? How open I was about my true self?”
Pause.
“I have spent…the last 25 years…distracting myself…from myself. These feelings I get, I don’t know who to talk to or what to do with them. I just don’t know why I’m so scared of myself.”
Perhaps it was just the alcohol talking. Perhaps it wasn’t. Whatever it was, Ray felt it was the perfect time to talk to Gavin about it. He didn’t remember anything about last night, so why would he remember this?
Gavin sat there, the pair of hazel eyes completely focused on every word that came out of Ray’s mouth. They’ve only stopped drinking a few minutes ago. He gulped once Ray set his head down and grew silent.
“Ray…”
“I love you, Gavin.” Ray began to tear up. “I love you.”
“I love you, too-”
“No, Gavin. I do really mean I love you. And it makes me sick that you try so hard to grab Michael’s attention when he just shits on you in return. In my opinion, you do not deserve that kind of treatment. You are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met in my life. And it would make the happiest man if I got to spend my entire time by your side.”
Gavin stood silent.
“Ray, you know I only date women.”
“Yeah.” Ray’s vision was completely blurred at this point. “Sucks for me, doesn’t it? This past night I dreamed of me and you. And to be completely honest, I felt happy to never wake up from it.”
The silence in the brown-and yellow living room was the longest the two had ever experienced. The TV was turned off. Everything other room had its lights shut off. They were under a spotlight, on a stage, performing for an invisible audience. To Ray, that’s what only made his heart cringe under pain.
Gavin stood up from the couch. “I need to go. I just…need to go. Goodbye, Ray.”
Ray kept his head down, still rattled with alcohol, while the front door slammed shut just a few moments after.