Color in the World of Gray (Jungkook x Reader): Part 1
You became the color in his world of gray, while he became the light in your constant darkness. But will that be enough to discover where you're both supposed to be? And will light and color be enough to spark a little change?
Summary: What fiery passion Jungkook had upon joining the world of adults swiftly dulled as he became swept into the routine of the working life. The world was gray, filled with monotonous motions and half-empty words, exchanged out of necessity and feigned courtesy. But as he settled into the colorless pattern of his present and what he assumed would also most likely be his future-- a bland, meaningless drawling world--, one fateful day had him stumbling into you. And he quickly learned that although you were blind, you envisioned a world far more beautiful than people with sight could ever see.
Jungkook x Reader (ft. some of the BTS members) Fluff, Angst, Romance Warning: This fic will contain a lot of information and does surround itself with someone who is visually-impaired, and other disabilities will be introduced as well. If this topic makes you uncomfortable, then please do not continue.
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3
A/N: Hi everyone <3 I’m back with a new, fresh series! It’s definitely something different that I really wanted to tackle so I hope it’s still it’s as enjoyable as my other works for you all :) I figured I’d give everyone a break from love triangles too :P Also most of this series will be in Jungkook’s POV, but there will be insight into the Reader’s POV too! Enjoy ~
Part 1: The Spark of Yellow
He hadn't always been like this.
He was acutely aware of this truth.
But back then, Jungkook was young--fresh-- enough that he still had fire inside him. The thrill of being part of the workforce and contributing to society spurring him on with unmatched vigor, and yet with each passing day, it began to the simmer, as he became disillusioned to the childhood reverie he had once held being an adult up to.
"Jungkook."
"Hm?" He hummed as he scrolled through his phone mindlessly.
Often his fingers took him across the flat surface even without his mind registering the action. He knows he doesn't need to check anything. He knows all of his chat boxes are on mute because he wants to tune in on his own time rather than being bombarded with a billion messages in a span of a few minutes. Not that any of the conversations were directed towards him anyway. But he constantly finds himself drawn to his phone when things get awkward, when there's downtime, and simply...whenever he can. Looking at his screen was more often interesting than what was happening in the present anyway.
"Jungkook. We came here from Busan to visit you and you've just been sitting there on your phone. It's rude to us and the meal in front of you."
His mother's stern voice pulled him away from some funny prank video he was about to click on. Sheepishly, he forced his phone into his pocket and returned his focus to the meal.
"Sorry. Someone was messaging me." He mumbled half-heartedly.
A flicker of interest displayed on her face.
"New friends?"
Jungkook looked away guiltily. The fact that his mom was ecstatic about him possibly having friends made him feel worse about lying.
"Just...work people." He brushed off.
"Oh." She simply stated before picking up her utensil again.
The meal fell into silence once more, and Jungkook felt the urge creeping back to reach for his phone, to be anywhere but here.
He loved his family of course, but they were sometimes intrusive with their expectations. They kept asking him about this and that, and Jungkook was always torn between lying and quelling their worries or being honest and stirring up ten thousand more questions of them trying to get an explanation out of him.
He knew, of course, that their intense interest was only his parents' way to express how extremely concerned they were that his flame of enthusiasm was significantly dimmer than when he first arrived in Seoul. But he couldn't help but be irritated by it. It was his life. He would deal with it.
Even though he certainly wasn't really dealing with anything, he just learned how to ride the waves to get by. Isn't that what adulthood was all about anyway?
Whenever Jungkook did take the time to look around him, be it in the office or just walking through the busy streets, it was surprising to find how odd it felt to be surrounded by people but feel alone all the same. It was as if they were shadows, gray, without faces-- a mirage of fluid black and white. No one stopped to become familiar, to be recognized, to take a focused shape, and frankly, Jungkook didn't care enough to tip over the balance that everyone was so intent on keeping.
Until one unexpected day that is.
People often say that it takes just one very special person, and one fateful moment to change someone's entire world. To change the very fabric of one's thoughts and make one's gears spin backwards, against the grain, and against the windswept flow of society.
And for Jungkook, that turned out to be you.
You were strangers. Just mere beings walking up and down the street every day, heading in the same direction as everyone else. Everyone too busy on their phones or looking straight ahead with a sullen look at the promise of another mundane day, filled with the hope of more work, possible troubles, yet all the more money; too busy to take the time to truly glance around the world they were merely gliding through.
But then there was you.
It wasn't hard to notice you. You always walked through the crowd, on the opposite side of the silently assigned lanes. Parting the crowd silently, disrupting the order, and earning disgruntled looks.
For brief moments you filled his morning thoughts, with an inner monologue about how you were odd. Why walk against the flow? It was infinitely more difficult to evade the rushing passerbys to do it that way. Were you trying to make a point? Stick it to the man?
Initially, he only saw your torso and your face among the crowd, standing out for one, because you were heading a different direction than everyone else, but you also had mismatching colors on; vibrant and discordant. His curiosity got the best of him one day and so, he side stepped near the outside of the sardine can of people to shadow beside you.
And that's when he saw it. The surface answer to his questions.
Gripped in your right hand was a stick, feeling its way ahead of you.
The realization dawned on him: you were blind.
And then he made his descent to being a creep.
A helpful one, yet he still thought of his actions as well--very creepy.
During his morning commute to work, he would walk a few steps behind you on some days, while other days he would walk in front of you to make sure the path was clear; he would take the hit or signal people to shift over. And he was fine with being your silent helper, taking pride in doing a good deed without someone making a big deal about it as they always had. It made him feel undeniably good, like he had a small sense of purpose without expectation of reward. In a world that was so obsessed with gains and losses, it was refreshing. He was satisfied just watching over you in a parallel sphere, never intersecting, never intertwining your lives.
But fate had different plans.
Jungkook was on the shy side, both in his personal life and at work. He could count on his fingers how many people he trusted and felt comfortable around, enough to be loud, obnoxious, and comical. He had always preferred quality over quantity anyway.
But regardless, it took him by surprise when he found himself speaking up against someone who rudely bumped into you, nearly knocking you over. It irked him that the man had no qualms about plowing you over. If he hadn't been close by, you might have fallen and it pained him to think of the struggle you would've had to face in the middle of the sidewalk if the walking stick you held had rolled too far away. But maybe he was just immediately jumping to the worst case scenario.
"Hey." He sternly called out, earning the man's attention.
The man turned around shooting Jungkook a quizzical look.
"You should say sorry. She clearly wasn't hard to spot or walk around." He motioned to you.
The man was caught between being flustered and being defensively aggressive, but decided on the former in the interest of time.
"Sorry, man. Was in a hurry. Didn't mean to." The man stated half-heartedly then went about his way once again.
Jungkook sighed, knowing that wasn't as heartfelt of an apology as he had hoped to elicit, but he realized he had burst the bubble with his blatant interference, so he hurriedly spun around to find you waiting patiently for him to address you.
"Um...are you okay? Do you need help?" he blushed.
You perked up and smiled, "Oh no, I'm okay. I've been doing this forever, but every now and then I make a mistake...but then again who doesn't?"
Jungkook laughed, knowing full well it wasn't your fault, but who was he to argue when it already happened regardless of where the blame lay. "Yeah, you're right."
"But anyway, I should thank you um..."
"Jungkook." He held his hand out then hurriedly retracted it, remembering you couldn't see it.
"Thank you Jungkook." You extended your hand out. "I'm Y/N."
He relaxed and gripped your hand. "Nice to meet you, Y/N."
"Well, I shouldn't keep you any longer. You're probably on your way to work like everyone else." You smiled.
"Um yeah..." Jungkook flustered. He really wasn't sure how to continue the conversation, being quite rusty in that department. "See you around, Y/N."
Then he winced, realizing you couldn't actually really "see" him around. Oh god, had he already been insensitive within the first few seconds of meeting you?
You chuckled, possibly sensing his panic. But you never mentioned anything, simply returning his goodbye with, "See you around, Jungkook."
"Jungkook."
He yawned as he looked away from the coffee machine to find one of his female coworkers looking at him expectantly. Not that he knew her face. Most people on his team had a large red "X" in front of them in his mind. They were very much strangers to him, but held some importance in his life out of work relation, so he had to distinguish them in his imagination. But he did recognize her voice as she was someone who asked him questions a lot during meetings.
"Oh sorry. Am I in the way?" He grabbed his mug and tried to shift away, but she hurried to grab his arm to keep him in place.
"I uh no...I actually wanted to speak to you alone."
"I don't really know anything that happened in the last meeting. Sorry." He hummed as he glanced at the clock. The longer he stayed here, the later he would get out.
"No. I just...I've been meaning to well-- tell you something."
Jungkook nodded for her to continue, although in the back of his mind, he was rushing her to just spit it out.
"Would you like to go out sometime?"
Jungkook fought back the sigh that was clawing its way out of his throat.
Not another one.
Okay, maybe he was being a brat with complaining about how many people have asked him out since he came to Seoul, but instead of making him feel excited and confident, each confession made him feel burdened and honestly, a little disheartened. How was it that all these people who had no face to him could claim to like him, when they didn't know the first thing about him? How could they like someone they didn't know?
Oh right. Because he was good-looking.
It wasn't vanity, no. Jungkook valued himself as someone humble. But he took careful measures to take care of himself, from working out every day, to showing up clean cut at work, to spraying himself with cologne to smell nice. He knew he was somewhat pleasing to the eye for most people, but he didn't want people to like him just because of that. No one tried to befriend him or get to know him. They simply jumped the gun into romance. He didn't want someone to date him for his physicality, so it was disappointing.
Not that he had the guts to say that to anyone.
So simply, he bowed, mustering as apologetic an air as he could, and replied with, "I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings."
And then from there proceeded the awkward giggles and the flustered excuse with the eventual scurrying away out of embarrassment. Once that all played out, only then did Jungkook let out a long drawn out sigh. He sipped his coffee and hurried to his cubicle to get back to work.
Another sigh when he looked at the time. He was off schedule by five minutes.
He wondered if there was more to this or if this was it.
"Yes, mom. I'm fine. I've just been busy with work so I didn't get to answer back." Jungkook stated. "I'm on my way home now. Yes. Okay. Love you. Bye. Mhm."
He yawned once again. How was it that 8 hours at work always made him feel like his soul had been sucked dry? To think it's only one-third of the day, but it encompassed the majority of his life and energy. It was a bit depressing.
Suddenly, he felt a tap on his heel. Curiously, he turned around, gasping a little when he found you smiling warmly at him.
"Jungkook?" You called out.
He blinked, flustered.
"Oh god, did I get the wrong person?" You worried.
"No, no! It's me." He answered quickly, remembering that you couldn't see that it was actually him. "I was just surprised you knew."
"I'm good at recognizing voices, but sometimes I'm wrong." You laughed. "Thank goodness it wasn't one of those times."
Jungkook found himself grinning, "Yeah, thank goodness."
"Talk about awkward." You sang lightly. "Anyway, I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your conversation. I just recognized your voice so I tuned in to figure out where you were."
"That's the coolest excuse I've heard to downplay eavesdropping." Jungkook chuckled.
"I try." You shrugged.
An odd feeling washed over Jungkook in that moment. Call it spontaneity, curiosity -- he wasn't sure, but he knew he suddenly didn't feel like going home, back to his apartment where he would just be alone, scrolling through his phone watching other people's lives to forget about his own. He wanted to do something different and right now, you were that new variable that had thrown him for a loop. But part of him was also fascinated with learning about you, and in turn, how you would view him as a person when you learned about him. It was definitely an odd feeling, one he hardly ever felt.
It was difficult to admit out loud, but he had been intrigued by you since the beginning. The way you held your head high and functioned naturally alongside everyone else, despite being different. So maybe it was his innermost desire for something more or maybe it was just his natural tendency to seek answers, but whatever the reason, it compelled him to lengthen his time with you.
"Hey. Do you want to go grab some coffee?" He asked, his heart racing a little at the possibility of a rejection.
Luckily, it wasn't long until you agreed.
"Sure." You pointed the stick ahead. "Lead the way, Jungkook."
"Um...how do I do that?" He questioned, concerned that he wouldn't do it right.
"Well if you talk and walk, that helps." You responded without a hint of taking offense. "I would ask if I could hold on to you, but it's a bit too soon for arm holding. And I'm not that kind of girl."
Jungkook couldn't help but laugh at her joke. It definitely helped ease him into talking and walking.
"Okay so I know this good cafe close by. We just got to spin around."
"Spinning." You turned around. "So feel free to tell me if I'm being too intrusive with my questions. I often tend to scare people off. Although I have no idea why anybody would be intimidated by me."
Jungkook's lips curled up, sensing she was making another joke about how people treated her. How most people didn't bother because they didn't know how.
"Well ask away." Jungkook shrugged. "Although you should be prepared to answer your own questions, I tend to throw them back at people."
"Ahh...one of those, huh?" she teased.
Jungkook laughed.
"Let's start off with a basic one. What color is your hair?"
"Now that's far too intrusive." Jungkook teased.
"I have this thing against people with brown hair. If you fit that category, I'm afraid we can't continue on this path." You bantered in return.
"How unfortunate. I do have brown hair." Jungkook grinned.
"Yeah, bye." You playfully waved your hand and pretended to turn the other way.
"You're ridiculous." Jungkook found himself stating.
"Oh now we're on the level of stating the obvious? Things sure are escalating." You grinned.
"Do you always joke around this much with strangers?" Jungkook asked.
"Hmm..." You hummed.
He glanced at you curiously then pulled you a little towards him when a group of people were trying to squeeze themselves past you.
"Are we still strangers?" You questioned.
Jungkook was a little taken aback. Your tone wasn't accusatory at all, simply curious.
"I uh...I mean I don't really know about you...other than your name and that you're..." he trailed off, unsure if he should mention the obvious.
"Blind?" You chuckled. "It's alright. I'm quite aware that I am."
"Do you think we're strangers?" Jungkook blinked.
"Probably, but I think we're on our way to becoming acquaintances as we speak." You shrugged. "I guess I never really thought about the transition until you mentioned it."
"Me neither."
He felt himself blush as your shoulders brushed against his. How long had it been since he had talked to someone new and been this close in proximity?
"Are we almost there?" You questioned.
"Yeah. Why? Tired of walking?"
"This is no ordinary stick. It contains superpowers. It's quite heavy with responsibility."
There you go again with your jokes, but Jungkook realized he quite enjoys them.
"Surely, you shouldn't be confessing such a big secret to a stranger." He joined in.
"Mmm well if word gets out, I'll know who you are and how to get rid of you." You cackled.
"With your magic stick?" Jungkook snorted.
"I prefer scepter." You grinned. "Sounds a bit more elegant."
Jungkook lightly guided your back to direct you towards the cafe as the two of you laughed about your insane conversation. When was the last time he genuinely laughed like this?
The conversation flowed easily as the pair of you joined the masses in line.
"Jungkook." You called as he had pulled his phone out of habit when there was a lull in the discussion.
"Hm?" he hummed.
"Tell me what you see." You requested.
He blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?"
"Count for me how many people are on their phones, including yourself." You grinned.
"How did you--?"
"I just guessed." You shrugged.
Jungkook shyly put his phone into his pocket and glanced around. He was a bit taken aback to find that almost the entire cafe was filled with people on their phones or computers despite sitting or standing with other people. Only a handful of people were actually talking to the person in front of them.
"I'd say 80% of the people in here are on some sort of device." He reported, intrigued by this forced observation. "I think the people who aren't, are either on some sort of date or catching up with an old friend?"
He spotted your lips curling up at his assumption.
"Interesting isn't it?" was all you stated before panic set into Jungkook, realizing the two of you were next in line, but you weren't able to read the menu. He should've read it to you during the wait or given you recommendations.
"Y/N -- " he started, but you stepped forward to the cash register.
"Hi, sorry to be a bother, but can you tell me what coffees you have on your menu?" You asked politely.
The worker was quick to pick up on why you requested such an action and kindly talked you through their options. Jungkook relaxed and watched you navigating through the order in awe, until he was brought back to reality when he spotted you fumbling into your purse.
"I got this, Y/N." He stepped forward and pulled out his card. "I'll take a caramel macchiato."
"Thanks." You smiled gratefully. "I should be treating you since you helped me and all."
"Next time." Jungkook chuckled. "I gotta order the most expensive thing when it's your turn to pay."
You laughed and obliged.
"I'll wait for the order. Do you want to go grab seats? Oh..." Jungkook stopped himself.
"I got it." You replied a little tensely.
He spotted you frown a little before starting your search. He bit his lip worriedly. He really wasn't sure how to not offend you.
He kept an eye on you while he listened for your names, and he relaxed as you settled into a table by the windows without much problem. He suddenly felt quite foolish. You had been living in this world like this for about as long as he had. Who had he been to think you wouldn't be able to find your own seat? Way to go, Jungkook.
He picked up your drinks and headed to where you were.
"I'm sorry." He quickly apologized, hating the gnawing feeling in his chest.
"You reacted like everyone does. Don't worry." You waved your hand. "But I'm going to be straightforward and state that I don't like when people make assumptions and determine what I can and can't do just because I'm blind."
"I know. I didn't mean to. I just didn't want to burden you...." he mumbled.
"It's okay. I know you had good intentions. And I know you don't know me well enough yet, but trust me that I know when it'll be hard or not. I'll ask for help and tell you that it'll be difficult to do alone, okay?"
"Yeah, of course." Jungkook nodded.
"Cool." You grinned. "Now help me find my drink."
Jungkook chuckled and placed the cup in your hand.
"Shit that's hot." You hissed as you retracted your fingers.
"Can't handle the heat?" He snorted.
"I usually don't back down on a challenge, but it is the absolute worst when you have a burnt tongue and you can't enjoy delicious food." You explained.
"Agreed."
"Anyway, don't you think it's interesting that we're the most connected generation to ever live, yet we hardly ever truly connect with people?" You threw out a question.
"What do you mean?" Jungkook blinked.
"So phones and computers...it lets us connect to more people, regardless of distance, regardless of economic class, regardless of work field, right? We see into people's lives on a whole different level." You started. "But we hardly utilize it to know someone's depth and get closer with them. In fact, I think it actually forms a rift between people who are in your proximity, because knowing that you have people to talk to without making the effort to see them, makes you care less."
"Wow." Jungkook muttered.
"Sorry." You blushed and took a sip of your coffee. "I get carried away sometimes."
"I um...well..." Jungkook stuttered, trying to form a coherent opinion on this matter. But he was guilty of all of the above and he had no excuse for it. "I'm guilty as charged I guess."
"I didn't mean to call you out! Oh no!" You flailed your hands frantically. "I just...it bothers me... because well-- talking and conversing is really all I have to make a connection with others. So it's a little sad that face-to-face conversations are a dying art."
"I never actually thought about it before." Jungkook admitted. "It was just easily accessible for me...and a good distraction from boredom and awkwardness."
"I get that for sure." You smiled. "But maybe it won't be so boring and awkward if you take the time to talk and fill those gaps with questions and answers."
"Interesting." Jungkook hummed.
"But I might be presumptuous here." You shied away. "I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing you on how to live your life. It's my silly opinion."
Jungkook's lips curled up. "It's not silly at all. It's been awhile since I heard a freely stated opinion."
"Oh? Why?"
"I mean at work we have friendly discussions, but it's fairly regimented and filtered to be professional. Everyone's on edge to make themselves look good and not get on our Director's bad side, so words and opinions are always chosen carefully." Jungkook explained.
"Sounds stifling." You chuckled.
"Very." He agreed.
"So why are you in that sort of environment?"
"It's a job." He answered, simply.
"Ah." You nodded.
"What's your opinion on that?" he questioned.
You smiled, "What makes you think I have an opinion on that?"
"You seem to be one for having opinions." Jungkook commented light-heartedly.
"I can't argue there." You chuckled. "But I think everyone has their own opinions. I'm just a bit more vocal and attuned to mine."
"So?" Jungkook urged, genuinely interested in your perspective.
"I guess it's normal to be in a job that gets routine." You took a sip, probably to give yourself time to formulate your thoughts. "Routine itself isn't a bad thing. It's stability. But you sound like you hate your time there."
"I like what I do..." Jungkook hummed. "But I guess I just don't know if there's more to all this."
"So reach for more." You shrugged.
"Huh?"
You tilted your head cutely, a hint of confusion in your expression. "Well if you want more to life then go for it?"
Jungkook burst into laughter at the simplicity of it all. You continued to stare at him, probably more at a loss at his reaction to your statement.
"Makes sense." He chuckled. "But where to begin, you know?"
"That's something I can't exactly help you with." You smiled at your cup. "But maybe someone at work can provide you with insight?"
"Uh well..." Jungkook scratched his head. "I don't exactly have any work friends."
Admitting all his worries and how sad of a life he was living to this completely-not-exactly-stranger-anymore was very cathartic. Maybe it wasn't bad opening up once in awhile.
There was an agonizing few seconds of silence before you started cracking up.
"Are you serious?" You breathed.
"Very." Jungkook stated dryly.
"Why? You seem like such a nice and chill guy. I'm sure you'll get along with people! I mean we got on well enough, and we literally have known each other for a few hours."
He blushed at the undeniable fact. It really was amazing how the two of you seemed to just connect. Maybe it was because he was taking the time to truly talk to you, instead of being distracted by the virtual world for once.
"I'm shy, and no one's really reached out to me either at work in my defense." He huffed.
"Now that's immature." You teased. "Just 'cause they don't come to you, that doesn't mean you can't go to them. Maybe they're just as shy as you. Or that big 'fuck off' on your forehead is scaring them away."
"I don't have a big 'fuck off' on my forehead." he argued.
"You not interacting with others is equivalent to having that branded on your forehead. No wonder you're miserable at work." You reached out towards him, clutching onto his arm gently. "Listen, Jungkook. Life is ten times better with people to stumble around with. Most jobs are miserable, if not a majority of the time, at least once in a while. You need to connect with someone that can make it less like a slaughter and more like a battlefield."
He glanced down at your hands on his arm in contemplation. He could feel how much you cared about him and how sincere your advice was. It was peculiar, but it felt nice, warm. Since you couldn't see him smiling, he covered your hand with his, hopefully conveying the depth of his gratitude.
"I'll search out for my partner in crime and see if this opinion of yours works then."
He was never good with expressing his true feelings, but he hoped you would understand all the same. You seem to though because you squeezed his hand and grinned.
"Good luck."
Usually Jungkook would be among the first people to run out of any social gathering, often making up excuses as to why he had to leave early, but it all came down to preferring to be in the comfort of his bedroom than out pretending to be chummy with strangers he works with. But after your coffees (since you two had ordered a few more rounds) had either gotten cold, taking a backseat to conversations, or been completely consumed, you both naturally decided it was time to leave. Jungkook actually felt a bit sad about it, which was yet another new emotion for him.
He was so consumed with his own thoughts as to why he was feeling this type of way that he didn't hear you saying your goodbyes. Then he realized that he had no way of contacting you again. He quickly jolted back to the present as you were a few steps away already.
"I don't know how to reach you!" He called out.
You chuckled and turned around, yelling in return, "We'll see each other again! Don't worry!"
Jungkook smiled.
"Besides, you've always been helping me out this whole time anyway. I'm sure you know where to find me." You winked and waved before departing again.
Jungkook stood there, mouth agape, eyes wide. Had you known this whole time he had been silently helping you?
He chuckled to himself. He had thought he was being smooth and stealthy, but he guessed not. His eyes found their way back to you in the crowd. He could've sworn that he saw a flicker of yellow around you as you walked away, despite the bleakness of the cloudy day and impending darkness of the coming evening. Was it hope? Was it a sign that the gray he had surrounded himself with wasn't going to be like that forever?
Regardless of the answer, he knew for sure that whether this meeting was brief or meant to be something more lasting, his world would never be the same.
.
.
.
PART 2