I loved your KA/YO writing and was wondering if you could do like massively pinning cypher x reader?
Thank you for this request! This was really calming to write. I wasn't sure if you meant to Cypher to be the one who is pining, or reader, so I took creative liberty with it. Both reader and Cypher are pining in this, but it mostly focuses on Cypher :> I hope you enjoy!
-Rigel
Cypher x Reader - Pining
Word Count: 1649
Warnings: A little bit of angst
Cypher knew you would be trouble for him the moment he met you, hell, even before then when he was scouting you for the Protocol.
You were nice. A bright spark in the so often dark world that he dealt with. He wanted to protect you, but he also didn’t want to get too close. He was a dangerous man, and everything that he did was to distance himself from others. He never even showed his face, how was he supposed to expect to get close to you anyway.
The more he spoke to you and the more time he spent with you though, the more he couldn’t keep himself away.
It was everything about you. Your smile was like a lighthouse that could guide even the most doomed man home, and oh how much he wished he could be that man. Your laugh was a song that he could never grow tired of. Every word you spoke had him in a trance. Everything about you was perfect. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell you any of this. He couldn’t. Because even if you did feel the same, he didn’t want to put the danger of knowing him on you. So he would keep it all bottled up forever. He had to. To keep you safe.
He would have thought that his secrecy would drive you away, but you didn’t seem to share the same reservations about him that the rest of the Protocol did when it came to transparency. He didn’t know if he hoped you were just naive or if you shared the feelings for him that he did for you.
----
“Cypher, can you help me with something?” You ask, and he tries to ignore the way his heart flutters at your presence like it so often does.
“Of course, what do you need?”
You start explaining something about a piece of tech you’re working on. He’s only half-listening. Too distracted by how close you are to him and how much he wishes he could just reach out and hold you.
“Phoenix said it was a really good idea, but I honestly think he might have just been trying to flatter me.”
He hears that. It isn’t jealousy that fills his stomach. He tells himself it isn’t. At least, it isn’t the kind of angry jealousy. It’s the kind of jealousy that gnaws at him because he wants to be the one who you speak so fondly of, and it’s his own fault that he isn’t.
“Cypher? Are you okay?” You ask, concerned.
“Ah, lost in thought for a moment, do not worry. What were you saying?” He attempts to reassure you, waving his hand dismissively. Your smile returns as you continue to explain.
When you leave his workshop, he’s left alone again. It feels colder without you beside him. He convinces himself he doesn’t care.
He tries not to imagine you together with Phoenix. Both of your smiles are bright and vibrant. The two of you would be a good match for each other. You didn’t even imply in any way that you liked him, it’s just his own mind getting the better of him. He’s choosing to create this problem for himself.
----
“If you were to tell someone you liked them, how would you do it?” You ask it so casually that it catches him off-guard and he coughs. The two of you were sitting in the commons area. He was sitting at one of the stools at a table, and you were laying across a nearby couch.
“Why do you ask?” He won’t let himself get his hopes up.
“No reason, just curious.” For once, he’s thankful for his mask around you. It saves him from having to explain the dumbfounded, flushed expression he wears now.
“I… haven’t put much thought into it. How would you go about it?” He nervously turns a small tripwire coin in his fingers.
“I’m not sure. I think I would be too nervous to ever actually get around to doing it. I know it’s nice to ask in person, but it just feels so vulnerable. I wonder if it would be easier with a mask like yours?” You ask, jokingly. Cypher laughs.
“Perhaps, however, I do not think that a mask can protect you from the fear of rejection.” He wonders how much he can get away with saying before you catch on.
“I guess not.” A silence falls between the two of you. Cypher stares at the coin that’s in his hand.
Even if you did like Phoenix, he would be happy, because you would be happy. Whoever you liked, he would be happy. He didn’t care. He didn’t.
“I think that I would write a letter.” You say and Cypher looks back at you quickly as you speak up.
“What?”
“To confess to someone. It’s kind of romantic, and it also makes it feel a bit less intimidating I think. Plus, if they do say yes, it’s something cute that they can keep forever.” You aren’t looking at him. He stops fiddling with the coin.
“Yes, I suppose that is a good point. That is a nice way.” There’s silence again. “Do you… have someone in mind? That you would give a letter to?”
“I think I do.”
There’s a small part of him that hopes it's him, and a far bigger part of him that knows it isn’t.
“Do you have anyone that you would give a letter to, Cypher?”
“I… don’t know. I think that it would be best for me to avoid things like that.” Cypher lies all the time. It’s part of what he does. But even he knows how much you can likely see through him right now. You’re one of the few people he can’t seem to lie to. You frown at him.
“Why?” He tells himself he doesn’t hear the way you sound almost disappointed.
It’s such a simple question that has no simple answer in his mind.
“It is too dangerous. I wouldn’t want to put anyone at risk like that. Knowing me like that is to put a target on yourself.” He’s turned away from you again, flipping the coin once more.
“What if someone was willing to take the risk? If you both felt the same, would it be worth it? I mean, you wouldn’t be dealing with it alone and what if that person could handle themselves anyway?”
You don’t mean yourself. You don’t, he tells himself. This is hypothetical.
“Then perhaps it would be worth it. However, I would put their safety over my feelings. Even if they were willing to take the risk, would it not be selfish of me to let them do that?”
“I don’t think so. I’m sure they would understand the risk if they really loved you. You deserve to love too, don’t you?”
It’s criminal how sincere you sound. The way that your words fill his chest with hope in the same way they suffocate him with it. When he looks over at you again, you’re smiling. He laughs softly, a pathetic little noise that does more to voice his struggle than mirth.
“Maybe,” he starts, “I should get going now. Brimstone needed to speak with me and he should be back by now.” This one isn’t a lie, Brimstone is waiting for him. “Good luck with that letter, y/n.”
“See you around,” you say behind him as he’s walking out the door.
----
That night, he dreams of you.
You’re smiling at him. You raise your hands slowly to his face, stopping at his neck where the bottom of his mask sits. You keep staring at him, eyes full of love and adoration. You pause for a moment, almost like you’re waiting for him to stop you. But he doesn’t. He lets you pull the mask up slowly, giving him every opportunity to resist if he wants to. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to stop you. He wants you to know him. To really know him. To be able to be close to you without worrying about what could happen to you. He wants to be able to let himself do that.
When the mask gets halfway up his face, he closes his eyes. But when he opens them again, he’s back in his room alone. It leaves his chest feeling hollow.
He rubs his eyes and shakes his head. It’s probably early enough to get up now, and even if it wasn’t, he didn’t want to risk having the chance to indulge himself in something that could never happen anyway only to have it ripped away from him again when he woke up.
Then he notices the small envelope on the ground, just in front of his door. He gets out of the bed, puts his mask on, and picks up the letter.
----
You hear a knock at your door. It’s incredibly late, but you weren’t sleeping. You found that the nerves that ate away at you wouldn’t let you. You didn’t regret it though. Even if he didn’t feel the same, he could just ignore the letter. You said so when you wrote it. ‘Should you not feel the same, just throw this out and we never have to mention it again,’ was the last line, written in the neatest black ink writing that your nervous hand would allow.
You get up and walk to the door, taking a steady breath as you turn the handle.
Unsurprisingly, Cypher is standing there, letter in hand.
“Are you sure?” Is all he says, voice tight in his throat.
“Absolutely.”
He wraps his arms around you. You’ve never felt so much emotion conveyed in a single embrace before. His hands grasp at your shoulders like he’s scared you’ll vanish. You hold him close, determined to prove that you’ll be here as long as he’ll let you.
