speed reading or skipping paragraphs is a thing both me and my mom
(amazing person) (had me so late i only knew her as cool old lady) (the only reason me and my half siblings and technically not related at all but fuck that siblings got to grow up as family bc she fought tooth and nail with her exes for it) (and by fought i mean gritted her teeth and was polite to the vindictive assholes bc her exs had money and legal status and connections and an education that translated properly so they could have white color jobs while she was being a single mom below the poverty line working part time jobs still somehow making her kids feel like they lived in a magical wonderland and she was the dragon who'd eat anyone that tried hurting us)
(she died almost a year ago the first anniversary is coming up this is fine)
she grew up also poor af in her home country but her parents sent her to a RICH GIRLS PRIVATE SCHOOL bc her grades were good and this nuclear scientist Doctor Doctor -insert name here- who couldn't do the most simple everyday things (her husband was the same) and was in actual awe of my grandma (who cleaned for them) 's ability to figure out how to hang a picture straight or fix the plumbing
(grandma led her catatonic older sister across an active war zone as a teen and also told stories to my mom about mice who came out at night to read scraps of newspaper she left on the floor for them, she was legally blind and still walking a mile to the local store when i knew her, didn't care a fuck that i didn't know her language and i actually learned several family stories from her somehow)
the Doctor Doctor was convinced my mom would be stifled in a normal school, hence the Everybody Else Here Own A Pony And A Summer House Meanwhile We're Living On The Shack By The House My Dad Is Building For Someone Else situation with mom in rich girls school because of her scores
the thing is, my mom was kinda shit at school
(she almost failed one class bc the professor got pissed she wouldn't treat him like a god as a good student should so she refused to do anything in his class except fight with him and he DID fail her, but the other teachers and principle had her do a test and whoops turns out she'd learned his class better on her own than most of his students hehheheh fifty years later she was still gloating about it)
and this has to do with speed reading and skipping because, in one class, you were supposed to take turns reading out of a book and then later pick a topic to write a paper on
well my mom's turn would come, and bc she was like me, she wouldn't actually read the words. She'd see the shape of the sentence, scan the first letter of every line down the page, add that to the topic at hand, and kinda just FEEEL what the section was about
you'd think someone would notice she wasn't reading it right but she was So Confident and Casual about it i guess everyone just went "well i must be reading it wrong her version sounds right"
until the paper came due, and she was asked to read hers in front of the class
well she hadn't written anything, turns out.
So my mom (who outside of school drifted between wearing boys clothes to scare off her friends exes or leather mini skirts with fishnet stockings and no undies depending on her mood) she picked up a BLANK piece of paper, stood up, and read out the Best, Most Well Thought Out And Insightful Paper her professor had heard all day
good, right? easy peasy pass grade. cheato completo
unfortunately the professor liked it Too much
and they asked. for a copy
So my poor mom had to admit that not only was her brilliant little paper an imaginary thing that didn't exist, she ALSO had to cop to all the OTHER times she hadn't been reading from the book, just to prove to her teacher that her paper WAS fake
(my mom had a real strong if weird sense of integrity. she'd bend the rules into a pretzel, but she hated the idea of being thought of as a Liar, when it was just for personal selfish reasons)
(lying to help someone else was another thing zero fucking hesitation there only gleeful dramatics)
now im not anywhere near my mom in coolness levels, but i also have the thing of skipping around when reading and going by shape and recreating what it might say based on other clues instead of just, seeing each word individually
a lot of the times it works!
it's also why I Can't Get A Driver's License
Reading Manuals Doesn't Work For Me And There's No School Or Instructor Place In Reach So My Can't Drive I'm Gay Credential Is Permanent! It's enforced! I've been assigned pedestrian by whatever the hell seemingly inheritable trait it is that made me and my mom find books in the library via size, color, geographic location and anything OTHER than the gods-damned TITLE!!
(thnx mom) (had to hold the instructions for instant mac and cheese physically in front of my face the entire time it cooked) (you'd have laughed) (i laughed instead tho don't worry) (miss you <3)