Discover Top Posts Tagged with #real basic

me, sitting here, reconsidering this blog from mobile while rose sits in a corner calmly shaping her nails.

#'❋|❋' out (mun speaks)#she plans to paint them a bright pink #with a white tip #real basic rose #real basic

Thought dump #1

Thoughht dump #1. I'm not sure if it's my brain trying to deal with trauma, me being nostalgic, or what... but sometimes I go back. Like I dream of where I used to live as a child and as a teen or something that used to happen. And those years feel so far away, but then will just hit me out of nowhere. It's like getting hit with a car. It's not expected always. And it's pretty painful. Like the bad things I remember about being a kid... those things sting. Things that happened make me feel small and worthless, fearful in the way a child who doesn't know what comes after or what is on the other side feels. Those hurt me to my very being and are things I'm still not ready to process even 20 years or so later. And the good things hurt, too. Feeling good or peaceful or happy were rare, but sooo treasured. I like to look at toys I used to play with or that I wanted. It's funny to me now to think about how I was as a kid. They remind me of the imagination I have and used to have and all the different ways I would escape the things that almost broke me. And it's random things that can trigger it. Book covers, certain materials, smells... when the light hits the outside in a certain way. Like seeing a playground in July when the suns just starting to really set. The chill summer air, the stillness of it all because everyone's gone home for dinner. And I think about the fun I used to have and how big and exciting and almost magical things used to be... and that hurts, too. Like looking at the face of my father, who is almost 70. That man made my childhood and teen years pretty wonderful, as weird and eccentric as he was with all his brokenness and quirks, he always tried when it came to me. He's not my big strong, can fix it all, knows everything dad anymore, though. Now he is old and skinny and very tired. He's quick to anger and very irritable. I can tell he isn't feeling well and his mind is starting to slip. And that hurts me in a way I cannot describe, a way that takes me straight to tears. That pains me to my core. I'm not ready to lose him in anyway and it hurts to visit or see him or my mom because the decline of a loved one in being is watching something you love begin to slip away, with no real way of stopping it or holding on to it. I'm not even going to go into the guilt I feel in loving my father because of what he has done to others, but never to me. I know that I knew a different man than a lot of people did. We spent so much time together. My adult life has been people none stop showing me that I can, in fact, live my life just fine without them. I don't need anyone, but to say I don't want them there would be a lie. I cannot wrap my head around life without my father, or mother, honestly. My mother filled every role in my life a mother should, really. But I haven't ever felt connected to my mom beyond a mother's role. I hate that, but it is what it is. My relationship with my mother is a huge reason I never want to have children. I know how unstable I am and I know I wouldn't be able to be a functioning adult for a child the way a child needs a mother to be. I might be able to do what I need to do and make myself get out of bed and take care of them on my bad days, but a child needs more than a mother who can only do the bare minimum and only sometimes. I can't even guarantee bare-minimum care to myself.

#thought dump #thoughts #prose #real basic #sourirepoetry #sourirethoughts #me

uhhhh anybody know where is that face generator

#it's like #all faces straight on #real basic #i Need It

10 Questions!

I was tagged by @lilplummerbob to do this! Unfortunately, I won’t be tagging SPECIFIC people, but if you want to, you can go for it! Also, you have to make up your own questions. It’s a whole thing, anywhozies.

1) What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?

Doll repainting. I honestly think it looks like SO much fun but it gets to be v pricy and it takes a lot of time to do...sooooo.

2) What is the most annoying habit that other people have?

WHEN THEY CALL MEXICAN FOOD TEX-MEX. This is the dumbest thing to get annoyed about. But I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona and would go to these little hole-in-the-wall restaurants out in the ghetto area and they had the most bomb mexican food. Where I live now, the predominant population is white. Also, most of them live in the suburbs so there’s all these KARENS going and getting “mexican” food at like costa vida!!! ITS SO DUMB TO GET ANGRY ABOUT BUT I DO. moving on

3) What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend?

Mmmm...just kinda doin’ my own thing. A little bit of everything, you know? Some music, some sims, some WoW, some netflix, some exercise, ya

4) What TV show or Movie do you refuse to watch?

I don’t really have any tbh??? Like, I won’t watch GoT, but that’s just because the whole incest and sex thing ya know? Like, I’m not gonna judge you if you like it because EVERYONE does, and I’m sure I would like it too. I just have chosen not to because of personal reasons ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5) What is the most annoying question that people ask you?

Are you sad? or also, Are you okay? Like, I get WHY people ask me this because I have resting sad face. I have these big sad brown eyes and a downturned mouth, but that doesn’t mean I’m sad! I promise I’m a-okay, unless I’m breaking down into tears and THEN you can ask me if I’m sad.

6) What’s worth spending more on to get the best?

Computers and electronics. I have a Macbook that I bought and most people blah blah blah about macs but I bought it because I want it to last me through COLLEGE. Macs tend to last, in my families experience.

7) How different was your life 1 year ago?

Oooo, I was just exiting kinda a dark place in my life. Nothing external of course, all internal. I was (still am) finally on anti-anxiety/depression meds, and was beginning to feel comfortable with myself. It’s still a daily thing to not hate myself, but I’ve gotten better. I don’t have bad thoughts about my body as much anymore. I’m just happier now.

8) What is something you would NEVER do again?

A ropes course. I hate heights so much and the entire time I was 30 feet in the air, I was on the verge of tears and I fell THREE times. I was harnessed in and everything, but you do fall for like a second and it terrified me everytime. Never again. NEVER.

9) What stereotype do you completely live up to?

Ummmmmm....i dunno? Boring nerd I guess? I’m not interesting enough for a stereotype :/

10) The most memorable gift you’ve received?

When I was in 6th grade, my sister and I got a joint gift. A dog. She has been my most favorite gift ever. I love her SOOOOOO much <3

#about me #billie rants #ummmm ya #kinda boring #real basic #ya

omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg i think i’m gonna do physics as my elective i’m so excited ;) ;) ;)

i did physics in yr 11 but i didn’t do well and i just didn’t get it tbh but i think my teacher was really bad, and i am determined to get a distinction average

#just a super duper intro course #real basic #but still #uni shit