The cat-transformation spell!
So we had the dog spell
But let's be honest, noone wants to be like a dog if they can be like a cat!
I'll tell you how in this post-and the best thing is: You don't even need their eyeballs (Take this, dog spell!)
1. The Claws
Let's start off with the easiest one
You need:
Patience
How to cast:
Just stop cutting your nails and take care they don't break. (On advanced magic-level you can use a grindstone to itensify the cat feeling)
2. The Whiskers
Now I can already hear you say "Hold on, this is by far more easiet than the claws?" But false! Of course you can simply tape wires onto your cheek-but this won't do it the magical way, our goal is to become a real cat and that ain't working with no fake whiskers!
You need:
More patience
A cat
How to cast:
You can do two things at once! You watch your cat and learn all its behaviour, study it in every move and when it looses a whisker, get it!
Might take up to 10 years or 15 cats but is definetly worth it! Only the real deal gives the sneel feel!
3. The purring
Cats are very cute-but they wouldn't be by far our favorite assholes if they couldn't purr.
You need:
Two phones
A plastic bag
How to cast:
Now this is something tricky, you wanna do it right so you put one phone into the plastic back and swallow it (don't choke tho). Make sure you turned on the vibration before. Everytime you feel like purring now, you call yourself! Positive side effect: you'll also vomit like a cat!
After about two days the phone should come out again and you can charge it.
Easy version: stick a vibrator up your ass and learn how to activate it with your sphincter.
4. The Mood
You got all you need to physically be a cat! But hold on-there's still the need for the right mental state.
You need:
A magazine ("The Worlds 20 Richest People")
A Cold Shower
A sturdy alarm clock
Lactose Intolerance
How to cast:
Cats are fluffy and cute right? Right! But they're not simply fluffballs, they're grumpy fluffballs. So the best way to start of is by looking at what other people have and compare it to your own, normal life.
But we don't want you to fall outta role just because you're not home anymore. Cold showers will do the trick, maybe then you'll get why cats hate water.
Last thing is your alarm clock. Your very own nemesis. Cats sleep much but never really deep so its your mission to spend at least 13 hours a day in bed but don't sleeo more than 20 minutes in a row.
5. The Transformation
After you completed all other points, it's time for you to start your new life as the human cat!
For this you practice the Black Ritual but with writing the word "Cat" above the candle and concentrate on yourself as a cat from now on.
After about ten minutes, you can open your eyes and will have traded your soul for a cat soul!
Your old soul will prolly help building one of Satans many castles but don't worry about that-you're a cat now, the world is yours!
And as a cat, you can use all the fresh new superpowers like:
-Hunting laserpointers
-Placing dead birds in front of your door
-Jumping out the window and landing on your feet (not recommended)
You can also randomly bite people now-they will hate you but fuck it, you are a cat! You hate them even more!
Your only natural enemy is milk!
Kids will love you!
You'll become up to 14 years old!
Your urin shines under black light!
You don't have to pay Taxes! You can easily rip the Taxman!
You'll be prayed to by very old egypts!
You're fast as fuck but noone can tell how fast because you're also too small to discover!
You can climb on everything made of leather!
So many positive aspects-and you didn't lose your colour vision!
Effort: 3/5
Difficulty: 4/5