Peter Solarz
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Andulka
noise dept.
we're not kids anymore.
cherry valley forever
@theartofmadeline
Cosimo Galluzzi
RMH
Stranger Things
DEAR READER
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
trying on a metaphor
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
titsay
No title available
Show & Tell
Three Goblin Art
JBB: An Artblog!
hello vonnie
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@herbal-dragons
Bugfix Spell
Since Tumblr ain't fixing shit, we gotta do it ourselves
You need:
Tumblr
Speaking ability
How to cast
Close your eyes and concentrate on a perfect world. Then say 10 times in a row "Alakazamaking it better"
Open your eyes
Delete the app
Effort: 1/5
Difficulty: 1/5
The cat-transformation spell!
So we had the dog spell
But let's be honest, noone wants to be like a dog if they can be like a cat!
I'll tell you how in this post-and the best thing is: You don't even need their eyeballs (Take this, dog spell!)
1. The Claws
Let's start off with the easiest one
You need:
Patience
How to cast:
Just stop cutting your nails and take care they don't break. (On advanced magic-level you can use a grindstone to itensify the cat feeling)
2. The Whiskers
Now I can already hear you say "Hold on, this is by far more easiet than the claws?" But false! Of course you can simply tape wires onto your cheek-but this won't do it the magical way, our goal is to become a real cat and that ain't working with no fake whiskers!
You need:
More patience
A cat
How to cast:
You can do two things at once! You watch your cat and learn all its behaviour, study it in every move and when it looses a whisker, get it!
Might take up to 10 years or 15 cats but is definetly worth it! Only the real deal gives the sneel feel!
3. The purring
Cats are very cute-but they wouldn't be by far our favorite assholes if they couldn't purr.
You need:
Two phones
A plastic bag
How to cast:
Now this is something tricky, you wanna do it right so you put one phone into the plastic back and swallow it (don't choke tho). Make sure you turned on the vibration before. Everytime you feel like purring now, you call yourself! Positive side effect: you'll also vomit like a cat!
After about two days the phone should come out again and you can charge it.
Easy version: stick a vibrator up your ass and learn how to activate it with your sphincter.
4. The Mood
You got all you need to physically be a cat! But hold on-there's still the need for the right mental state.
You need:
A magazine ("The Worlds 20 Richest People")
A Cold Shower
A sturdy alarm clock
Lactose Intolerance
How to cast:
Cats are fluffy and cute right? Right! But they're not simply fluffballs, they're grumpy fluffballs. So the best way to start of is by looking at what other people have and compare it to your own, normal life.
But we don't want you to fall outta role just because you're not home anymore. Cold showers will do the trick, maybe then you'll get why cats hate water.
Last thing is your alarm clock. Your very own nemesis. Cats sleep much but never really deep so its your mission to spend at least 13 hours a day in bed but don't sleeo more than 20 minutes in a row.
5. The Transformation
After you completed all other points, it's time for you to start your new life as the human cat!
For this you practice the Black Ritual but with writing the word "Cat" above the candle and concentrate on yourself as a cat from now on.
After about ten minutes, you can open your eyes and will have traded your soul for a cat soul!
Your old soul will prolly help building one of Satans many castles but don't worry about that-you're a cat now, the world is yours!
And as a cat, you can use all the fresh new superpowers like:
-Hunting laserpointers
-Placing dead birds in front of your door
-Jumping out the window and landing on your feet (not recommended)
You can also randomly bite people now-they will hate you but fuck it, you are a cat! You hate them even more!
Your only natural enemy is milk!
Kids will love you!
You'll become up to 14 years old!
Your urin shines under black light!
You don't have to pay Taxes! You can easily rip the Taxman!
You'll be prayed to by very old egypts!
You're fast as fuck but noone can tell how fast because you're also too small to discover!
You can climb on everything made of leather!
So many positive aspects-and you didn't lose your colour vision!
Effort: 3/5
Difficulty: 4/5
Healing Spell
You will need:
* Saffron
* Rosemary
* Star Anise
* Ginger
* Lavender oil
* Peppermint oil
* Glass container
* Candle
* Water
* Bowl
How to cast:
1. Take 1/4 cup of each of your spices and mix them into a bowl. Make sure that they are ground into a fine powder
2. Gradually add water till it becomes a paste, then add 10-15 drops of each of your oils
3. Put mixture into a glass container of your choosing
4. Warm it up by hovering it over your lit candle. This will take a while, but it needs to be a slow cook
To use:
Rub the mixture on whatever part of your body needs the healing. For an example- if your head hurts, rub it on your forehead
This will still work if you do not have it warm, but it is recommended for at least the first time. It can be stored in the jar for later use.
DO NOT CONSUME- although everything is edible, it is not recommended you eat this. That’s gross
Effort: 3/5
Difficulty: 2/5
Do you have any nice lust spells? I was thinking about something to "rekindle" the fire a person used to feel for me... Thanks!
Stand in a dark room in front of an unlit candle.“Pulse to pulse and flesh to flesh, Mouth to mouth and eye to eye, One flame still and the other shall thresh, One flame relighting where it had once died.“Light the candle. Picture that person in your mind’s eye. Hear their voice, feel their hand,etc.Say the person’s name in the flame three times, but speak it as a soft whisper you would give to a lover. Sprinkle in and around the flame a ground mixture of Orris root and licorice root. If you can find neither, Allspice will do in a pinch. Once again, speak into the fire. “My face shall burn in your mind and my voice will set you ablaze and my touch will drive you mad. Stray not from my fire. Feel my presence always.”
I'm really ugly, spoke the spell 3 times
Girl died in fire the next day
4/5
Life detection spell
Ever wanted to know if someones in the room next to you without looking? You can with this spell!
You need:
1 glas
1 bottle Liquor
1 pair of goggles
See through blue paper
4 candles
How to cast:
Cut the paper right so it fits on the inside of the goggles, then drink liquor until you're lowkey drunk (CAUTION! Alcohol can be dangerous, don't drink too much bc it's not instantly working, take your time)
Then put on the goggles and sit down in the middle of a dark room, place the candles on all 4 sides around you.
Close your eyes and concentrate on the noises around you (preferably turn off all TVs/Radios)
After 5 minutes of concentrating open your eyes again, you'll see a shimmer whenever you look at a wall with another person/bigger animal in a distance of 10 feet.
The spell will end if you take off the goggles, the alcohol stops working (CAUTION AGAIN! Don't drink again to keep the spell activated, this will end its effects as well) or automatically after about 2 hours.
What's this spell for?
Its useful if:
You wanna rob a bank (Any money gained with this spell has a tax of 20%, to pay to one of the owners of this blog of your choice)
You wanna sneak out at night
Your parents don't lock the bathroom door and you're ashamed to look whether they're in they're now or not
You wanna impress your friends
What do I do when it stops working?
Cast it again
If it didn't completely stop yet, you can cast the Timebending spell to set back the spell to factory settings
Effort: 2/5
Difficulty: 2/5
(Life detection spell is an idea by Bethesda game studios, for occuring bugs, blurred wall textures or randomly being stucked between two objects, please contact the developers)
BE A DOG? WOW! OMG! SPELLS
Have YOU ever wanted to really connect with your dog?? See how they see? smell like they smell? Run super fast? Have the urge to lick yours and other people’s asses??
Well, maybe witchcraft is the solution for you! Go big or go home, am I right?
Disclaimer: None of the members of this account recommend that you do any of these. This is a joke; please don’t do them.
Lets start with vision
Why the fuck would you want to see like a dog? They cant even see all of the colors?? Idk, but I can help you out.
You will need:
Candles
The eyeballs of a dog (how you obtain them is up to you. just make sure they still can work)
Eyedrops
Pain Reliever
A medical professional
Pen
Paper
How to cast:
This is intense for the common sorcerer but it CAN be done. Light the candles so the room has a nice atmosphere. Use the pen and paper to write down everything you’d do with your new vision and find a medical professional.
Give the Dr. the paper that you wrote and the two dog eyes. To see like a dog, you need to be part dog. (if you get what I’m hinting at)
There’s a good chance the Dr. will find you crazy and not go through with this spell!! That’s ok! This is a normal response to a situation like this!
If the Dr. does agree… don’t. Just stop. But i guess if you go through with it, moisten those eyes with eyedrops and load up on the pain reliever! It’ll be a rough recovery
Smell
Ah yes, dogs can smell very well. As most of you know, a dogs sense of smell comes in great use on the daily. And now you,
Yes you,
You can have the same smelling ability as a dog (wow)
You will need:
Spices. Like a shit ton.
Rosemary
Mint
Cinnamon
Pepper
Basil
Chili powder
Garlic powder
Cocaine (if you wanna spice it up ;). You’ll understand later)
Tissue
snorting tool
flat surface
How to cast:
This one isn’t magic, unfortunately. This one requires practice.
You just need to snort them all
Not all at once, of course. The point of snorting them is to get familiar with the scents. The more familiar you are with them, the easier it will be for you to recognize them.
Soon enough, you’ll be able to smell/ recognize different scents from miles away! (if this doesn’t fuck up your nose)
Now you may ask- ‘isn’t there an easier way?’ Nope. There isn’t. Tough it out.
Super Running Speed
Now this one; this one is useful.
You will need:
pictures of fast people (Ex- Usain Bolt)
6 candles
little bit of dog hair
black paint (preferably acrylic because it is easy to clean up)
basic knowledge of latin or google translate
How to cast:
This is next level witchcraft so if this one doesn’t work on your first try, that is ok. I wouldn’t expect this spell to work on everyone.
Firstly, take your black paint and make a pentagram. Place a candle of each of the corners and one in the middle.
Then, take your pictures of the fast people and place them in each of the 5 points of the pentagram. They can all be the same person, but it is more beneficial to use different people.
Next, say “zoom zoom fast yes lets go run quick zoom zoom” 25 times in latin. I’m not going to give you the latin translation, because that is too much work to look up. Too lazy for that shit.
Lastly, as you are saying the last round of the latin sentence, burn the little bit of dog hair you have with the candle placed in the middle.
You should now be able to run as fast as a dog can, but if not, try putting your arms back and running like Naruto. In some cases, that helps to activate the spell.
Anus Licking??
As hard as it is for me to say, this isn’t magic. This is just a kinky thing people do to spice up their sex life. If you’re into that, by all means go for it.
Overall
Effort: 5/5
Difficulty: 6/5
Time Bending Spell
You will need:
A watch (Preferably one that is 10+ years of age)
3 candles
paper
pen
spices of your preference (Pumpkin Spice if you’re in the holiday mood)
pink salt
How to cast:
Take your three candles, arrange them into a triangle, light them, and set the watch in the middle. Make sure the candles are all evenly spaced away from the watch.
Take your paper and cut it up into as many pieces as you desire. Then write why you want the time to change. [Ex- I wish it was 9:00 pm so I could sleep.] Burn these with the candles you lit in the previous step.
When all is done, sprinkle spices and salt around so it appears you are doing something satanic (this sets the over all mood), and say- “I will be able to change time” 8 times fast. Remove the watch from the middle when you are ready.
Whatever time you set on the watch will be the ‘new time’
Effort: 3/5
Difficulty: 1/5
“bitch, be gone” powder
ingredients: cinnamon black pepper rosemary sage garlic salt chamomile
combine, grind, and sprinkle around doors and windows to banish unwanted energy and to prevent the entrance of these energies in the future
Used black pepper on eyes, bitch was gone
5/5
Courage and Confidence Jar Spell
Here is the first part of my new jar/bottle spell series. I tend to make these charms in tiny bottles meant to be held on necklaces, so they typically don’t involve very large objects.
For this spell, I used…
amethyst shards (for courage)
rosemary herb ( for courage)
sea salt (for protection and power)
cinnamon powder (for happiness, strength, and success)
tigers eye shards (for truth, courage, and strength)
thyme herb (for courage)
sage herb (for self confidence)
crushed/dried rose petals (for self love and confidence)
Feel free to use as many of these ingredients or as few as you like; substitute items, replace them, and add your own! Let me know how it goes ❤️❤️
- Mod Aria
(more jar spells!)
Wore this in public, got bullied
1/5
A Spell for Fitness Motivation
If you’re like me, you start working out and after a month – or when you go on vacation, or get super busy – you lose your motivation. You stop working out. And then, in about three to four months, you start the cycle all over and it’s like you’ve never worked out a day in your life. Frustrating, right?
Well, luckily, if you’re still like me, you do ~witchy things~, there are some things you can do to help keep that motivation going. Oh yeah, magic is awesome. Now that I’ve said that, let me clarify: this spell isn’t going to “work like magic”. You’re not suddenly going to become a super fit gym and/or yoga rat. You’ll still have to work for it. But, with this spell, your desire to quit will be replaced with invigoration!
(There’s also the added bonus of this being a very practical fitness mat cleaner… two birds, one stone.)
You’ll Need:
Rain water
Sandalwood Essential Oil
Coconut Oil
Spray bottle
Begin with rain water. Ensure that is filtered. It doesn’t need to be drinking quality, but as this is a cleaner, it certainly shouldn’t be dirty either. Add one to two small spoonfuls of coconut oil. Pop in the microwave for 30 seconds, stirring halfway through. Then add 0.5mL (about 12 drops) of sandalwood essential oil. Stir clockwise. As always, remind yourself of your intent. Performing this spell post-workout would be great since you’ll be in the workout mindset already.
Once complete, pour mixture into a spray bottle.
^ That’s mine. I would actually recommend a glass spray bottle, but plastic works too! Glass will just help it stay fresh longer (and its better for the environment).
Then, spray the shit out of your fitness mat. And by that, I mean give it a few generous little squirts. Then, take a damp towel and lightly scrub your mat. Let it dry (and this is important because coconut oil is slippery, so if you don’t get some of it rubbed in with the cloth, you could hurt yourself by slipping).
While it’s drying, you might choose to take a seated meditation pose on the mat. Or, if you’re in a rush, no worries. Just continue on with your day and come to your mat tomorrow! The important thing is to return to the mat, even for a couple of minutes, within the next 12 to 24 hours from its cleaning. This will solidify the spell.
Once the spell is complete, relax. Enjoy!
Associates, Substitutions, and Tips: here, rain water is used as the primary carrier for the ingredients. It’s not doing a lot of magic on its own but plays a supporting role for the other ingredients. As such, it can be subbed for any other sort of water. The coconut oil serves as an antibacterial to clean the mat and has the associations of strength or willpower. You can sub this for another nut oil (such as sunflower or grapeseed) or for witch hazel oil. I would not recommend using olive, vegetable, or canola oil. Sandalwood is an invigorating and protective oil, but it can be substituted with any essential oil that makes you feel strong and motivated. Only use this spell when your mat is in need of cleaning.
Doesn't rain here, used urine
Disgusted by smell, gained 10 pounds
1/5
TrebleAtlas' wicked Spells for Halloween
Episode 1-The Black Ritual [Classic]
You need:
1L goat blood
a dark room
6 candles
A black sharpie
Paper
Pen
How to cast:
Draw a pentagram on the ground, place the candles on all edges and one in the middle.
Paint the space inside the pentagram with the blood, then write the name of the person you wanna curse above the pentagram.
Concentrate on the person, write the bad things you wish to happen to them on a piece of paper (one piece for one thing) and burn them at the candle in the mid.
Effort: 2/5
Difficulty: 1/5
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
My bitches are witches
