after 10 months.... an open letter for you
hey. I was this close. this close kasi nalaman mo yung url ko dito. pero somehow, parang gusto ko na din na malaman mo tas basahin mo na yung content ng account na to para magkaalaman na. mejo napapagod na din kasi ako. pero dont get me wrong. di ako na nunumbat. its just that nahihirapan na akong itago to. nahihirapan na ako na sa bawat araw na kasama kita, kahit nakakausap kita, alam kong malayo ka pa din sken. pasok sa banga yung salita na so close yet so faraway. another thing, masakit na din. nakaksira ng ulo. nakakaloka sa tuwing naiisip ko yung mga bagay bagay. mga bagay bagay sa tuwing di mo ako nirereplyan sa text, sa messages and kung ano pang communication line natin lalo na for the past 2 days which is very unlikely of you. i can really feel that there is something going on. ang sakit lang, kasi alam ko, na kahit anong tumbling ang gawin ko, kahit kumain ako ng bubog walang pwedeng mangyari. walang pwedeng maganap. kahit na nung maraming pagkakataon na pwede kong sabihin na umasa ako. kahit na may mga pagkakataon na baka pwede nga kaso baka inassume ko lang. aminado naman ako na malabo pa din yung gusto kong mangyari. and wala akong balak ipilit sayo yun kung ayaw mo. and if kung tama man ako na there is something going on ngayon, then maybe its time to say goodbye again to these feelings but not to our friendship. isa rin siguro sa dahilan kung bakit hindi ko masabi sayo noon kasi dahil na din sa mga nakataya. masyadong crucial. ayokong makita kang lumayo. ayoko na mabulilyaso ang buhay mo dahil sa pagiging makasarili ko.
theres just some things na gusto ko for you. though i wished na ako sa na ang makapagbigay sayo nito, i just want for someone to do this for me. the right someone for you. i want you to be happy. i want you to be safe always. gusto ko na makita na nagagawa mo lahat ng gusto mong gawin sa buhay. gusto ko busog ka. HAHAHA (yes seryoso ako dun, makain mo lahat ng gusto mo lalo na yung cravings mo and natin), gusto ko na makita na matupad mo yung pangarap mo na malibot yung mundo. I REALLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE AND MAMATAY NA (OR KUNG MEJO HARSH, MAWALA SA BUHAY MO) LAHAT NG TAO NA PWEDENG MANANAKIT SAYO. hindi ko kayang sikmurain na nag give up ako sayo para lang makita na malungkot o nasasaktan. I cant.
i just want to thank you for the times you made me feel loved. the times that made me feel ecstatic. times when you made me feel that i was special for somebody (kahit baka inassume ko lang), times when you showed that you really cared, times when you made me feel that i was that important for someone. the times you made me feel high, for being a true friend, for the excitement in life, you made me want to take risk in this life. you were that special to me. enough to make me risk everything for me however i cannot assume that you would like the same thing risked for you, in your life. there are not enough words to describe what i feel right now and to describe what you made me feel for the past 10 months of this year. those were some of the best 10 months of my 2 decades of life. maybe this time was not for me. maybe next time. next time hopefully with you again. YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST GANDA. I WILL STILL BE HERE FOR YOU. AND WILL LOVE YOU. (THIS IS ACTUALLY A REAL RISK KASI BAKA MABASA MO PA DIN. PERO BAHALA NA. KAILANGAN KO LANG TALAGA NG OUTLET. CHEERS.)