In the Wrong
I'm currently just starting a lifetime life changer. Something that will probably take me about 10 years to take total effect. I'm okay with that. Ten years is going to pass whether I'm doing this or not so why not do something that could potentially be the greatest thing in my life? This life changer includes my now Boyfriend. He's done alot of talking and I'm really trying to do my best to be understanding maybe I'm heartless, maybe I'm cold, I don't want to think that those are possible but I don't feel like his words are matching his actions and it's not instilling alot of confidence for what I had currently pictured for my future.
I feel like we've been not fighting, but at odds with eachother over really important things. My heart is battling with my brain. I swear the second someone, anyone does something that makes me have to re-evaluate my relationship with them I'm usually right. I don't want to be right this time but I can already feel myself putting distance between us. And it's breaking my heart.
I know my value and I don't want to settle. I have already done alot regarding this life changing decision but I don't feel like he's willing. Tonight as we were in front of his house I finally said a little bit of what was on my mind. The decision and work I will be doing is leading me onto the road of complete and total financial freedom. (for reference) I told my boyfriend after hearing out all his doubts about it that this is something we need to do together. If he decided to quit while I continue on and within the next decade or two and we're married. I will suddenly have all this free time with which is supposed to be spent with a partner and building a strong marriage and not giving my time to make money. I asked him this,"If and when I become free and you decide to quit where does that leave me while you are still working?"
The answer is really quite simple. It leaves me angry and bitter and questioning why I am even with him. Because when he gets home from wherever the hell he's working I'm not getting the best of him. He'll be tired and bringing his work into our marriage. He won't be someone I know.
So yes my heart is breaking and this is my realization:
I lied. If he doesn't have the same level of commitment as me, the same ambition, we're just not going to make it.
