Since my no-frills Steve Cortez romance run was doomed to be a little cursed because I started doing only the required missions and would therefore not get anywhere near the amount of War Assets I'd need to do the "perfect Destroy" ending, I decided to get a little creative. And I think I gave it one of my favorite 100% totes serious, absolutely legit headcanons so far!
It all starts as Shep, Kaidan and James are making a final desperate run to get to the Citadel. Then Harbinger arrives and flips a death pancake Mako at our heroes!
Harbinger: "Death pancake arriving in 3...2...1..." *blows loud Reaper horn to celebrate*
OH NOES! We need an extraction by the Normandy, STAT!
But how can we keep Harbinger from destroying the Normandy with his giant, angry, red death laser of death???
Shepard: "Don't worry, I'll distract him! HEY, HARBINGER! WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT A BIG OL' JUICY BAG OF DIC--"
Shepard: "--TIONARIES!"
Kaidan: *groans in emotional pain* "Oh no, he promised he'd never use the 'bag of dictionaries' line ever again!" James: "Hang in there, buddy, we'll get through this together. For Earth!"
Harbinger: "WHAT? I hate dictionaries!!!!!!" *completely misses the Normandy escaping right under his, errrr, nose*
Harbinger: "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, SHEPARD!" *red death laser of serious anger management issues*
GotWrek'd!Shepard: "Heh. Totally worth it. What a loser! And speaking of losers... Annoying Star Child, do you know of a way where I could make Harbinger's day, like, 10,000 percent worse?"
Star Child: *sigh* "Follow me to the Fun o'matic machine."
And, after a quick spin in the Fun o'matic machine...
Reaper!Shepard: "Hey, Harbinger!"
Harbinger: *grudgingly* "Yes, boss?"
Reaper!Shepard: "How 'bout you get started on that big, ol' juicy bag of dic...tionaries I brought you? Assuming..."
Harbinger: "No, don't say it!"
Reaper!Shepard: "...direct control."
Harbinger: *flies away with a high-pitched scream*
💖The end 💖














