I need a lot of help. I think I'm a lesbian but I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I love him as a person but we haven't had sex in about 7 months. I don't know what to do. this is eating me up on the inside and I have BPD so I've begun self harming again. I just feel so guilty every time I think about leaving him. we live together and sleep in the same bed. I just don't know what to do anymore. my anxiety is making this all worse. tag as reboot7 please.
Hi dear, That sounds like it is a really rough situation. Our sexuality is not something that we have control over. It is not a choice and it is not something you can turn off or change. The thing is, it can take some time to figure out exactly what your sexuality is. I thought I was bisexual at first and then I realized that I was gay. The thing is, when you are a lesbian or just attracted to certain gender, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have romantic feelings for someone who isn't a girl. If you aren't romantically or sexually satisfied, you can't be happy in that relationship. And from what you said, this is tearing you apart to the point that you are self harming and that is really really not good. These kinds of things are hard. Breaking up with someone you have dated for 4 years is never an easy task. But this is about your happiness and overall well being. Your happiness is the thing that matters most here. Plus, if you aren't happy, your significant other will pick up on that and not be happy as well. The relationship you are in can not last, from what you have said. I know it is hard. But think about the anxiety and depression or other feelings you are having because of this. Honestly, it is at the point where it is probably better sooner than later. I don't want you to be stuck in a relationship that is doing that to you. I think you really need to sit down and talk to him about what is going on. Honest communication is key. I hope that everything ends up okay. Let me know if I can help any more. Remember to breathe, Jori