#relationshiops

[paigeypaige19]

I'll never be in love with anyone again who isn't you.

Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows

[soulmates-twinflames]

Standing alone means I am strong enough to handle things by myself.

  http://www.relationshipsreality.com

[subgirlygirl]

Dominant Prompts #56

I’m going to take a different tack with this. Obviously (to most) I’m not dominant, so I’m not the target demographic for these questions. But in an ongoing effort to show people that you can (and should!) generalize information to fit your gender and dynamic needs, I’ll flip things up a bit and answer the questions from my perspective.

Regarding disobedience, what is the difference between an excuse and an explanation?

The difference between an excuse and an explanation is where truth and intent lie. The foundation of our relationship lives in that space. Explanation is communication, while an excuse is, for me, a failure to plan, execute, or otherwise do something I knew I was supposed to do. I need my dominant partner to not only understand the difference, I need him to be attuned to the nuances that exist in a life shared outside the bedroom. Life throws curve balls, and that might affect my getting from point A to point B in a timely manner. But if that curve ball was caused by poor planning on my part… well, too bad! Should’ve planned better, girl.

More often that not, disobedience can be avoided by talking; if something is unclear or I disagree with it, I know I can’t wait until after to speak my mind. In the successful relationships I’ve had, I was always free to speak; I may not have gotten the result I was hoping for, but the communication left zero room for mishaps. I’m an honest person who knows what a successful D/s relationship looks and feels like. I need a strict partner, one who recognizes excuses and wouldn't tolerate them, but who also knows I don’t ever want to ‘get away’ with anything.

How do you handle each one, and is correction necessary when the explanation is valid?

I need someone who demonstrates consistency and follow-through. That’s it. If you’re wishy-washy, I’m out. I’ll lose respect for you (see: my last relationship); and if there’s no respect, the relationship is a goner. The punishment itself is irrelevant. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter - it absolutely does. I’m saying that consistency and follow-through matter more.

That said, use logic when dealing with an explanation. An excuse? Punish away! But if the explanation is valid, punishment might not be warranted. I didn’t drink enough water because the jugs were empty and I was too busy to leave work? Fine, 20% more the next few days to make up for it. I wasn’t supposed to spend any money but decided to bring cupcakes to the baby shower? Great, that was very thoughtful… but no cupcake for you, ask first next time. I was supposed to masturbate before getting out of bed this morning but I totally forgot? No problem. No self-pleasuring for the entire week. Wait, what-

Use logic. It came factory installed, use it.

Are there times when a submissive’s suggestions are helpful, or is topping from the bottom always unwelcome?

This is a logical fallacy called circular reasoning and it is W-R-O-N-G. That’s not what ‘topping from the bottom’ means. ‘Topping from the bottom’ is a manipulation tactic employed by a submissive or ‘bottom’ who acts in a certain way to elicit a particular result. The dominant or ‘top’ bases their decisions on information (words, body language, etc.) provided by the submissive, but the decision is tainted by choreographed/designed information. 

Example: I know when a belt strapping is really going to start hurting and, for whatever reason, I’m not up for it that night. Doesn’t matter if it’s punishment or play, I don’t want it. Instead of telling my dominant ‘I don’t think I can handle this tonight because ___ happened and my mind is in a bad place,’ I decide to ‘take’ the strapping for a few minutes then really amp up the crying - really get the tears going hard! - to make him think he’s affected me in a way he hasn’t. He stops the strapping sooner than typical; and yes, while stopping was his choice, he did so based on manipulated information.

Ok, then. Are there times when a submissive’s suggestions are helpful? I sure as shit hope so! If you’re into this for nothing more than your own satisfaction, then by all means - do what you want without any input from your partner. But if you want to learn your partner, learn what works for them and, ultimately, for both of you, their input is important. It doesn’t mean you have to take every suggestion and make it law, but they’re suggesting it for a reason. Listen.

[mindinthevoid]

When you give yourself to someone who does not respect you...

You surrender pieces of your soul that you will never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop trying. If someone wants you in their life, they will find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they do not care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think it is too hard to let go until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, "Why did I not do this sooner?"

[travelintothetruth]

Life decision : spend time and build relationships with people that inspire me.

Connect with people through shared passions

Find the places of intersection and develop there

Friendships would be more meaningful that way

(this thought appears so many times in my journals)

[sarahseaglass-blog]

10 reasons why Americans love the Brits.

10 reasons why Americans love the Brits.

It’s no secret. Americans are in love with the Brits.   But why exactly? Here is a definitive list of things that my husband and I think are the most irresistible qualities that he and his fellow Brits posses. Sarcasm– “Lets face it there is nobody else in the world that can do sarcasm in the specific way the British can. We’re so good at it you don’t even realize it’s happening.”says the…

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[aurorawhorealis-blog1]

Hey aurora i need help. I have a 2 friends who both recently got back with ex's that were clearly not good for them and they think that they're meant to be, and maybe they are, but i just dont understand how you could go back to someone who is so toxic to your life

Sorry if you sent this a long time ago, I’ve been out of minutes on my pigeon phone for a while now, but we’re back in action; you know how it goes.

Anyway, you’ve always gotta remember that your number one job as a friend is to be supportive. No matter what you think is best for your friends (and who knows, you may even be right), what they do with their own life is ultimately up to them. Your prerogative is to be there for them through whatever comes their way.

At the same time, however, you need to be honest. If their S.O. does something fucked up, you need to make sure that your friend is fully aware of the severity of it. Sometimes love can be blinding, so you need to be their unobstructed eyes. Just make sure to not be overbearing; make your opinion known and then move on. It can be hard to see a friend suffering, but remember as much as you think you know what’s best for them, so does your friend.

Conclusion: be supportive, but be honest. Try to keep your negative comments to yourself as much as possible unless you’re asked or something really bad is happening. It’s terrible having to sit back and watch, but your friend has to make their own decisions.

Hope that helps, let me know if you ever need anything else! I’m back on the minutes now.

-Aurora

[mental-health-advice]

I need a lot of help. I think I'm a lesbian but I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I love him as a person but we haven't had sex in about 7 months. I don't know what to do. this is eating me up on the inside and I have BPD so I've begun self harming again. I just feel so guilty every time I think about leaving him. we live together and sleep in the same bed. I just don't know what to do anymore. my anxiety is making this all worse. tag as reboot7 please.

Hi dear, That sounds like it is a really rough situation. Our sexuality is not something that we have control over. It is not a choice and it is not something you can turn off or change. The thing is, it can take some time to figure out exactly what your sexuality is. I thought I was bisexual at first and then I realized that I was gay. The thing is, when you are a lesbian or just attracted to certain gender, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have romantic feelings for someone who isn't a girl. If you aren't romantically or sexually satisfied, you can't be happy in that relationship. And from what you said, this is tearing you apart to the point that you are self harming and that is really really not good. These kinds of things are hard. Breaking up with someone you have dated for 4 years is never an easy task. But this is about your happiness and overall well being. Your happiness is the thing that matters most here. Plus, if you aren't happy, your significant other will pick up on that and not be happy as well. The relationship you are in can not last, from what you have said. I know it is hard. But think about the anxiety and depression or other feelings you are having because of this. Honestly, it is at the point where it is probably better sooner than later. I don't want you to be stuck in a relationship that is doing that to you. I think you really need to sit down and talk to him about what is going on. Honest communication is key. I hope that everything ends up okay. Let me know if I can help any more. Remember to breathe, Jori