#rebumblebloosoms

[journals-stuff]

You know what the problem really is. I trust way too easily and I expect way too much. Done being there for others.

[journals-stuff]

My life is falling apart...

My life is falling apart.

The one thing I wanted, well it's not even on my reach now,

The one person who was mine doesn't even care,

The person to whom I thought I'd never go

I'm right with him.

People often say that to know who cares for you, you need to fall sick

And today I understand that just because they don't have an option or a way out, people are struck with me.

With constant dialogues of how much they spent

Or how much they have to adjust,

Wow, it feels so great...

And standing here at a place where nothing or no one is mine I really want to go.

I want to skip the next few years and just leave.

It's not even about how I'd react, it's simply that I should shut the fuck up for all these people.

I should. I wish I ain't at a place like this.

A stage like this.

My life is just falling apart bit by bit.

[journals-stuff]

07.01.2019

I'm tired.

Tired of all the fights of all the sorry of all the patch ups of everything. I'm literally just tired.

The relationship makes me feel vulnerable in a lot of ways and I've had my doubts and confusions all the while.

Everytime we've been through a fight I've never thought of why I should call first coz I don't mind that at all. For me the relationship shouldn't stain rest is all fine to me.

But I think this attitude of mine is what makes him take me for granted because whatever he says or whatever he does I'll call back or I'll just be the one apologizing.

I can't believe it has come to this point where I end up always getting the blame. For petty issues to big conflicts it always rounds up on me.

I get slammed up on. I get not picked up. My calls are not picked up and still I go behind him.

Maybe I should stop that, or maybe I should not. I don't understand. Maybe I'm just over thinking like I always do. I really don't know.

The way I see my relationships are indeed strange. The way I end up with a lot of people is strange. I'm draining out of all the relationships

Lately all my concentration has been on one person and I've just left others the way they are and because of that I guess I'm loosing a lot of people out.

I haven't even had some me time nor have I had some time to vent out my feelings I've just been too busy doing nothing

I've given importance to relationships that don't need my time and energy and have just ignored a few.

Sometimes I feel people use me for their own good need and yet other times I feel that I should have been a little bit more cautious with people I deal with. And yet other times I feel I make people think that I'm using them for my own good when I haven't ever

But even after all this introspection I'm just tired and I'm sure I'll just go back to the vicious cycle of this stuff with people.

[journals-stuff]

When they can have fun why can't I.

If they stay together then why can't I.

O i have never missed my responsibility

When my absence doesn't even make a difference and neither does my presence

Why should I stand in this place being a part of a team where I don't have anyone

Where I'm not a part of anyone

Why should I be here

Tears fall down my cheek

Thinking about how my life sucks.

About how me not able to be a part of someplace sucks

Why should I be here

Why

Why should I be in this place where I am made to be the part of a team.

Why am I compelled to be in the team

Why ...

I wanna leave where I am the most excluded person.

This isn't the first time I feel left out.

But today I don't feel left out I feel excluded. I feel unwanted. I feel anger and pain at the same time.

I'm devastated of the fact that I feel this way.

Finally when I made new friends here when I started enjoying this new place why does this happen.

This is by far the worst day here

Where I feel left out even after having people with me

Even after having a chance to around people I feel this way

Because my hands are tied in this place where my feet is struck in the ground and placed so strong that I can't even move to breathe........