#redbirdxlll

[redbirdxlll]

There’s a lot of pressure in my house lately.

I can feel it rolling up the back of my neck even as the light-hearted tones of comedy filter in from the sun room. I feel like I’m waiting.

A lot of people have been changing here, and not always together, just at the same time. I can tell it’s pulling strings tied to our wrists and our shoulders are feeling a little tight. Nothing’s snapped though. I 'm not sure it will. I think the string is strong enough.

At least, I hope it is.

[redbirdxlll]

"Pre-Deja Vu"

So, I've never tried to post anything before with intention of someone else seeing it, nor have I ever really told many people about this before. I guess because I forget about it a lot and it only happens sometimes but. I guess it could be considered a sort of glitch in the Matrix kind of thing? sixpenceee I thought you mind find this interesting, since you're into neuroscience and such. I'm going to front this by saying I don't really believe in paranormal or psychic stuff. I've never really experienced anything like that and it's just never really seemed plausible to me. But this thing I do sometimes seems kind of impossible and I'm not really sure how to explain it. Sometimes I get what I've dubbed "pre-Deja Vu," meaning that I will get the physical sensation of Deja Vu (that sort of zoomed out extreme awareness of everything that's happening, and the sort of 'blurred edge' effect) except that what I see is not what's in front of me. Usually it's something I haven't seen before, often with people I don't recognize. I don't want to call it a vision, but I guess that's what it is. When I turn my head I can look around what I'm seeing, like you can with Deja Vu and recognize what's happening. I can hear snippets of conversation and I'll be aware of when it's happening; I can think "wow I dunno who that is" or "what are they talking about?" And then it will end and I see everything that's around me again. It will happen in the middle of the day, never when I'm sleeping. And then, sometimes months or even a year later, I will have /literal/ Deja Vu of that moment. So I will experience that scene in real life that I somehow saw months ago. The best example that I have that I recall the most vividly is from when I was still in high school, when I was a sophomore. I was in class and suddenly got that Deja Vu feeling and started seeing a scene that wasn't there. It was a classroom in that school, but there were people sitting across from me that I had never met before. I remember looking left and right at the people there and listening to the conversation and thinking about how I didn't know those people. I specifically remember the girl across from me. She had short dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and she was sitting at her desk eating something, if I recall correctly. Then the feeling of Deja Vu ended and I could see everything normally again. I remember telling someone about it and thinking about it after it happened, so I don't think it was something like normal Deja Vu and a fabricated memory of having actually seen it before, because I thought about it a few times after it happened and talked to a few people about it. And then I forgot about it. Until my junior year in high school when I started IB and met a bunch of new people. I was sitting in Mr. Thompson's class (I think it was TOK) and I looked across the room, and felt that Deja Vu. I looked to the right, and to the left, and I knew what Mr. Thompson was going to say, and what everyone was going to do. Across from me sat Vicky, a girl with short, dark hair, pulled back in a ponytail that I RECOGNIZED from when I "saw" her a year ago. I had seen these people I had never met a year before I met them, and saw for a few moments what they were going to do and say, and then experienced it in real life. And that's not the first time that's happened to me either. It had happened before, and has happened a few times since. But for some reason that instance is the one I remember the most vividly. I'm not really sure how it's possible that I did that, and again, I really don't believe in being psychic or anything like that so I really have no way to explain it. But the sensation is exactly like Deja Vu except what I see isn't there, and it's always something that I experience a while AFTER I see it for the first time. My sister actually has the same thing except for her she always dreams what's going to happen, whereas for me it'll happen in the middle of the day when I'm fully conscious and doing stuff. So yeah. Thought you might find that interesting.

[redbirdxlll]

I watched a bird die today. Really bizarre experience. I found it in the center of a driveway at the place I'm house sitting this weekend. It was just sitting on the ground, but otherwise looked fine. A little spacey though. It kept twitching a tiny bit and seemed dazed. I figured it had just hit the large glass windows and become dazed, like so many other birds do. I was going to bring it inside and give it some water, so I picked it up. I was out with dogs, so I didn't go in right away, I had to collect them first. I felt the bird twitching more in my hands. Weirdly. Almost like it was having some kind of fit. Walking over to a low stone wall, I set it down in the hand-like cup of a large leaf, and watched, slightly alarmed as it started spreading and then closing its wings and looking up at me. I wasn't sure how to help it, or what was wrong. Then it made this long, almost agonized stretch, and went still. It took me a second to realize what I'd just watched. A few hours later I went out again and the ants had already moved in, and I was amazed at the swift efficiency with which nature deals with the death of its own. The encounter certainly left an impression on me. I'm not sure if it disturbed me. It was certainly interesting and I felt bad that I couldn't help it along. So anyway. I watched this bird die today.

[unhottaa]

redbirdxlll replied to your photo:Hi I’m the ’90s boyfriend who your parents...

Jesus dude be less adorable. Srsly.

CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP

[unhottaa]

redbirdxlll replied to your photo:I was sad so I took a selfie a few hours ago.

Bro you hot as fuck. Like shit.

QURL PLS.......

[redbirdxlll]

I went and stood in front of your house in Google Earth. Not for the purpose of wallowing, I was actually looking for reference. But. I didn't anticipate the pain of standing there as though for real looking at the doors and windows I know so well but jot being able to touch it. I've been thinking about that a lot today, and about you. As per usual.

[redbirdxlll]

October 12, 2014

Today I woke up sighing.

[redbirdxlll]

You're the difference between Hell and Home