#redolme

[redolme]

Happy two years to me and this blog.

Thank you for being the space for things I have nowhere else to say. 

[redolme]

This is enough. You are enough. I have learned from past experience not to yearn for more when I am perfectly content with what I have. 

I like you more than all the other ones yearning for space in my life.

[redolme]

I've thought about feeling angry with you for your inconsistency. But I realized I am not able to give you or anyone else the version of myself that will want to stay.

[redolme]

My current reflections have been about the imposition of eternity.

So often, amazing things are compromised when we desperately impose the expectation of forever. People, situations, relationships, etc.

I would rather gracefully let go of greatness no longer meant for me instead of struggle to maintain my grip until it whittles down to mediocrity. It compromises both sides. And not for the better.  

[redolme]

I got a text message from a number I didn't know. Who it ended up being is besides the point. The first person that came to mind -- that thought told me more than I needed to know. 

It made me think about someone I thought I had forgotten. It made me questions whether I should stay stubborn and angry or to soften and forgive? 

Can you have water under a bridge that has been burned? 

I guess I'll never know. Some friendships aren't meant to stand the test of time. You taught me that. 

[redolme]

It is amazing how ugly our thoughts can get when we are angry.

I vouched for you when our parents doubted you. I helped you when you were lost and I tried my best to guide you in the right direction. I took care of you and tried to show you what is right. 

But you have been nothing but a complete and total disappointment. Stop wasting everyone's time and energy spent hoping you will make something of yourself. If you got pregnant and dropped out of community college, we would surely be sad, but we definitely won't be surprised. 

Your wisely chosen last words to me: "Have a great life."

Honey, don't even bother telling me that because I already am. 

[redolme]

I am not responsible for your maturity. I am not responsible for turning you into a good person.

I am only responsible for myself.

I am waiting for the day when you realize how much you need me but you lit the match that burned the bridge.

[redolme]

I had so much anxiety anticipating your arrival. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. 

Then we do the thing we always do where we immerse ourselves in one another, and you make me feel like this is something worth wanting. 

And now you're gone again, and I feel the same heaviness I feel in my heart that I always do when we have to go our separate ways.

You just won't let me forget you, huh?