I'm going to begin this with saying, before getting into the specifics, how much I loved this episode. You could tell how much effort was put into making this, and how much Marina busted her ass to provide us with such an amazing portrayal. And that's the kind of effort and energy that got us to 200 episodes and also, like all the episodes this season, the new energy and determination to tell and follow through with an amazing story that Gwen has brought back to the show. And that it truly showed and supported everything I had been saying for why I stood by their decision to make 200 about Kim (and her 200 traumas).
Now to proceed with the specifics and this is going to get long because there was SO MUCH I loved about it:
This, for me, really set the whole tone for the episode. I love domestic burzek + mack and this served that up for me. I also loved it because of the formula of the show, we haven't got to see much of them settling into the house as a family, but that this showcased that, and the well oiled machine that they've clearly grown to be. It very much painted the picture of two parents and their child. I very much liked Mack watching the TV, and Kim refocusing her, that was very domestic and made everything feel really real and that this dynamic is well lived in, which it should.
Cpd episodes as a whole tend to kick of amazingly, but really for a milestone episode I always believe that it should kick off from the start, because every second you should feel gripped to the screen. And this delivered. I've got to attribute that to Marina's excellent acting, because the way she reacted and delivered that panic attack, especially with Kim being thrown into a flashback was truly phenomenal. And I loved how Adam handled it, while also handling Mack and making sure that she could see that at the very least, Adam has a handle on the situation which will make her feel more secure despite there being something wrong with her mom.
I'm going to talk about both of them here. I loved how Marina held herself in these scenes, it felt so very believable and exactly in line with everything Kim is experiencing. I loved that Kim didn't fight back on Adam being called her partner, especially because I was concerned that we'd be still stuck on them not voicing what's between them. I mean, they still aren't, but Kim isn't actively trying to clarify he's technically not that, officially. And it very much feels like they are embracing this dynamic, and honestly they don't have to name it, at least not where they are currently.
I also loved that you could see that her walls were up, and that she is only here because of freaking out in front of Makayla and that she's not ready to accept help yet, and that they even more went up and she got on the defensive when her therapist was listing symptoms she has been experiencing. Kim's walls are so high up, and she's been going around thinking she's fine and that she's dealing with her trauma, and she doesn't want to admit just how much she's not been fine, especially when she hasn't really admitted it to herself.
I loved, loved, loved the ending therapy scene. I've already talked about how much I love that she said "not for Adam", that he's someone she wants to get help for, but it's worth resaying. That, on it's own, is more she's been admitting over the past few years, and it also gives me faith/hope in the direction the writers are taking them in. I also loved seeing her breakdown, and admit she needs help. It's long overdue and everything I've been wanting for my whole time in fandom. And I'm just really happy with this development and how realistic it was.
The manifestation of Kim's trauma/ptsd.
I've touched upon this already, but there's so much more to say. The portrayal and how they chose to show it, and Marina act it, was truly incredible. Not just the big moments, but all the small, little moments too.
I've talked about the opening scene, and her walls in therapy. Now for the train. This scene... Honestly there was so much to love about this whole episode, and the well scene was amazing, but I've got to say that scene was one of my favourite scenes ever. The way you could see Kim's trauma being triggered, how she portrayed how scared she was, that she was making herself small, and also how she struggled to keep a grip on reality to try and help the poor boy, and how she lost that grip when it was becoming more and more clear that he was heading to death -- and how it coincided with everyone leaving the train, leaving them alone, which didn't help to not play into Kim's trauma of dying alone.
I loved that her hand shook again, and then the scene when she was lying down and reliving her own trauma. It was truly amazing and great shooting work as well. All the blood, and the white shirt. I also loved how close she was to him, not just because she was helping him, but because she was clearly scared in that moment and being nearer someone else, even a dying stranger, was what her instincts did. I also really loved how in the midst of this she was trying to hard to keep her hand on his wound.
Now the well scene. First, hopefully Kim will learn to stop going into places alone without backup. Second, the shooting for this was equally wonderful. Her vision, the way she kept trying to refocus on Lucas, the way her body was pressed against the wall and the fact she was once again trapped somewhere dark. It was also the first panic episode this episode where she didn't have Adam to bring her out of it, and she had to struggle to try and regain focus into reality to help the boy. Her desperately trying to reach the team was lovely as it showed both how hard it was physically and signal wise, and also her will to survive, while also showcasing her vulnerability when she left the missed voicemail.
I also really loved the imagery of once again her determined attempts to survive, and her amazing ability to rescue herself, to put herself in a better place for help. That climbing very much parallels the journey she'll take with therapy, and also I think shows-- especially when she broke free and passed the threshold of the well-- when she got to the point where her mind was made up and that she was going to accept help. Which I think is really beautiful.
I also think it's really beautiful how she had to leave the boy behind to get a better signal, as it very much embodied the expression "put your safety mask on first", and yet again parallels the journey she'll have to take in therapy. She's been pushing herself aside for others, like Mack, but in order to keep doing that, to keep helping people, she has to lok after herself first, and trust in the help that comes from making that journey. And of course, by doing that, she got out, and Adam arrived to help the boy.
But that just because she got up that time doesn't mean she's okay, as shown by her immediately collapsing by the outside of the well.
Now to touch upon the other little ptsd effects throughout the episode. I loved how when catching the team up she got a bit distant, and in the train when the photos was taken. And I loved, like fully adored, how she was confident walking into the room until she saw herself on camera and then you could see herself retreat within herself. She almost looked ashamed, which is not uncommon, and when she answered her phone, her 'burgess' was so quiet and un-kim like and I loved that, it was so so realistic.
Adam throughout this was truly Kim's rock and I utterly adored it. I loved how her comforted her, grounded her. The moment in the train specifically as if was so so reminding me of their early days of comfort and how close their faces were in that casual intimacy you can only get with the love of your life in this situation. I also loved that scene after the therapy, Adam coming to pick her up and how he knew how to talk to her and what she was thinking when she looked at him and I just can see how much they've truly become partners.
The things the therapist said and how they fit how Kim's been.
I loved very much what she listed, because it fit Kim so well, and honestly really showed exactly why Kim and Adam hasn't officially gotten back together. It just really highlights that along the way it stopped being about whether he was ready, and all because of her ptsd. And I just loved that.
I also loved it because I had been getting nervous again. Mostly because it feels like Kim's episodes always includes Adam/burzek development, but Adam's this season, except 02, hasn't really. And it's made me feel a bit nervous because we aren't getting to see Kim being an important part of helping him. But by the therapist saying that, it's explaining what's going on in Kim's mind, showing that the writers are aware of that, and it makes me feel better about it. Because it's just that Kim's not in that place right now, not fully, but hopefully in the future that'll be different.
Other things I really loved about this episode:
Kim, Adam and Kevin being in a room together searching. I love my burzekwater.
The rest of the team's reaction to Kim being covered in blood. None of them, including Voight really, bought too much that Kim was "fine". And Kevin's expression when he walked up will always live in my brain rent free. That and Trudy's.
That Kim identified him through a scrap of luggage paper. I know there's other reasons to why she could've recognised it, but to me it'll be because of her past as flight attendant.
I'm sure there was over things I loved and wanted to talk about, but I've talked a lot and this has taken me, no joke, an hour to type up so I'm ending it here. Feel free to come talk to me and send me asks if you think I missed out something, or just want to talk about it/ask me questions.
It was truly an incredible episode and I feel so happy to be a part of this fandom when this is unveiling.
