My GOP Presidential Primary Endorsement
Cross-posted at AustinHess.com and UncommonSenseBlog.com
by Austin Hess…
Many on the right are worried about the perceived “weakness” of the Republican Presidential field. Various candidates have either been described as too “moderate” or too “unelectable.” All of the candidates, to varying degrees, have strayed from Republican orthodoxy in some way, leaving many would-be supporters discouraged. We seem to be forced to choose between arguably more conservative candidates versus arguably more electable candidates. Many fear that any one of them is too weak to beat Obama. I must admit, I have shared that trepidation at times, and largely stayed out of the internecine battles of the primary. I have always said that I would support the eventual nominee against Obama (even if his name was Osatan Bin Hitler, and I had to saw off an arm to ensure victory). I didn’t particularly care who was the nominee, as long as they beat Obama. However, the time for choosing has come, and I have chosen the candidate for whom I am going to vote tomorrow, and I am making my endorsement public on the eve of Super Tuesday in Massachusetts, in the hopes that fellow Bay Staters will choose that same candidate.
My candidate has the extensive executive experience necessary for the Presidency. As a Governor, he was doing battle with entrenched public employee unions before it became fashionable. Although New England is not famous for its conservatives, he is a very strong (some might say “severe”) conservative. He isn’t a bombast about it, though. He is (famously) not given to incendiary remarks that might turn off independent voters. He has the proven discipline and even temperament that we need to win the White House, govern successfully, and keep it in Republican hands. I daresay that, if Ronald Reagan could vote for him, he would. That is why I am proud to endorse former Massachusetts Governor, Calvin Coolidge’s corpse.
I’m sure the first question that pops into your head is: is he eligible? And the answer is: of course. Ridiculous conspiracy theories aside, he was born in Plymouth Notch, Vermont (on the forth of July no less!). He has only served one full term as President (he finished out Harding’s term beforehand), and is thus eligible for another (unlike Reagan, unfortunately). Finally, there is no Constitutional requirement that a candidate be alive to become President or to be alive as President.
Your next question might be: why Silent Cal over the other candidates? Well, I have areas of disagreement with all of the candidates, but I think that Mitt Romney is the only candidate other than Coolidge (whose electability and conservatism are proven) that can beat Obama. I don’t have to like that, though, and I am not inclined to vote for the guy who gave us Romneycare, especially when he’s projected to win big in Massachusetts anyway. I’d rather vote for the guy who gave us the roaring twenties.
Furthermore, being a corpse could have advantages on the campaign trail and as President. For one thing, he’s guaranteed not to make any embarrassing verbal gaffes or ever break a promise. By definition, he can’t be assassinated, so we’ll save all kinds of money on Secret Service protection, and White House chefs and doctors, for that matter (that also makes the veepstakes less important, but I’d like to see some geographical balance on the ticket with someone like Barry Goldwater’s corpse). He’s very unlikely to be involved in a sex scandal (though that would be quite disturbing). He’s never heard of Keyensian economics. He’ll never cave and compromise with the Democrats. Most importantly, though, he couldn’t violate the Constitution through executive fiat or by signing unconstitutional laws, raise taxes or spending, or any of the other annoying things the government does. In short, yes, we’d be better off with no President than the one we have now.
I know Coolidge hasn’t officially announced (and you thought he was silent the last time around), and hasn’t made the ballot in the state he used to govern (how embarassing). That’s why this is a write in campaign. If you would like to write in “Calvin Coolidge” or “Calvin Coolidge’s corpse” (either is acceptable, with a small “c” in corpse), you’ll also need to write in his current address, which is:
Plymouth Notch Cemetery Lynds Hill Road Plymouth, VT 05056
You can also follow Calvin Coolidge’s corpse on twitter at @NotSoSilentCal.
So… Keep Cool (room temperature) with Coolidge in 2012! Better Dead than Red!
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