River said something else but Lake couldn’t pay attention to it, couldn’t hear each word as his mind felt like it was filled up with cotton wracked with buzzing static he could feel every sensation of and yet none of it at all.
Air’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched Lake’s shaking hands try to pet along the fluff of the plushie but retracted as if he was burned by it.
It felt too real to Lake when nothing was real. It wasn’t real life and yet it felt so tangible. His mind was spinning with the confusion of it all and that creeping feeling of dread was nipping away at the surreal psyche inside him.
Words: 1.2k
Characters: Lake, Air & Little River (for a moment)
Tags: Angst, feels, dissociation, derealisation, everyone's doing their best, trauma responses, cuddles, author has derealisation issues, author is projecting, leave me alone lol, agere little!River, implied panic attack, anxiety issues.
A/n: Lake doesn't even know this is really an issue of his right now and so Air isn't educated on his issues. Also, I am still new to agere so if I've done anything to misrepresent regressors with where Little River is featured, please let me know so I can fix it!
For @anotherbananasong and her amazing universe!
~~~
Of course, the one-time Lake emerges from his Waters, it happens.
The need for company, for his pack, got too much and he decided to come up to the main part of the catacombs. Alpha wasn’t there because he was with Dew…
Flashes of that night the Little Ghoul was maimed went across Lake’s mind and with it that cloud of unreality, threatening to take over. He shook his head and hugged himself as he went over to sit by River. His fellow Water Ghoul would surely feel some benefit from their shared element’s company.
River was holding himself in a certain way and had his shark plushie tucked under his chin that told Lake the Ghoul was regressed to his Little headspace, as he often went to when some emotions just got too big. Lake did his best not to think about why those emotions were there. Lake wasn’t the best with kits but he managed with Little River.
In the innocent way kits often are, River turned to Lake and with those big blue eyes asked: “Did you hurt too when Dewy got hurt?”
Read below the cut or on ao3
Lake and his insane connection to the Water felt nearly every pain Dewdrop himself did when he was forced from Water to Fire. Lake was paralysed by the pain, feeling that severance deep in his very soul. It lit up every fibre of his soul and he swears that sometimes, when the water is quiet, he can still hear his own screams echoing around the cave.
As soon as River, sweet Little River, posed that question Lake felt the blood drain from his face. The cloud in his mind took over without warning, a voice in his mind screaming that it wasn’t real, that this isn’t his life, that it didn’t happen.
Lake tried to keep a lid on it, knowing that River was watching him but he couldn’t help his eyes fixing to the mid-ground and all sensation seemed to leave him along with his own mind.
“Y- yes…” Lake said quietly, the only word he could muster up through the fog in his head.
River said something else but Lake couldn’t pay attention to it, couldn’t hear each word as his mind felt like it was filled up with cotton wracked with buzzing static he could feel every sensation of and yet none of it at all.
Air’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched Lake’s shaking hands try to pet along the fluff of the plushie but retracted as if he was burned by it.
It felt too real to Lake when nothing was real. It wasn’t real life and yet it felt so tangible. His mind was spinning with the confusion of it all and that creeping feeling of dread was nipping away at the surreal psyche inside him.
Air coaxed Little River into one of the bedrooms with Earth, getting the feeling that his Little eyes shouldn’t be privy to whatever was going on with Lake, whatever it was. He went in and Air came over to the Water Ghoul they so rarely saw.
“Lake, love. Can you see me?” Air asked hesitantly, having no idea what was going on.
Lake thinks he can see Air. But he screws his eyes shut until colours bloom behind them because Air’s too real. Lake felt as if he could see each little line and crease of Air’s skin, every woven fibre of his veil and the individual hairs of his eyebrows. It was too much and yet not enough to tell Lake if it was all, in fact, reality.
As Lake stayed on that line between real and unreal, the distress of it all started to creep up more. If none of it was real, then why did everything have to hurt so much? Who was toying with them to craft up painful stories that they had to be victim to and yet for none of it to matter because it wasn’t real? What audience was watching them suffer for no reason?
Air watched as the cogs in Lake’s mind turned and seemed to be washed away by the tides he spent his time with. Lake’s mind finally caught up with what Air had asked and he nodded, his mind too wracked with everything imploding for words.
The former keyboardist let out a sigh of relief at that and tried to think about what he could do. He tried to think about what Earth usually did for him when he panicked and needed some comfort but Lake was never around enough for Air to know if he enjoyed hugs and gentle words and the like.
He watched as Lake slowly started to dig his webbed fingers into the plush more and hold it against himself tight for the pressure. He thinks this is real. If this is real, everything else may be too, right? Air took a deep breath and gently coaxed Lake as he sat on the sofa too, laying across it with his back against one of the armrests and brought Lake against his chest. Enough for touch if he wanted it, but easy enough to get out of it not.
Lake didn’t fight one bit though and just let himself be moved. Air’s deft fingers holding him felt grounding and the gentle and rhythmic thudding – not dissimilar to the basslines he used to play - his ear was laid flat against helped to ever-so-slightly tune out the static that disrupted his life. He felt one set of those fingers come up to his own veil and almost winced at the sensation of the fabric moving against his hair but Air’s fingers persisted and he managed to relax into it a little more.
Lake’s eyes saw double in blurry mists and yet everything in too much detail. Reality and… Well, that one may actually be reality instead - dancing in front of him and taunting him with the possibility that either or neither were true. His mind was far away, back down in his Waters where Dew’s connection to his Element laid too. Yet Dew wasn’t in Lake’s connection to the Water like River or Mist or Rain were. He was missing. Why was the little Water Ghoul missing?
Enough of his mind was cleared by the heartbeat he laid against and the fingers teasing his hair through his veil that he managed to string a few words together.
“Air?” He said quietly, his throat dry from panic and disuse.
“Hm? What is it, angelfish?” Air replied just as quietly, respecting that Lake’s mind probably doesn’t need too much stimulus right now.
“Was… was it real? Wh- what happened to Dew? Is… Is he longer Water?” Lake asked, positively terrified of the answer.
“Yes, my dear. It was real. I know it’s hard to believe someone could do such a thing.” Air responded, his voice as gentle as his element on a Spring morning although his heart was in pieces for the young Ghoul.
Hard to believe. Lake couldn’t believe it. His mind wouldn’t allow it.
He shook his head, clutching the plushie tight to his chest as that cloud dug it’s claws back in again and took Lake back into a tsunami of panic that Air would never be able to forget for a long time…
