Rejection Types Enneagram
Object relations theory suggests that our first relationships as children form our expectations of our future relationships. The three object relation triads in the enneagram are rejection, frustration and attachment. Rejection types are 2, 5 and 8, and these types feel they have been rejected by others, so they reject their own needs.
These types will like to nurture others, but will often have issues of not being nurtured in their relationships. They try to counter rejection by using their talents, so their sense of self is primarily based on these ‘talents’
Type 2s: 2s are driven by their desire to be needed and to help others, so they often reject their own needs in favour of others. 2s feel they need to nurture and help others as this will stop them from being rejected in their relationships. Basically, their sense of self is based on rejecting their own needs and helping others.
Type 5s: 5s are driven by their need of knowledge and are very withdrawn, so they often minimise their own needs, especially physically and emotionally. 5s believe that their usefulness is based on their brain and intellect, so they offer their expertise to others to try and counter rejection. 5s are often very independent and try not to need anyone, so if they are rejected they can feel stable enough in themselves. Basically, their sense of self is based on minimising their own needs and building up their usefulness to combat rejection.
Type 8s: 8s are driven by their need to be strong and independent, so they often reject their emotional and vulnerable side. 8s try to become powerful and strong, so that people will come to them for leadership, and they will not be rejected because they are needed. 8s try to give the impression that they don’t care if they are rejected because they are so ‘strong’ but they are just as afraid of rejection as other types. Put simply, their sense of self is based on gaining strength and will-power to combat rejection.
These types react differently to rejection, for example 2s are the most overtly scared of rejection and will put the most effort into their relationships, whereas 5s and 8s sometimes pretend they don’t need others and will withdraw or react aggressively respectively. All of these types try to do things for others to combat rejection, and when that doesn’t work they can react badly. 2s reject nurturing, because they see themselves as nurturers, 8s reject vulnerabilities and protection as they see themselves as the protector of others, and 5s reject knowledge from others, as they see themselves as the source of knowledge for others.