diary 050825 | 11:00 pm
Here's a hefty list of signs (not entirely *red flags*) that may indicate whether someone is capable of being present, emotionally available, or relationally responsible in your friendship:
blaming other people or situations when things go wrong
having an insanely messy computer: desktop, over 10k emails, unorganized photos, a running list of books/shows they'll never actually start. Messy lifestyles, relationships, self relationship, etc. WILL show up in other places.
putting off basic things: sleep, hydration, hygiene, chores, starting projects, or making + keeping appointments
dumping you the minute a better opportunity arises: significant other calls (male-centered pick-mes), newer friendships, events, or opportunities come up
you get the sense that they'd rather be elsewhere, never content where they’re at; always chasing high highs
they're always in a rush, impatient: to make friends, to get into a relationship, for their food at a restaurant, driving, to get to their destination, goals (this one's entitlement); they might even rush you too
conflating good and stable with boring
they cannot laugh at themselves; drenched in shame, taking themselves too seriously in a way that exposes their superiority/inferiority complexes
chasing dysfunction: people that don't want them, abusers they know have threatened you and friends, questionable activities
never admitting wrongdoing or remorse for past situations, big or small
their only source of information is Instagram infographics and whatever social media tells them (lazy activism)
suggesting their big brain morals and values are somehow far superior to yours or anyone else's (be especially careful if they spend time arguing with people online, it’s impossible to reason in good faith with these people irl)
lying/being secretive about basic, normal human things like their real age, where they are, how they’re feeling, etc. (indicative of bigger, underlying issues)
changing personalities in order to gain favor (I don't mean acting a little different with family, coworkers, or acquaintances)
private information you tell them always gets out
they're always in a new relationship before taking the space to be with themselves — running from themselves ₊˚⊹ ♡
sucked onto their phone: pre-occupied with fandom/stan culture, addicted to doomscrolling, over-consuming, chronically online
everything is an "ick" or "cringe" to them (intimacy issues)
conversations always devolve into past people or high school drama that has no relation or relevancy to you (and I don't mean discussing lessons, or people who’ve harmed you)
constantly *busy* and don't have time for themselves: endless work, tasks, errands, family or friend situations, drama, etc.
telling you they're sorry but repeating those exact behaviors until the next set of empty sorries
wanting everyone to like them: being scared to speak up or rock the boat, and throwing you under the bus to protect themselves
dogpiling + scapegoating instead of sticking up for you
letting everyone know how much of a "good person" they are or how they'd "never hurt a fly" ↜(͛𖤐෴𖤐)͛ψ
double standards: they're allowed to act out, be abrasive, do questionable things, be mean, and complain but you get zilch
"broke", but somehow always traveling, at a concert, living it up in their daddy's money apartment, or buying $300 shein hauls
confrontation is only okay when they do it, but when you do it, you're being disruptive, accusatory, and not addressing things correctly or being *proactive* about it; there is no way to perfectly address things with people, sometimes it's awkward and messy and painful. Their reactiveness demonstrates their failure to empathize, take accountability without finding fault in others. Hypocrisy usually is the final nail in the coffin for me.
That last one really just takes the cake. Some relationships are just not meant to work out solely due to the fact that people cannot be uncomfortable for one second. They need an all or nothing, easy, convenient solution to avoid. They need instant gratification.
Please please pleasepleasepleeeeeaaase stop showing up for people who do not show up for you. People who believe they've given you the world, but it's just a little stress-ball in the shape of a globe. Your people are out there, be you. Find them.
And with some nuance, a lot of this list could also mean your person is depressed — and that is OK. But that being said, someone can be depressed AND not be a great friend/person. Accountability is important, mental health aside. Anyway, sometimes people are just shitty humans and the signs have always been there
˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆
every time the most demonic person u know says "I'm protecting my peace rn" an angel dies . ݁₊ ⊹ .